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Cullen Quinn Oct 2015
I am not a jealous man, but my heart beats like one and my hands shake like one and god ****** my eyes see like one; I am not a jealous man. Tell Aaron. Tell Erik. Tell Kyle. You’re ******* beautiful and I know it and they know it and it seems like these days you’re the only one that doesn’t. I’m not one to be gentle with my words, you should know that by now. But I am careful with them. I dream—real fantasies—about knocking these guys out because they look at you like I used to or flirt with you like I used to or buy your ******* fries like I used to when I was there but now I’m not. Just please don’t forget that I did those things first and I’ll do them again. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. I am not a jealous man. See you Friday.
I'm jealous of who you used to kiss,
Wonder how many you've been with
I'm jealous of who you might look at,
When I'm not there with you...

I'm jealous you'll see,
That I'm not good enough for you,
I'm not even good enough for me...
Maybe you'll then leave me,
Alone and broken in half...

I'm jealous of everyone I find better than me,
Scared I'll never even compare
I'm jealous of girls with confidence,
Something I've lacked from the start
I'm jealous of those fearless girls,
Because I'm filled up with fear
I'm jealous of their success,
Because I'm still way behind,
Where I really want to be...

I don't hate them for it,
I believe they deserve all the good they can get

I'm not jealous and hateful,
I'm jealous and sad,
Jealous and scared,
Jealous and hopeless
Jealous of the life I want,
That I'm so far from
Jealous of it all,
But still stuck to the ground
Jealous and jealous
I'm simply jealous...

Will I ever be pleased?
Will I ever be proud?
Will I ever get my success?
Zach Abler May 2014
Oh why am I still hurting
Isn't it past the hour of pain?
Hell is only temporary
Til He rids you of all shame!

I stepped into  Your room
Try to relive Your relieving
To rid me of my gloom
Try to receive Your revealing

Jealous the jealous God
I seek restless for Your love
Mine eyes grow tired and weary
Jealous the jealous God

Jealous the jealous God
I drown helpless in Your flood
I thirst scarcely for Your mercy
Jealous the jealous God

Why is the world so empty
Yet weighs millions o' pounds?
Where lies pile up aplenty
To keep the lost from being found

Why is deception
Like form of education
Setting false foundations
Corrupting His creation
As lies disguise damnation
For a paper-clad salvation
Sending ill vibrations
To the youth of all the nations

I wonder how much am I missing, o God?
A wonder even the universe cannot contain
Translated and made compatible in a human's brain.
Soulless animals kiss the land
In honor of the One
Who was, who is and is to come
Who dares their doubt expand
In disbelief blot out the sun
Jealous the jealous God
Soulless animals indeed we have become
Written for 'Or Are We?' after co-founder and the act's former guitarist James David Pedida moved to Dumaguete City and Ullrich Lariosa replaced him.
Matthew P Beron Mar 2013
Jealous Again

I put Black Flag, Jealous Again on the turntable
It spins and I spin
I hold my hands to my face like I have a mic
I feel like spitting as I pump my fist
MAYBE I AM JEALOUS
Jealous of the guy who has two kids
Jealous of the guy with a job
Jealous of the guy with a car
I put Black Flag, Jealous Again on the turntable
It spins and I spin
I make faces and show my teeth
My grill needs work
MAYBE I AM JEALOUS
Jealous of the guy who has nice teeth
Jealous of the guy with six pack abs
Jealous of the guy with a full head of hair
I shouldn't be jealous
I have me
My values
My family
My friends
I even have Black Flag, Jealous Again on vinyl
I have everything I need
I shouldn't be jealous
Aseel Mohamed May 2018
I'm jealous!
I'm jealous of the way you see them and not me!
I'm jealous of the way you spoil them and not me!
I'm jealous!
I'm jealous of the air you're breathing with them...and not me!
I'm jealous of the distance that's keeping us apart!
I'm jealous!

My jealousy is superstitious,
It's way above us!
I wrote you down on a note, trying to connect with you,
But instead, I realized the distance between me and you!
Continents apart,
Oceans apart,
So far, yet everlastingly so close!

I'm jealous!
I'm jealous of the years I missed out on spending with you,
I'm jealous!
I'm jealous of the times I knew I saw you as something more, but didn't say anything!
I'm jealous!
My jealousy is ridiculously overwhelming!
But to think about getting jealous of you,
Gets my soul jealous for my heart being stolen by you!
My jealousy is disappearing!
Em Jan 2016
I'm jealous of your pen.
Jealous of the way your hands will never caress my skin like you hold it.
Jealous of the way you won't ever twirl me on a wooden dance floor like you spin it.

