whenever i see him
he makes me feel
like the only one person
in the room with him

he doesn't feel the
same as i do

when i see him my eyes
get bright
and open up to the lights
and  guess thats why
I LOVE HIM

when i look at him
i get butter fly's
which makes me speechless

thats why i wounder
forever more
thats why
I LOVE HIM

does he feel  
the way i do?
will he ever
feel the same?

it will hurt
forevermore
but if it happens
we'll be friends
which is alright

i'll always
love him
no matter what
the only one is
what i realize

Cleavage,  Oh, what wounder!
Full and Round!
Soft and ****!

Like a bouquet of flowers!
Fregrant & beautful,
meant to be admired.

Properly displayed,
In color and lace,
So wounderfully feminine!

A cavern of love,
She captures my attention,
And releases my desire.

Add just a smile!
Even a hint of one,
a powerful potion is revealed.
Cleavage with a Smile!

A great and powerful man,
under her **** spell.
hoplessly mesmerized,
by Cleavage with a Smile.

Don't look away!
Don't be offended!
be kind, add a smile.
Cleavage With a Smile!

As I wonder why
With the tide the moon never reside
As I wonder why
The moon pulls the tides  
As I wonder why
my fellings i choose to hide
As I wonder why
you could want such a guy
As I wonder why
I choose to waist my time
As I wonder why
You begin to decide
As I wonder why
With that guy and not with me you choose to reside

When you touch your knee to mine
Under the table
I wonder
Are you as focused on that
As I am
Or is it just a weird girl thing?

Dad there's now words i can say but,
The only words i can say are
I love you
I miss you
I wish you were still here us your family.

I look back and say its not true that your gone
I wanna pick up the phone and
I wanna call you
I realise that i can't when i do pick up my phone.

Dad its too soon for you to be gone
Dad you should still be here with us your family
Dad you have been token away way to soon
Your pictures dont seem real
I wanna call you
I wanna talk to you

I wounder if your pound of me?
I wounder if your around me?
I wounder if you miss me?

As i lay in bed i know i will never hear your voice again
I will never hear you say "your gonna do it anyways"
I will never hear you say "i love you" or "i love you too"
I will never hear you say "goodnight"

I know the past is the past
I forgive you daddy

You are with the angels and
You are no longer in pain
You are with your dad
You are with your granddaughter
You are with your grandfather
You are with all your family you miss

And one day you will be all your family

Dad i know I've disappointed you alot
Dad i know I've missed up alot
Dad i know I've done things you dont like
Dad i know I've done a lot but i know
You miss us

I wish you where still here.
I love you
You are one of my angels





                                                      June 3, 2018
                                                         3:15am

Zombies they approach 
to bad we can't be friends 
This was my last thought
As I load my gun

This will be a blood bath
And I may never survive 
I am the last, destined to die by hand I used to curest
I see her in the mob 
Slowly approaching 
Why rush I was doomed 
I know it and so did they

I faught for 7 years 
And this is my end
I am the last to see thair loved ones
I wounder how they will live with out me
I guess the same if I was the one that was victorious 
"**** this I yell"
 as the zombies began to in case me
I was never the one who seeked the crowed 
All wayse the loner
Dreaming for this day 
Not hoping just knowing it will come to pass

My end will be beautiful 
I cocked my gun
Knowing I wount need it but just liked the ilosen of my finally
Being of a gun fight,

We planed this
Me and the once people who surround me
All hopping it will never come
But non believed it was unnesary 

They was in place 
The shells all in place 
I slipped the wire under my feat
And even though I could not see the liquid I know 
It hit its home
Zombies cried in rage
Canines thrusted into the air
Trying to cut the air 
And I laughted 

****** was my favorite was my favorite wepen 
I glanced above my head to see the net
Filed with liquid hell
It amused me that all the years I threaten to rain
Hell on my enimeyes 
I get to do it

I hit the swich in my poket 
I herd the flames hit the net 
It will take 2 minutes for the flames
To meet the c4 
But the zombies had a different plan
They rushed me 
And all I did was take two steps backwards
And the mine wint of without a hitch

I lust a leg but that was enught distraction
C4 inighted and turned the night alive 
I had made my last day of life
Hell
And I smile
The end is now
I closed my eyes
And waited 
For my firy demise 
To welcome me

It's been quite some time since I've been here,
This forest I mean.
What a magical place it is,
Where dragons have been cleaved;
And faeries caged.

