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IamThatGirl May 2018
welcome to a house of terror, 
we are a family of smiling wall starers, 
this is a happy life you know, 
and this happend just a couple of years ago, 

I used to wake up and get dressed, 
hide from all of the rest,
as I speed away to school, 
I only felt like the world was cruel, 

when I finally go there, 
I used to hide next to the toilet-chair, 
because I needed some seconds to beath, 
before I went out and joined the heat. 
pushed, teased, beaten, kicked, defeat, 
I stood my grounds my my heart fell down. 

I went home thinking my day would come around, 
but it never did, I was always hellbound, 
nasty words and beatings was my usual greetings, 
until I took that gun and POPPED, 
no, but I wish I wouldnt have stopped, 

because now I still live in fear,
and I always wounder if the end is near.
This is a day in my 13year old life or well every in almost my entire life
IamThatGirl May 2018
we live in a world where money means more than your life,
you have to work hard to support your kids and your wife,
nobody cares that while your child was in labor,
your wife died and your kid came out as her equal,

we live in a word where grades mean more than your life,
you need to get straight A´s in a system where they won´t help you advance,
you suffer from depression, ADHD and some more,
you are not a brat or just bored,
but they don´t care that last night you slit your own wrists with a blade,
come back to school today - you need to improve this grade.

we live in a world where looks mean more than your life,
you have to be attractive to get anything in life,
they don´t care if you are anorexic, bulimic or if you have social anxiety,
all they care about is that your scars can only be portrayed in your personal diary,

we live in a world where were locked in a cage and told what to do,
they tell us who we are, how to act, and what to do,
they do not care about our personal struggles,
they could care less if you were on the very brink of committing suicide,
as long as you don´t disturb their plan its fine,
you will be forgotten, if they struggle with it you will be called selfish, for hitting rock bottom - with your face first.
because they don´t get, they can´t imagine that your struggles was way worse than theirs, a lack of compassion splits us from the rest,
don´t expect no help when you scream in distress.
this is really personal to me as I right now am struggeling to keep living
IamThatGirl May 2018
When everyone's asleep
I admit my defeat

When everyone celebrates 
My depression elevates 

Because while everyone is dreaming on
I stand frozen and watch my dreams burn on

And while everybody gather with family and friends
I stand lonesome and watch my world burn again
If I don't go out of bed again nothing bad can happen
IamThatGirl May 2018
Depression is like a wall you have to climb to succeed,
depression is a rock pulling you down the stream,
depression allows all insecurities to take over,
depression holds you back from everything you love,
in the end only making it worse,
it feels like there is no where out,
just a blade on your wrist and pills in your mouth,
but Im not ready to give up allthough I have tried,
what Im ready for is making this depression -
Just a little description of how depression feels to me at this exact moment. I wont be going to school today either because every time I try to even think less do leave my dorm I break into a million pices and cry endlessly and I don’t like having panic attacks because the feeling of passing out is still new to me. ugh.
IamThatGirl May 2018
I see the house, Im here to stay .
Nobody to hold my hand, nobody to protect me if they try to-
take me over.
Im so scared Im shaking.
I open the door and I pass into the hall.
Where my mother comes up.
She makes me feel so small.
She is screaming, raging mad.
And dad is drunk, he ain´t doing nothing about that.
She raises her hand about to hit me,
then she disappears.
Throughout this experience I've been shaking violently,
I stopped breathing or breathing extremely hollowly,
could feel a sense of cold washing through my body,
and all I want to do is fall down sobbing.
Im not yet ready to pass through,
I need help, because of you.
I´m trying to follow my therapists orders and enter my haunted house. When I can walk through it my therapy is done but I can beraly get behind the door.
IamThatGirl May 2018
Behind the fights, the scream, the pain, the fleeing.
We live together, deeply in love, forever.
We all have our flaws, and these are ours.
So we have something to work on together.
When we are forever
IamThatGirl May 2018
after 14 years of bullying and abuse,
mentally ill she seeks a thrill,
she seeks validation from anyone in this wide nation,
she just wanted some good attention,
to relief some of that tension,
she just wanted a friend,
but her autism made it hard to comprehend.

It started out so innocent,
she could not see his intent,
he moved in slow and calm,
he had her in the palm of his hand,

they finally met and behind all of the distress
she felt like he ment well
then it all turned around and became hell

he wasn´t  who he said he was,
and the girl ran out of all her luck,
forcing her into submission,
he could do whatever he wanted,
bewitching - her with charm and kind words,
that innocent girl turned against the world,

the depression got worse,
and in the end she just wanted to purge,
she wanted it gone,
her family, her school the world,
she was alone,
nobody to her support,

and as the days grew old,
she made another attempt on her life,
she succeeded,

that´s how I wish It would have ended sometimes
but I kept going,
I held my head high,
I am not that innocent anymore,
and my soul is forever sore,

I´m still fighting my demons every day,
and I will for the rest of my life,
until I finally hit the hay.
just kinda of a summery of how I became a victim of **** for the first time at the age of 14. I don´t even remember how maybe times it has happend since that first time. But thankfully I´m away from all of that now.
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