I'm jealous of your tie.
Jealous of the way it wraps around your neck, a place my arms will never be.
Jealous of how nothing separates it from your skin except a shirt, but I have red tape cuffing my hands behind my back when I want nothing more than to let them roam beneath the collar of your blue-striped button down.

I'm jealous of your ears.
Jealous of the words they get to hear when mine aren't around to listen.
Jealous of the way they get to hear i love you spill over and over again from your pillowy lips, the same lips that form into a smirk after you tell a joke and make me feel like the most important person in the world.

I'm jealous of the way you make me feel.
Jealous, because, I'll never make you feel that way, too.
i've been listening to too much Labrinth and buying too many dresses to impress you
Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2015
Jealous? Me?

Jealous that you love her more?

Jealous that you let her kiss you?

Jealous that you care about her?

Jealous that you don't lecture her?

Jealous that you don't play with her emotions?

Happy, sad?

Angry?

Jealous that you
Treat her better?

Haha hahaha.

Yeah.

I'm jealous.
Ruby Rose Dec 2015
I’m jealous

Jealous of him,
Of the love you share.
Jealous of the way he gets you,
Of the time you spend together.

Jealous of the closeness you have,
Of the relationship you have.
Jealous of the way you act together,
Of the way you love him.

Jealous of the special place he holds in your heart.
Jealous of the way he makes you smile
Jealous of the hand holding
Jealous of the way he looks at you

Jealous because you
Will never love me
The same way
You love him
jealous of dreams,
jealous of dreams,
jealous of dreams.

jealous of your legs,
jealous of your legs,
jealous of your legs.

***** for your love,
***** for your love,
***** for your love.
Karijinbba Jun 12
JEALOUS

Poem lyrics dedicated to Karkjinbba
in memory of pjc-rkrdd interstellar
Traveler on another mission.
~~~~~~
'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
worshipping in ground as you may walk on splattering all down

I'm Jealous of the waves at sea that rock your boat with her not me
spilling out on you our old wine reserved for us to spill on each others unintended wounds

I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through
your clothes;
the exotic perfume aromas
you bought for me alone
but now she wears.
along with my diamond heart ring.

I'm Jealous of the way she combes her hair each night
looking in our ancient
mirrored vanity desk

While you looking at her
moon light to guide
may you look at me
my stary constellation
sky high glide  

I am jealous of the tennis rocket
you swing to her meant
to swing back to me
Darling;
it's closer than your shadow
left behind to comfort me.

Oh, I'm jealous of the air you breathe in the same room, with her alone  dancing to songs
and tunes meant for us two alone
on your master lovely bedroom;
moving dancing rdd/bba style!

Still I wish you the best
all this world could give
Love of my life.

I wouldn't sacrifice my love and life for you again though;
instead, I would, earn your love,
right back forgive me sweet love divine elite great among great,
peace be with you

As I told you when you left
In every lifetime for another girl,
you leave me
all I wanted was an airline ticket
to fly to you in Carol Lumbard's skin

Dear runner mine
poverty was my foe I couldn't chase.
but I always thought you'd come back,
or even pick me up
on your limousine
for a joyful ecstacy filled ride!

Telling me all you found without me was heartbreak and misery!
Because darling that's all I found
without you.
It's hard for me to say,
I'm jealous of the way
You're h a p p y without meeee.

I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
watching the billion stars from our bedroom bed with your patpapa
Aquarius and my Aries telescope.
I'm wondering
who you lay next to!
Oh, I'm jealous of those sacred nights.
I'm jealous of the love
your love that was all mine
gone for someone else to share.

I'm jealous of the love
cause I wished you too
the very best
all this world could give.
~~~~~~~
For Karijinbba
By: Kear and Natalie Hemby.
06-11-2020
Copy Rights.
I have nothing to do with jealou malice or greed..as
Jealousy is a very distractive emotion
And if I had to be jealous of another woman
Something was really wrong with our relationship.
I was hurt still i wish you well instead but not jealous I let you go
your happiness was above and beyond my own for I loved you the.most in the whole wide world for I forgave you the most
Peace.
thrcy Jul 2014
I am jealous of your bed sheets, that gets to know what happened throughout your day
That gets to find out all your secrets at 3 in the morning
And gets to know who the real you is
I am jealous how it gets to listen to your heart beat every night before you go to sleep
Jealous how it gets to listen to all your favourite songs
How it's able to comfort you from the cold, because I wish my embrace could do that
I am jealous how it's able to wipe out all your tears from the bad days you've been having, because I wish I could take away your sadness for you
I am jealous how you look forward to be in your bed every night, because I wish I could be your home that you come to
I am jealous how it's always there for you, even if you didn't need it
Because I just hope that I could be there for you even if I didn't have to
But I can't because you won't let me be there
I am jealous how it brings you comfort & warmth
For how I wish I could be the one to comfort you
Jealous how it gets to tuck you in every night
And how it gets to sleep and be with you whenever you want to
Because I wish so bad to be with you whenever
Mostly I am jealous how it's where you want to be at most times, when you have your dark days
Because I just want you to come to me in the times where you're at your lowest
I am jealous how it knows all your stories, your strengths, weaknesses
Because I just want to be able to know them too
Jealous how it's the most comfortable place to be, because I wish to be your safe haven
Lani Nov 2017
I'm Jealous.
I'm jealous of everyone that gets to lay their eyes on you
I'm jealous of everyone who occupies your time
I'm jealous of every girl that's ever been seen with you
I'm jealous of every pair of lips that have touched yours
I'm jealous of every hand that's been intertwined with yours
Im jealous of every body that's been pressed against you
I'm jealous of how the stars get to be with the moon
And I'm jealous that it cant be me and you
Moon tears Nov 2015
I'm jealous of the rain
That falls upon your skin
It's closer than my hands have been
I'm jealous of the rain
I'm jealous of the wind
That ripples through your clothes
It's closer than your shadow
Oh, I'm jealous of the wind, 'cause