The moonlight drips over its canvas,
In between the canopy,
Unto rustling decomposition.
Although I wounder to myself,
"Where is Hercules tonight?"

Maybe the city lights are flushing out
The constellations which articulate my thoughts,
And imbue their synergy
Into the masterpiece of the night sky.

Silly humans.
Thinking they can do whatever they want,
To achieve their dreams.
Well, I'm not sorry to break it to you all; but
Time has to happen before it exists.
So all your petty hopes and wishes are simply
Problems you are all creating  
That were never destined to be there in the first place.

Who am I to decide though.
Decisions, decisions;
Fate waiting to happen,
Statistics to record.
But Destiny is already turning her gears.
Working the clock.

So many thoughts trickling through my mind,
Sitting here under this eucalyptus tree.
The arouma is so soothing...
It reminds me of the princess who lived in a cave.
The very grounds where I was nearly slaughtered,
By her knight in shining armour.

No, I wasn't the one glistening under the moonlight,
For the person being slaughtered would be none other than myself.
She would sit in horror at the scene when she awoke.
Only to find that the knight simply wanted to defend her well-being.

Something I could never do.
Because defending one means bringing wraith upon another.
I could never do that.
For the guilt I would feel,
And remorse ten fold that the relatives of the one being hurt would feel.
Empathy would be the enemy,
Not the one "endangering" my beloved.

So I'll die in her stead.
So I musn't experience the ulterior hatred of her eyes,
As she looks at me as if I were her Saviour.

No, that isn't what I want.

So if it means her heart in someone else's hands,
So be it.
So long she is happy,
And safe.

No matter how long I should wait for her return,
No matter the distance achieved between us;
Both physically and emotionally,
I will always Love her.

Not to the moon and back,
For landing upon the stars simply puts me at rest
Of the brink of death from the fall.
Gravity isn't near,
But Darkness most certainly is.
Everything in "space" is nothing.
Zero.


But the clock keeps its schedule on point,
And the gears of Destiny still turn;
although the time is certainly out of joint.

I always think about how you feel about me.
I'm probably wrong, it's no surprise.
You're always raving about your knights in rusty armour,
Emerging victorious from their battles to save you.
Slaying the dragons,
Dousing flames,
Or simply, serenely clutching you underneath your cotton fort.
It's all flowing through, garnishing my preemptive thoughts of your saviour.

It's alright though.
You, thinking you're some wretched old witch living in the dark depths of the forest,
Always told me that "love" is something that can be immersed in without your actual presence.
Striving to see that person smile and glow,
Even if you yourself are not really any part of it.
I've accepted that,
But I still don't know what this thing...this enigmatic entity, Love, quite is.

Your knight, however, seems to be fulfilling his duty.
Quite well, at that.
Good for him!
It makes me happy to see you both happy.
(I always laugh when those around me laugh, even if I have no idea what's going on...hahaha, it's great)
He always visits you in your dark cave,
Where you think nobody will find you,
And he surmounts the guardian of your threshold.
While I'm peering through the brush,
Making sure things go right.
Because I'm paranoid like that.

After all of your embracing in his arms,
And dousing all the flames of horror around you,
You seem to be in bliss.
That's good.
A shooting star glosses by, but you're too busy with him to notice.
Or maybe you did notice.

I'm getting sleepy, and you might be too.
So might he.
But being the knight he is, he'll probably wait for you to doze off,
Then adore your lovely face as you've faded off into the blackness.
How I wish to witness such a magical sight.
How luc-

Crack!
Oh dear, I've stepped on a stick.
How silly of me.

He's noticed and sets you down carefully.

