iloveyou,
you say, tangling up the three words in one breath.
i love you more, i tell you.
no, iloveyoumore, you say.
i love you more than bees love flowers, i say,
and you tell me that bees love pollen
and that youlovememore.
but i love you,
more than bees love flowers and yes, pollen
and i love you more than birds love to sing
more than wishes love stars
more than dreams love sleep
i love you more
than grass loves rain
and rain loves the earth
and the earth loves trees
and the trees love the wind.
i love you more
than sunflowers love sun,
more than the sun loves the sky,
more than the sky loves blue,
more than blue loves the sea.
i love you
ilove you
iloveyou like youloveme.

apparently it's not even crossword! the tagging, the aghast timing, but you didn't care about me, so why, should you be treated as Aleppo? why?! join the queue and please... shut, the ****, up! you didn't care about me... you think i'll care about you? no. no! hashtag that if you please; oh sorry, the world is cruel, hence the Arctic and Prince Harry: chequer or the check check chequers or simply Croat checkered math and the chess board... nonetheless: #likeigiveashithaha*

#love                         #life
#sad                               #pain
#depression                    #poetry
#death              ­              #poem
#thoughts                     #you
#heart                        #heartbreak
#sadness          ­                #hurt
#hope                             #broken
#lost                                   #loss
#alone                                                  #ha­te
#haiku                                       #beryldov
#happy                              #relationship
#10w ­                                                #nature
#me                                       #dark
#beauty                                      #time
#suicide­                                      #words
#romance            ­                   #happiness
#fear                                                 ­  #relationships
#depressed                                    #lon­ely
#night                                          #anxiety
#god­                                                #***
#soul       ­                                        #dreams
#feelings                                          #truth­
#memories                                     #lust
#girl                                                 #wikipedia
#friendship                                           #writing
#dream                                          #passion­
#breakup                                            #light
#ange­r                                          #peace
#family        ­                                         #friends
#him                                                    ­  #mind
#music                                                 #self
#eyes                                                      ­      #poems
#stars                                              ­    #her
#darkness                                               ­       #people
#sleep                                            ­      #world
#change                                             ­   #beautiful
#past                                              ­ #moon
#rain                                                      ­           #lies
#tears                                                     ­            #boy
#help                                                       ­ #loneliness
#poet                                          #kiss­
#friend                                                         ­   #sun
#war                                                     ­ #art
#freedom                                                 #smile
#sorrow                                                #em­otions
#i                                                      #s­hort
#regret                                                    #­heartache
#desire                                              #h­ome
#fire                                                #faith
#­abuse                                                            ­#forever
#reality                                                ­   #longing
#goodbye                                         #future
#new                                                #drug­s
#society                                                       ­   #free
#personal                                        #summer­
#missing                                                        ­               #blood
#story                                                    ­          #memory
#crush                                         ­          #joy
#emotion                                            #live
#t­rust                                                      #ocean
­#the                                                             ­      #song
#cold                                                      ­ #inspiration
#unrequited                                         ­           #sorry
#gone                                          ­                 #winter
#silence                                                 ­                             #space
#sky                         ­                                             #addiction
#dead                                                           ­        #distance
#tired                                                 ­           #miss
#confusion
#strength
#empty                     ­                                   etc.
#freeverse
#cry          ­                                                                 ­       #rhyme
#selfharm                                          ­             #religion
#mother                                                ­           #spirit
#scared                                                  ­            #sweet
#lovers                                       ­                         #of
#water                              ­                                    #sea
#universe               ­                                      #heartbroken
#youth                                              ­              #insanity
#humanity                                ­                                    #fall
#confused              ­                                          #heaven
#childhood     ­                                                   #hell
#thought­                                                              #bo­dy
#alcohol                                                      ­                #end
#deep                                       ­                        #prose
#drunk                                                    ­    #day
#old                                                    ­                #earth
#crazy                                    ­                        #break
#up                               ­                                         #metaphor
#flowers      ­                                                    #school
#man ­                                                              #nostalgia
#human                                                ­                   #morning
#woman                                             #****
#thinking                                                  ­    #boyfriend
#good                                             ­         #fight
#feeling                               #true
#why                                                       ­   #father
#funny                         #fantasy
#angry                                                  ­          #lover
#demons                                         ­      #together
#grief                                              #wi­sh
#mental                                                       ­              #struggle
#crying                                                ­   #random
#blue          #angel
#dance                             ­                                    #need
#wonder                                                    ­  #care
#despair                                                 ­                                #fun
#word              #and
#want                         #in
#insomnia                                                    ­       #philosophy
#spring                       #melancholy
#falling                    #us
#reflection          ­                                   #jesus
#children                #power
#waiting                  ­                        #young
#child                            ­                                                  #black
#fate   ­                                                                 ­#betrayal
#to        #boys
#real                                 ­                                                 #perfect
#hopele­ss                #bad
#scars                                    ­                                                #strong
#a       ­            #trending
#romantic                                              ­     #storm
#travel                                             #questions
#inspirational                      #women            ­                 #dying
#ex                            #recovery
#nothing         ­                                                        #evil
#tragedy                                             #suicidal
#living                                            #aut­umn
#forget               #fake                     #journey
#cutting                     #gay
#on                                            #wisdom
#vers­e                                                 #coffee
#my                          #nameless                   ­             #first
#humor                           #sonnet
#hatred                                                  ­               #work
#acceptance                             #numb
#lyrics                                                    ­   #no
#lips                                         #like
#write                                                     ­     #feel
#die                                     #secrets
#innocence                                              ­  #mystery
#healing                                              ­#girls
#escape                                        #remember
#­imagination                             #wind
#suffering                                                 ­    #one
#poets                                 #spiritual                #******
#touch                         ­               #marriage
#teen                            #forgiv­eness
#illness                            #hellopoetry107
#magic ­                                       #idk
#depressing          ­                                  #she
#emotional                ­                      #sin
#skin             #leave                   #alive
#madness                                             #mom
#growth                            #leaving
#not            ­                               #simple
#adventure                                               ­  #ghost
#cute                 #****                   #writer
#ourtwobodiesintoonepinkcasket
#money
                   ­                                             #lew
               ­         #red
#meaning                                           ­   #seasons
#mine                                                ­    #stress
                               #lie
                                                            ­       #smoke
                                    #dad
#prayer
         ­                                                                 ­    #doubt
#trees
                                               ­ #city
                            #age
                         ­                                            #flower
                             #guilt
                                                  #hearts
­                      #wrong                    #destruction
    ­                                    #high
                      #­sick                               #star
#jealousy
                                                 ­    #courage
                   #myself
                                                   #girlfriend
           #snow
                                        #letter
#drowning  ­                                                 #existence
#over
                                                ­   #moving
#violence                        #destiny                ­ #frustration
                           #insane                         #afraid
#separation                        #history
#pride       ­                                    #birds
            #clouds                                       #go
#devil                                  #ink
#never          ­                                      #soulmates
          #grace­                                           #laugh
#lesbian
                #lgbt                            ­   #forgotten
#nightmare
                #hands                     ­                          #rage
        #horror                                #stay
#done
­                        #mistakes                                ­     #harm
          #honesty                                       #control
        #different             #burn            #is         #failure
#breath                            #stupid         #growing     #breathe
                   #food                                    #politics
#comfort      ­                  #believe
#worry
                               ­             #senryu
#spokenword                                 ­                #humour
#secret      #for         #parents
#away                       #baby
#loving #voice #think
#poetfreak               #christmas
#misery              #bliss #identity
#left
#mad
#question
                            #mirro­r #promise
#movingon #emptiness
                                               #positive #motivation
#long
                                               ­       #best
#cut
                                               ­                                    #****
                                     #iloveyou
#anorexia #please
                                                         ­             #late
#cigarettes #confidence #problems
                                                       ­ #****** #what #tree
                               #bitter #shadow #understanding
#present
                                         ­              #agony
                     #men
                                        #hard #queen #purpose
#revenge #america
                                                #color #weird
                                                       #white #irony
#bed #birthday
                                                       ­      #books #angels
                            #monster #eternity
                                                      #­drinking #10words
                                     #choices #dont #angst #cancer
                       #infatuation #always #solitude
                       #couple #everything
                                                 #muse #perfection
                                #choice #shame
                              #**** #fly #imagery
                       #blind #soulmate #christian
                           #quote #rose
                                       #nightmares
                    #it #patience #quiet #inlove
#spilledink #battle
                                    #be #trapped #rejection #teenager
#artist #college #feminism #moments
#pleasure                                      #breakups­
#out
#daughter                              #ugh
#moment        ­                          #stop                 #disorder
#air             #know                  #weather
#kids                    #waves  ­              #warmth
#king                                  #gam­e
#upset            #beach               #colors
#****                      #cheating                    #­respect
#ache        #chaos            #laughter
#better         ­                       #fighting
#disappointment                 ­          #poison
      #chance                   #all                   #dreaming
#unknown                            #see
            #s­unset                          #head        #couplet
#advice     ­                          #brain
                     #original                    #okay
                       #divorce                 #gratitude
                    #run      #brokenheart      #hello­
              #kisses         #creativity
   #weak                   #science                 #experience
            #humans             #book      #eternal     #imissyou
#today              #greed
                #bestfriend ­          #sunshine
                                                    #fe­ars
                                         #regrets
                 #sensual                            #tagalog
                    ­#calm                    #social
                  #lovepoem     ­   #bird
                              #honest            #reyna