I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive

But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me

I'm jealous of the nights
That I don't spend with you
I'm wondering who you lay next to
Oh, I'm jealous of the nights
I'm jealous of the love
Love that was in here
Gone for someone else to share
Oh, I'm jealous of the love
I wished you the best of
All this world could give
And I told you when you left me
There's nothing to forgive

But I always thought you'd come back, tell me all you found was
Heartbreak and misery
It's hard for me to say, I'm jealous of the way
You're happy without me
As I sink in the sand
Watch you slip through my hands
Oh, as I die here another day
'Cause all I do is cry behind this smile
its hard for me to say im jelous of the way your happy without me
Adrian Dec 2014
Here I am sitting, hurting and aching.
I am Jealous indeed

I am Jealous because,
You showed me value but you suddenly took it away.

I am Jealous because my love was ignored
I am Jealous because I gave my all,
and I couldn't convice you of my love.

I couldn't convince you,
that I love you.

I am Jealous because you yelled on me with anger and rage
and the next, a photo with you smilling.

I am Jealous for I could not trace logically,
For I could not see the source of your hatred.

Deeper than your hatred for me,
There's a reason why,
There's a reason that you blinded yourself to my good deeds.
That you saw none of which i gave you that was good.
Love, time, strenght, service, you saw none of these,
In your rage you only saw my folly, in which is not even valid to say.

I am Jealous, for you say you loved me,
yet another you said you never did.
and yet you said you can lie to hurt me.

Which one is true. I am torn.

I am Jealous that my small mistakes are drilled through my being
While their's, they are justified beyond all senses.

I am Jealous, because you made me feel special,
you made me feel like I am no other,

I am Jealous because you convinced me you'll never leave me
Yet now, like a nobody, in which you threw away.

Perhaps I may assume the best from you,
that you threw me away, because you wanted my heart safe.
Because, I brought out the monster in you.

How is that, I do not know...
All I knew was that I loved you with a sincere heart
muteD Apr 2016
He says he's jealous of me.

Because I have a new family.
Because I have new friends.
Because I finally have my life together.
Do you understand?!
Me. He's jealous of ME.
HA. Funny.

He's jealous of:
The girl who has lost *everyone
and everything.
The girl who got kicked out of her house because she likes guys *AND
girls.
The girl who was forced to go to a church, who brainwashed her into thinking she was a disgrace.
The girl who suffered from mental and emotional abuse for 4 YEARS.
The girl who turned to scissors, and razors for companionship.
The girl who was lied to, again and again.
The girl who lost her grandma, then two months later lost her sister.
The girl who hates her reflection, because she isn't proud of who she is.
The girl with self-image, self-confidence, and self-esteem problems.
The girl who can't see her brothers, the ones that are keeping her going, her anchors.