I sit and wait patiently, as he takes hold of his sword and approaches the brush.
Should I break for it, or wait for his reaction?
Surely he values the protection of his loved one more than a random creature in the brush
That, of course, threatens the safety of the princess.

He's closer.

I slowly rise to my feet and walk out of the brush,
The canopy's shade couvering my identity.
The moonlight glistening upon his blade.

I stare into his eyes, for he only sees a black figure within the shaded area.
He has determination and a sense of loyalty in his eyes.
Good, I can check that off.

He lifts his sword, holding it firmly with both his hands.

Little does he know, that his loved one's guardian is standing before him.
Perhaps she hasn't accepted it, or even noticed,
But I'm still there.
Always...there.
On the sidelines, admiring the beauty and radiance of the fairy,
Being caressed by a seemingly brighter knight.

His sword is moving downwards...

I wounder if she'll ever notice.

...closer...

It's okay though.
I'm sure she'll be fine without me.

A smile made its way across my face, embracing my cheeks.

Whoosh.

A sound like a machete moving seamlessly through silk was made in the night.



She shivered mildly in her sleep.

"I wounder what the world would be like from an aerial view.
Laying here on the grass,
On the rich soil,
The breeze carrying the rustic scent of the nearby
Eucalyptus trees.

Why don't we take a trip to the clouds,
I see a dragon there.
You know,
Making shapes with your mind out of the clouds.
It's only necessary,
Other than the usual grass rash.
Those are certainly a nuisance.
Or when you lose sight of your precious dragon.
Well...there goes our ride.

It's okay though!"
Pop up onto your feet.
Look forward.
Well, there really isn't much in front of you,
Besides clouds and other floating landscapes.
You live in the clouds, remember?

Carefully peering over the edge of the floating landmass you reside on,
You take a look down and imagine what it's like down there.
Lush canopies, vast meadows filled with raspberry reds
And vanilla yellows.
Dandelions rustling carefully,
As the wind carries them to their next destination.
Where they'll make use of their surroundings,
To flourish once more and carry on their subtle legacy.

"I want to be like a dandelion seed,
Flowing seamlessly through the air;
Carelessly carrying my legacy."
You think to yourself.

If only you had wings,
Then you could certainly pull it off.
Let the air carry you,
Caress you, delicately;
As if you were glass fighting gravity as you dropped towards...
Not inevitable shatter, oh dear no.
Simply to float unto the soil of the imaginary landmass at the bottom
Of the drop.

A dream drop.
Falling through the clouds,
Seemingly eternal, the drop I mean.
Then you notice you're falling,
And it feels weightless and beautiful.
You reach your hand out in front of you,
As if the orb of light before you was the size of a dove.

A dove.
Soft and smooth,
Their feathers may be.
Stroking slowly in an up and down motion,
Caressing every feather between your fingertips.
Feeling the gentle heartbeat and warmth of the bird,
Gazing at your with it's powerful green eyes.

"What am I doing?"
You think to yourself, in the midst of your fall.
You open your eyes once more to find yourself
On what seems to be a cloud.
Your hand outstretched, caressing something soft
Like a dove.

Only to find yourself holding a fairy,
Gleaming in iridescence.

Softly giggling to yourself,
You roll out of bed.
Taking one more glance
At your little teddy bear resting on the pillow beside where you were.

A pendant open,
Revealing this fairy.
She's certainly,
One of a kind.

Nice guys finish last
I loss hope on love
I miss nights of holding you close
A heart beat to feel.such warmth
I look  & I wounder
Where is my queen
I am so far gone
Is my heart too broken
I can't live in past
I look for today
My pain over takes me
I wounder where is warm my hand to hold with endless walks under the stars

it is wounder full to best friends w ur ex as long as u know that ur
friendship will last knowing that ur still in love
witch they know and hope that they r in love w u back to
but w me its means the world to me that im friends w my ex
and it feels so good to be friends w him
if he died about two or three yrs ago

i dont know what i would do
umm... lets see maybe not be here anymore cause thats why im still living is him
and if its not for him i dont know what i would do

go crazy some thing i dont know when he touches me and kisses me
it like im on cloud 9 or 10 and its just me and him
him and i thats all i want big time
all i can see is him in my dreams,my mind,when i close my eyes, when i
am thinking

i want him so much and so bad i want him to touch me, feel me, be in me, be w me.
he's all i can think of as any day come and thats all i see as of tomorrow
him in my life and my heart my heart will beet for him and him only
i miss him what can i do to have him in my life,with me,in me,in my heart, my soul?

                             TO MY BEST FRIEND
                                           ~* <3 DANIEL ROBERT EARL <3 *~                                            
                                                           <3 I LOVE YOU <3

Spine like an arrow
Brian like a bow
This vessel is rooted deeply
Rear this soul, out I go

And these cloths I leave behind,
All worries, doubts and relations as a whole
Every mirror in mind removed, gone
Now, only contact with something yet to unfold.

I've imagined all of my ambitions and wonders into a clear box,
Because words are never used in these realms where the entities live your every thought
Neither judgmental, nor contemptuous - Without hindrance they'll give guidance

Next, "thank you, I think I get" I felt.

         It felt back, "word."

And it was all good. . .

I don't know how much time has gone by, it's irrelevant.

"Whoa"! I say! Woah! Suddenly

Incandescent light roars all around
Quite quickly
I've become suddenly shot back down

I can hear strange dissonance, hallow harmonic sounds
Visions are fleeting, but the scenes flash like packs of hounds
Running through the forest, on the trial - - -
I am nature creating pathways like rivers
I am creation nurturing the ascension of trees because they're high
I am the willow tree unifying some heavens and Earth,
  The one culpable, mess of a man responsible for having a *****
I could be the ruler of chaos, but
I'd rather be the believer in truth she teaches - Venus

Awake, and back to a recognizable reality, I step out of bed
Head to the shower to ponder over the place I'd just been
And the rest of the day, try and implement what I feel is right
Not by saying to much but by listening and,
By letting another know that it's okay, that sometimes you just have to give in
I'm right here with you, you don't need to fight me, I don't have arms for this, no.
Help; is what I do and Help; is what we all receive, this is okay too.

Will you wounder with me, there's no side of the fence
I love you.
This will all be something soon. (?)

Spine like an arrow
Brian like a bow
This vessel is rooted deeply
Rear this soul, out I go

etc...

i wounder if their is
an angel that will
lead me to mr. right?

i wish that my angel
would lead me to the one
special person that i cant
stop crying for

i wish that the special one
would come for me

my angel is what i wish that
would help me get him
i wish and pray that he
would come everyday

i cry and hope that i
would get him everyday and
every time i cry

Complement me, I will deny it.
Be friendly to me, I will wounder why.
Smile at me, I will look away.
Wink at me, I will check for my wallet.
Kiss me, I will doubt your intentions.
Ignore me, I will fade away.

My melancholy self, needs some help.

You are the counterbalance to my mischievous soul.
Providing direction to a wounder-er unsure of where she'll go.

You have become countless breath taking destinations;
Appealing to my wanderlust
pulling from my weary soul
a trust

I would hesitate to think existed,
your presence and persistence
are exceptional,
my perceptions shifted.

Your grin is a force to be reckoned with.
I gave you my will and you bent it.
I gave you my good sense
and you spent it.

Admit it,
you admire my wit,
even when driven to wits end,
we co-exist in perfect contradiction
amending every bit I'm missing.

And when when I whispered we were meant to be,
I meant it.

Let the cage be rattled,
the foundation be crushed,
who else has had enough?

Enough of the dull life.
Enough of being wrong or right.
Enough of the ungrateful like.