I've lost EVERYTHING.
Everything I have now, I earned.
I worked for what I have.
And I'll continue striving for my goals.
Graduation. College. My mom.
My brothers.

So, no. Don't be jealous of me.
Don't speak of what you don't know.
If you want to be jealous of me, wait.
Wait until I have everyone and everything I need.
When I am truly happy,
then you can be jealous.
*Be jealous until your heart's content.
This is just the conversation I had the other day with this guy who says he is my best friend, but doesn't know nothing about me.
Karijinbba Nov 2018
Unfathomable
You think?
Just a poet hidden in a rhyme?

No Poet nor Poetess can
describe me re-invent create me
disintegrate or compare me
nor understand me
I am you I am him
I am even all of us
yet very unique as each one
of us is
only one of me on earth
interconnected to everything and everyone by nature
like we all really are!

I do sparkle in my birth chart
with an April's diamond
I am a mystic daisy
Aries is my Constelation
I was born to lead and the opportunity blossomed obscured by great pain and untimely loss.

only my old true love decided to get to know me behind my back using his strange methods as oposed to giving me a chance one on one face to face to
get to know me
impossible to know me through the slanderous affiliations of selfish jealous people who don't have my best interest!
if bad men and women who might envy me or feel rejected by me must help you decide where your heart is about me
you'll never know me at all!
you will be lost in the maze of your own ignorance and lose a chance to know me as a great lover great parent great wife greatest friend that you could ever have.
This isn't any wild thought of mine here. NO. It's my life how it has unfolded how I experienced  great fortune great love great loss rejection admiration
and how I had to heal all alone
because friends came not to me in this life time at all.
Most masculine gender saught only to use me and I got tired of them playing their nasty impersonal text photo **** games requested leading nowhere
Most married women envied me and were sickly unecessarily jealous of my unmarried non challant status and sincere platonic friendly disposition.

My dogs cats crows and raccoons
remained my better friends then any humans could ever be.

My few diamonds are forever though their sparkle never lied steal cheat nor deceive or commit treason,
OR DO THEY?
I tried singles adds for friendship but t.v's episodes of
"Mission Impossible" was
an easier task then finding even a friend much less a husband a best lover a good father
for my kids!
I tried chat lines most men seemed to be functioning through their ****** primarily and heartlessly offering to pay soliciting full trust so long as it was all between two strangers no strings attached, right unto instantly intimate chaotic
dangerous *** games
which I was never into any of it.

So I put my Kama-Zutra brain I inherited from my Mom and Dad inside a tini match box all to sleep.
A husband of my choice was forfeited
and a second one or third of my choice seldom materialized.
so I didn't settled never sold out.

My true love's diamond heart promised stayed in his coat pocket waiting for my
" jealous tears" now scintilates in another woman's finger.

I couldn't like her as a greedy drug user law liar manipulator much less be jealous of her answering your phone.
Much less be jealous of the *******'s calling photo card you showed me so I cry of jealousy and anger to earn your huge diamond ring!
You could have tried telling me
"I love you" then marry me,
filling my woumb with your beloved seed, and at last
stand by me;
  then I would be jealous only when and if, a real good reason to be jealous, existed!

Wasn't I ballanced in my emotions? beautiful in and out being self assured!?
Couldn't you reward that in me instead?
A beige yarn still wraps around my left ring finger today.
I guess in the end even my sparkling diamond betrayed me.

an ugly insecure jealous greedy woman won it.
what's left for me are my pets my grandkids and my 41 undeserved unprovoqued enemies to busy myself with praying for!
and to finish my books depicting my hell, my almost paradise
a new heaven on earth
painfully forfeited.
I never sold myself to men never sold out, no. I don't regret it

but I regret not playing one man's game to earn my man back at any cost because in the end I still
very much remain loving one man no matter what he put me through
his kind of love was all worth it .
~~~~~
Welcome to planet Earth
jump into life!
~~~~
By: Karijinibba/ASG
All rights reserved.
Let's ransom positive energy from one another by understanding each other so we wont miss out on a perfect man and woman made for each other. I believe in rewarding the ability to ballance non destructive emotions instead of promoting unhealthy ones as means for a man to feel loved by a woman
or vise-verse.
Heather Wright Aug 2013
Hey jealous,
Quit with the rumors
With the gross stories
Stop all your lies

Hey jealous,
Are you mad?
That he has me and you have nothing
Or that I didn’t do have the stuff you said

Hey jealous,
Why are you hiding from me?
Are you scared?
You should be

Hey jealous,
Only your friends believe your stories
You are not a good liar
Even your best friend hates you

Hey jealous,
I can’t believe we were friends
I use to tell you everything
Why did you do this to me?