Boundaries stop us because we bound our selves .
Limited by limitation on self approval and glory.
Souls bathed in ****** glory

Come fight for your life as you want
Wounder and wander letting fools squander
But never have enough.

today I met the devil
we had a cup of tea in the garden of mysterious shadows
he showed me the world through the visions of dead flowers
I watched as the sun killed the last ******
then buried him in the cold soil
his bones rose out from the ashes of hate
laid down beneath the sliver lining
and sang his daughter to sleep
I wounder what it truly means to love someone
to see your little sister tired
and carry her up stairs to bed
only to fine that she'll still love you in the morning
this world turns circles in my stomach
I'm so dizzy that I can't even stand on two feet
hate is the next morning when all you get are dry heaves
and this world is full of alcoholics
I stopped to take a look at whats buried underneath this house
what foundation holds up the four corners of my life
and see what I truly stand for
but the answers are as twisted as my smile

upon
the
background of
blue sky
angel wings
made of clouds
i
wonder why

.....
I woke this morning
feeling not
like I did last night.


Last night


I felt something touch my
heart,


deep down to my very soul,



causing my spirit to
question what it too started to feel.


You've captivated me,



How did I lose track of what's
important?


Never can


I Say I played so falsely  
with someones better half,


but now


He's the better half of me,



Unlike a concubine or wife



I- as his mistress



have no


legal rights & relationship
to this man



I call mines.


It was fine,


Now I'm conflicted,
tormented,



I regret nothing then again it's
a lie
I regret he's not fully in my life.


A little bit of me dies away
leaving an empty shell,


Where I was once lived hearty
and well,


Now


With out him is something I
might have to face,


It's like I'm racing trying to
beat time,


while trying
to


continuously make him mines,
make
him realize


He needs me by his side.



How do I
compete


Yeah he says


I'll never have to,



Funny


thou
I feel as if I am
and
been doing so.


I got to give up and let nature
take its course.


Every-time


we're together our love making
gets better and better,


He never has to direct me nor I
him,


It's like we were meant, made
for one another


yet
here I am not his girl just
his lover.


I feel sadden when we
part,


Like he's taking away my heart.



I know when he's
home,


Oh how


I hope
it's about the
children and not "her" his babies mom.


But I'd be fool in thinking she
wasn't getting everything like me,


I'd be fool in wishing that
she'd leave,


She knows what a great man
she's
got
even if all she may ever be is just good enough.
While He professes I'm his greatest love,
He says
I'm his true love.
I doubt  his words& my guiltys setting in.


We conversed on so many levels
sharing more than what's ******


Yet I feel at times like he's
evasive,


Avoiding questions,
Changing
things,
Pleasing me isn't the problem.


It's when I'm not around
him,


I want to monopolize
all his
time
when he's not with the children or his
"wife"


I want him to give her up
but
How
can I say I had enough,
When in reality,


We just began to love- each
other,


I wonder would
he,


Tell her he's loving me,
Would
he speak on how he's in love with me?
Would he let her know


He's for now going to keep
seeing me,


Being with me?
Would he let
her know all the thing's we

DO?


Tell her how I move to his
groove,


Let her know
I'm important too,
to him,


I'm more than a friend?
Even
if


she doesn't ask will he man up
and let her know all
that?


Tell her


He's got deeper feelings and



that


"YES"


what we me and him have does
mean something?
Or


will he keep hiding me,
denying
me,


Make up
excuses for what we be
****?
I wounder  


if she knows


who I am
at times
cuz
I think no women is
stupid,


or so naive.


I'm sure she
guesses


but does she
question?


Why am I so fascinated with
her.


Because


She has everything I
want


and


at this point I find it ****
near impossible to keep holding on.


No strings my *** I'm wrapping
ropes around Him ,


Yeah
You.


I love more than the
physical,


I like our
talks,


Love when  we go walking
hand&han;;,


To a movie or 2
wouldn't be bad
again,


Out to eat and I love how you
hold me as I fall asleep,


I love how You kiss my eyelids
& how you wipe away my  tears,


As well as when you rock me
slowly to your body,


Letting me run my nails all
over you,


I crave more
thou.