Hey jealous,
My friends aren't going to listen
Stop telling them lies about me
They know the truth
LostDreame Sep 2014
You make me jealous
I make you jealous
But together you and I
Can make the world *jealous
I hate jealousy
Y Rada Oct 2015
I have no right to be jealous,
Of you and that perfect woman.
She is definitely yours,
And you are hers of course.

I have no right to be jealous,
If you brushed your fingers through her hair.
You look at her divinely in the eyes,
And mine are misty for my heart cries.

I have no right to be jealous,
If you kiss her ever so softly.
You whisper her words of caress,
I'm locking my soul in self-made fortress.

I have no right to be jealous,
When you speak her name gently.
Drawling each syllable with care,
I wish to have that girl's name to be fair.

I have no right to be jealous,
When you give her the whole universe.
You offer her the most simple "I love you",
I yearn to reply freely "me too".
Cameron Godfrey Mar 2012
I'm jealous
But I'd never admit it
I've been abandoned
And I just want to quit it
But I know that I can't give up.
I'm jealous
But I'd never tell him
I've been crying my eyes out.
I've just been so jealous.
But I know that I'm just out of luck.
I'm jealous
But he'll never know
I haven't slept at night
but it'll never show.
I know that he doesn't love me too.
I'm jealous
I'm not okay
I've been left out
day after day
Maybe I've done wrong.
I just don't have a clue.
This one's for a boy, he doesn't know who he is, but I've been so upset, and it's all come to this. Thank you, my friends, who've tried to help me through it... but I've been destroyed... You know what? Just ***** it.
L Apr 2015
I was dreaming of the past
and my heart was beating fast
I began to lose control
I began to lose control
I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh my I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy

I was feeling insecure
You might not love me anymore
I was shivering inside
I was shivering inside
Oh I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh my I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy


I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh my I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy

I was trying to catch your eyes
I thought that you were trying to hide
I was swallowing my pain
I was swallowing my pain
I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh my I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy
watch out baby I'm just a jealous guy
Look out baby I'm just a jealous guy
I cry every time this song makes its way to the needle

**
Leigh
Jstraco Nov 2017
Remember that smell?
The smell of the spring, the air, the breeze… it smells like, everything will be okay.

The fabric of the gentle breeze warps around and wrestles the trees.
The leaves whispering among themselves, it’s the softest noise.
What are the saying? They’re talking about us…

“The way they hold each other” they say, “as if they can’t let go.”
“The way they talk” they wonder, “as if they won’t let go.”
“The way she wraps her legs around his”
“The way she makes him smile”
“The way he says the funniest things”
“The way he makes her laugh”
“The way she wraps her arms around him”
“The way she touches his hand”
“The way he presses his lips against hers”
“The way he looks in her eyes”
“The way she makes him feel, the way he makes her feel…”

                                                “Happy.”

I’ve always been jealous of the way the wind dances with the leaves,
As the leaves and the wind have always been jealous of the way we dance together, you and I.
They are jealous of our freedom, they are jealous of our love.
Don't worry, it's not supposed to make sense.
Sena Kashiwazaki Nov 2014
I am jealous
When you stare at her
Because I'm afraid
you will find her prettier than me

i am jealous
When you get closer to her
Because I'm afraid
you will choose her over me

I am jealous
When you get to know her
Because I'm afraid
you will find her more interesting

I am jealous
When you give your attention to her        
Because I'm afraid
she will matter to you more than me

I am jealous
When you compare me to her
Because i know i can't compete

I am jealous
Every moment
everytime
Because I'm afraid
you will love her not me


{S.K}
Jade Jan 2019
I’m jealous of the way they have your attention
I’m jealous of the way they smile with you
I’m jealous of the way they laugh
I’m jealous of the happiness you give them
I’m jealous of they way people make you a person
I’m not jealous of someone
I’m jealous of something
Something they have
Happiness
Emily Aug 2019
You think I am jealous,
But it doesn't bother me.
It's just the fact.

They love Azure
More than they love me.
I'm not jealous,
Cause it doesn't bother me.

I knew them more than a whole year,
But she replaced me so easily.
I'm not jealous,
It won't bother me.

He likes me for a while,
But now he likes her.
I can't be jealous,
Even if it bothers me.

I thought we were friends.

They value Azure
More than they value me.
I'm not jealous,
Believe me, I get that.

All of them. All of them
Went to her after barely a week.
I'm not jealous,
It won't bother me.

They like Azure
More than they like me.
I might be jealous,
Because it bothers me.

-3nwlry
Now I have no real life friends. Oh well. Who needs back stabbing jerks anyway?
A Dead Poet Apr 3
I am jealous of the sky,
That sees you every day.

I am jealous of the night,
That sings you to sleep.

I am jealous of the rain,
That feels every inch.

I am jealous of that man,
That you give every smile too.

I am jealous of the love,
That you give to someone else.

I am jealous that I love you so.
Jealous that I can’t love myself.
The way that I love you.
#Rhyme #FreeVerse #SlightStructure
KJ Jul 2018
I am jealous.
I am jealous of the way you easily change your faces.
They switch so quickly,
hardly anyone can keep up.

I am jealous.
I will admit it, the green monster building inside.
How do you live your life,
so carelessly.

I am jealous and angered.
I wish I could be as selfish and cold hearted as you.
I wish I could rip the knife out of my back,
and stab you too.

I am jealous and heartbroken.
I cry out in pain, pain that you so ruthlessly inflicted.
You think only of yourself, trampling everything in your path.

I am jealous and done.
I am tired of trying and fighting, fighting for you.
I am done wishing that you will be a better person.