That's where all my problems
come into light.
I can't settle for being second
I have to say Good-Bye
& Do
Something So
Completely
DIFFERENT!
Always Me Ayeshah
©1977-2010 Ayeshah
(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights
reserved

welcome to a house of terror, 
we are a family of smiling wall starers, 
this is a happy life you know, 
and this happend just a couple of years ago, 

I used to wake up and get dressed, 
hide from all of the rest,
as I speed away to school, 
I only felt like the world was cruel, 

when I finally go there, 
I used to hide next to the toilet-chair, 
because I needed some seconds to beath, 
before I went out and joined the heat. 
pushed, teased, beaten, kicked, defeat, 
I stood my grounds my my heart fell down. 

I went home thinking my day would come around, 
but it never did, I was always hellbound, 
nasty words and beatings was my usual greetings, 
until I took that gun and POPPED, 
no, but I wish I wouldnt have stopped, 

because now I still live in fear,
and I always wounder if the end is near.

Once things seemed so easy, so clear.
Simple were the words we spoke
Beauty in the eyes that looked
Through the window of my mind
Through the shadows, into light
Soft yellows, warming my face
Looking out the window
Into the street
Past the empty branches
To the road below
That tells so many stories
Of the ones who know
The ones that laugh
The ones who cry
The ones who wounder
The ones who lye
Below the tree
Above the city
On a mountain side

Four walls around me
I cant get out
No one hears me
I set and wounder

Why am i always hurt
Why do i feel empty
Why am i always hurting

My heart hurts
I wounder why?
Wish someone could take it
All away

Rodney the Tormentor came toward me,
a slick sneer edging the mug of his leering mouth.

He prepared the next barb garnished with a delicate sliver of dry ice.
What was he going to find to ridicule this time?

My hair too long, too short?
The art assignment a pathetic attempt at literature?

My bowling action; a cross between a mental patient and a broken wind-mill?
Knees too bulbous for any normal person?

I thought, not today.

I’ve had this, like this, for almost two years
everyday
each day a new torture, a new laceration of clean practiced words
and me accepting the torment with the dull weariness that comes only from unkind relentless repetition

allowing the beast fresh meat
thinking, hoping one day he’ll stop
surely he’ll tire of the incessant need to ridicule
believing one day the ‘****’ jokes will dry up

but they never do

such is the never-end brutal articulation, the
verbal incision, the cruel words of blunt destructive beauty:

teenage confidence stumbling like a novice boxer
dribbling with fresh bruises

but not today
the animal hunted turns
to find precision and strength in defiance  

it is the time to wound the wounder
and then all
that follows

‘Rodney the Tormenter’  going down       the windless scream of one blow
two years in the forging           one first and final blow
one strike                               one out

a fist gutting                                        and nothing gets back up

the art gallery attendent           the other students on excursion
the teachers,  all as if complicit in retribution, like a magicians audience
look the other way

and Rodney down                       solar-plexus perplexed

the swift shock in defeat
and a new entry in the part of Rodney’s brain that stores
future possible outcomes to hitherto unchecked actions

decades later I can still see his face in that ghastly micro-moment: pain, shock, horror
and most surprisingly


relief.







MChallis © 2005/2014

When it all comes to silence
And there's nothing you could do
You feel the ground trembling
Right under you
If all the angles are down
And all the demons are on the ground
But there's nothing you could do
You can't make a sound
All the promises that were broken
All the words that were not spoken
You stand there handcuffed
There's no going back now
Weak, vulnerable, destroyed, burned
Buried alive, drowning in your tears
The heat burns , inside out
Is this hell? You wounder
Yes, there's no doubt
Soaking in your misery
Last breaths to take
But make no mistake
You put it all on stake
You live with it all
You live and thrive in ache

i got some guts and leapt into the unknown,
and now i'm scared you'll leave me alone,
i asked you a question and you left me with no answer,
and now i wounder if i'm even worth one....

i'm so confused,
getting dragged into a sudden blues,
all the signs were there,
i really thought you cared,
maybe i just read you wrong,
but you made me feel like i belonged...

you made me smile
when i was about to cry,
you made me laugh
when i thought i had died.....

now i need an answer,
or i'll always wonder,
if i had done this differently,
would you have said yes to me????