Now,
no one is left to root for you.
Cass was the youngest and most beautiful of 5 sisters. Cass was the most beautiful girl
in town. 1/2 Indian with a supple and strange body, a snake-like and fiery body with eyes
to go with it. Cass was fluid moving fire. She was like a spirit stuck into a form that
would not hold her. Her hair was black and long and silken and whirled about as did her
body. Her spirit was either very high or very low. There was no in between for Cass. Some
said she was crazy. The dull ones said that. The dull ones would never understand Cass. To
the men she was simply a *** machine and they didn't care whether she was crazy or not.
And Cass danced and flirted, kissed the men, but except for an instance or two, when it
came time to make it with Cass, Cass had somehow slipped away, eluded the men.
Her sisters accused her of misusing her beauty, of not using her mind enough, but Cass
had mind and spirit; she painted, she danced, she sang, she made things of clay, and when
people were hurt either in the spirit or the flesh, Cass felt a deep grieving for them.
Her mind was simply different; her mind was simply not practical. Her sisters were jealous
of her because she attracted their men, and they were angry because they felt she didn't
make the best use of them. She had a habit of being kind to the uglier ones; the so-called
handsome men revolted her- "No guts," she said, "no zap. They are riding on
their perfect little earlobes and well- shaped nostrils...all surface and no
insides..." She had a temper that came close to insanity, she had a temper that some
call insanity. Her father had died of alcohol and her mother had run off leaving the
girls alone. The girls went to a relative who placed them in a convent. The convent had
been an unhappy place, more for Cass than the sisters. The girls were jealous of Cass and
Cass fought most of them. She had razor marks all along her left arm from defending
herself in two fights. There was also a permanent scar along the left cheek but the scar
rather than lessening her beauty only seemed to highlight it. I met her at the West End
Bar several nights after her release from the convent. Being youngest, she was the last of
the sisters to be released. She simply came in and sat next to me. I was probably the
ugliest man in town and this might have had something to do with it.
"Drink?" I asked.
"Sure, why not?"
I don't suppose there was anything unusual in our conversation that night, it was
simply in the feeling Cass gave. She had chosen me and it was as simple as that. No
pressure. She liked her drinks and had a great number of them. She didn't seem quite of
age but they served he anyhow. Perhaps she had forged i.d., I don't know. Anyhow, each
time she came back from the restroom and sat down next to me, I did feel some pride. She
was not only the most beautiful woman in town but also one of the most beautiful I had
ever seen. I placed my arm about her waist and kissed her once.
"Do you think I'm pretty?" she asked.
"Yes, of course, but there's something else... there's more than your
looks..."
"People are always accusing me of being pretty. Do you really think I'm
pretty?"
"Pretty isn't the word, it hardly does you fair."
Cass reached into her handbag. I thought she was reaching for her handkerchief. She
came out with a long hatpin. Before I could stop her she had run this long hatpin through
her nose, sideways, just above the nostrils. I felt disgust and horror. She looked at me
and laughed, "Now do you think me pretty? What do you think now, man?" I pulled
the hatpin out and held my handkerchief over the bleeding. Several people, including the
bartender, had seen the act. The bartender came down:
"Look," he said to Cass, "you act up again and you're out. We don't need
your dramatics here."
"Oh, *******, man!" she said.
"Better keep her straight," the bartender said to me.
"She'll be all right," I said.
"It's my nose, I can do what I want with my nose."
"No," I said, "it hurts me."
"You mean it hurts you when I stick a pin in my nose?"
"Yes, it does, I mean it."
"All right, I won't do it again. Cheer up."
She kissed me, rather grinning through the kiss and holding the handkerchief to her
nose. We left for my place at closing time. I had some beer and we sat there talking. It
was then that I got the perception of her as a person full of kindness and caring. She
gave herself away without knowing it. At the same time she would leap back into areas of
wildness and incoherence. Schitzi. A beautiful and spiritual schitzi. Perhaps some man,
something, would ruin her forever. I hoped that it wouldn't be me. We went to bed and
after I turned out the lights Cass asked me,
"When do you want it? Now or in the morning?"
"In the morning," I said and turned my back.
In the morning I got up and made a couple of coffees, brought her one in bed. She
laughed.
"You're the first man who has turned it down at night."
"It's o.k.," I said, "we needn't do it at all."
"No, wait, I want to now. Let me freshen up a bit."
Cass went into the bathroom. She came out shortly, looking quite wonderful, her long
black hair glistening, her eyes and lips glistening, her glistening... She displayed her
body calmly, as a good thing. She got under the sheet.
"Come on, lover man."
I got in. She kissed with abandon but without haste. I let my hands run over her body,
through her hair. I mounted. It was hot, and tight. I began to stroke slowly, wanting to
make it last. Her eyes looked directly into mine.
"What's your name?" I asked.
"What the hell difference does it make?" she asked.
I laughed and went on ahead. Afterwards she dressed and I drove her back to the bar but
she was difficult to forget. I wasn't working and I slept until 2 p.m. then got up and
read the paper. I was in the bathtub when she came in with a large leaf- an elephant ear.
"I knew you'd be in the bathtub," she said, "so I brought you something
to cover that thing with, nature boy."
She threw the elephant leaf down on me in the bathtub.
"How did you know I'd be in the tub?"
"I knew."
Almost every day Cass arrived when I was in the tub. The times were different but she
seldom missed, and there was the elephant leaf. And then we'd make love. One or two nights
she phoned and I had to bail her out of jail for drunkenness and fighting.
"These sons of *******," she said, "just because they buy you a few
drinks they think they can get into your pants."
"Once you accept a drink you create your own trouble."
"I thought they were interested in me, not just my body."
"I'm interested in you and your body. I doubt, though, that most men can see
beyond your body."
I left town for 6 months, bummed around, came back. I had never forgotten Cass, but
we'd had some type of argument and I felt like moving anyhow, and when I got back i
figured she'd be gone, but I had been sitting in the West End Bar about 30 minutes when
she walked in and sat down next to me.
"Well, *******, I see you've come back."
I ordered her a drink. Then I looked at her. She had on a high- necked dress. I had
never seen her in one of those. And under each eye, driven in, were 2 pins with glass
heads. All you could see were the heads of the pins, but the pins were driven down into
her face.
"******* you, still trying to destroy your beauty, eh?"
"No, it's the fad, you fool."
"You're crazy."
"I've missed you," she said.
"Is there anybody else?"
"No there isn't anybody else. Just you. But I'm hustling. It costs ten bucks. But
you get it free."
"Pull those pins out."
"No, it's the fad."
"It's making me very unhappy."
"Are you sure?"
"Hell yes, I'm sure."
Cass slowly pulled the pins out and put them back in her purse.
"Why do you haggle your beauty?" I asked. "Why don't you just live with
it?"
"Because people think it's all I have. Beauty is nothing, beauty won't stay. You
don't know how lucky you are to be ugly, because if people like you you know it's for
something else."
"O.k.," I said, "I'm lucky."
"I don't mean you're ugly. People just think you're ugly. You have a fascinating
face."
"Thanks."
We had another drink.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Nothing. I can't get on to anything. No interest."
"Me neither. If you were a woman you could hustle."
"I don't think I could ever make contact with that many strangers, it's
wearing."
"You're right, it's wearing, everything is wearing."
We left together. People still stared at Cass on the streets. She was a beautiful
woman, perhaps more beautiful than ever. We made it to my place and I opened a bottle of
wine and we talked. With Cass and I, it always came easy. She talked a while and I would
listen and then i would talk. Our conversation simply went along without strain. We seemed
to discover secrets together. When we discovered a good one Cass would laugh that laugh-
only the way she could. It was like joy out of fire. Through the talking we kissed and
moved closer together. We became quite heated and decided to go to bed. It was then that
Cass took off her high -necked dress and I saw it- the ugly jagged scar across her throat.
It was large and thick.
"******* you, woman," I said from the bed, "******* you, what have you
done?
"I tried it with a broken bottle one night. Don't you like me any more? Am I still
beautiful?"
I pulled her down on the bed and kissed her. She pushed away and laughed, "Some
men pay me ten and I undress and they don't want to do it. I keep the ten. It's very
funny."
"Yes," I said, "I can't stop laughing... Cass, *****, I love you...stop
destroying yourself; you're the most alive woman I've ever met."
We kissed again. Cass was crying without sound. I could feel the tears. The long black
hair lay beside me like a flag of death. We enjoined and made slow and somber and
wonderful love. In the morning Cass was up making breakfast. She seemed quite calm and
happy. She was singing. I stayed in bed and enjoyed her happiness. Finally she came over
and shook me,
"Up, *******! Throw some cold water on your face and pecker and come enjoy the
feast!"
I drove her to the beach that day. It was a weekday and not yet summer so things were
splendidly deserted. Beach bums in rags slept on the lawns above the sand. Others sat on
stone benches sharing a lone bottle. The gulls whirled about, mindless yet distracted. Old
ladies in their 70's and 80's sat on the benches and discussed selling real estate left
behind by husbands long ago killed by the pace and stupidity of survival. For it all,
there was peace in the air and we walked about and stretched on the lawns and didn't say
much. It simply felt good being together. I bought a couple of sandwiches, some chips and
drinks and we sat on the sand eating. Then I held Cass and we slept together about an
hour. It was somehow better than *******. There was flowing together without tension.
When we awakened we drove back to my place and I cooked a dinner. After dinner I suggested
to Cass that we shack together. She waited a long time, looking at me, then she slowly
said, "No." I drove her back to the bar, bought her a drink and walked out. I
found a job as a parker in a factory the next day and the rest of the week went to
working. I was too tired to get about much but that Friday night I did get to the West End
Bar. I sat and waited for Cass. Hours went by . After I was fairly drunk the bartender
said to me, "I'm sorry about your girlfriend."
"What is it?" I asked.
"I'm sorry, didn't you know?"
"No."
"Suicide. She was buried yesterday."
"Buried?" I asked. It seemed as though she would walk through the doorway at
any moment. How could she be gone?
"Her sisters buried her."
"A suicide? Mind telling me how?"
"She cut her throat."
"I see. Give me another drink."
I drank until closing time. Cass was the most beautiful of 5 sisters, the most
beautiful in town. I managed to drive to my place and I kept thinking, I should have
insisted she stay with me instead of accepting that "no." Everything about her
had indicated that she had cared. I simply had been too offhand about it, lazy, too
unconcerned. I deserved my death and hers. I was a dog. No, why blame the dogs? I got up
and found a bottle of wine and drank from it heavily. Cass the most beautiful girl in town
was dead at 20. Outside somebody honked their automobile horn. They were very loud and
persistent. I sat the bottle down and screamed out: "******* YOU, YOU *******
,SHUT UP!" The night kept coming and there was nothing I could do.
jeffrey conyers Nov 2012
It's hards for some to believe.
That many us of has no jealous bone within us.
Especially us truly in love.

Some people always jealous.
Jeaous of the woman that can get a man.
Or the man constantly with a woman.
They always jealous.

Some people always jealous of others people breaks.
Although the same opportunity exist for us.
Sure some catch a lucky break quicker than others

And you'll find some people always jealous.
It could be a brother.
It could be a sister.
It could your lover.

This emotion ruins many affairs.
Where it seems people over cares?

— The End —