Seventeen I Was ! Much  Stupid To Be Called Sane ! Yes like every other girl I too had a dream world where I was “Marzi Ki Mallika” the very thought of being matured haunted me & being a teenager you just can’t avoid the driving crazy adrenaline rush that you get when you fantasise stuff of being in love. My fantasies resulted in prettily adorable pieces of poems and bits of stories where A Boy fell in love with A Girl. I had dated my dreams since forever & it was amazing & what justifies this statement of mine is that they never disappoint ! talking to people knowing stories making new friends and sharing memories with old one’s that was indeed perfect to me ! I always tried to describe that perfectly adorable moment of falling in love in the best possible way I could fantasise ! Not too soon I realized that moment cannot be emphasised !

THAT MOMENT IS A CAPTURED MEMORY

Turned 23 Yay ! Loads Of Birthday Presents ! Wishes ! Hearty Felicitations ! etc etc 6 years passed since then & I remained the same still much stupid to be called sane ! Maa smiles while she still wakes me up in the morning saying Kobe Boro Hobi (when will you grow up). I giggle and hug her knowing not when !! I see the beautiful stock of my soft toys which helped me remain childish when suddenly my mirror reported about how messy my hair was ! OH GAWED maaa… my instant reaction was !

I was told love happens when matured ! I herd the same but fortunately dared not to believe ! Th0 I knowingly knew that dating a girl like me a guy will have to fall in love with my messed up stuff he needs to constantly date my love for 3a.m coffee & my craziness for maggi accompanied with coke ! My idiotic obsessions with vampire & songs of Nusrat & Kishore & perhaps tolerate the constant humming of those part of songs which I loved ! Questioned my self quiet frequently about will my love accompany me while I trek through the mighty mountains will he accompany me in my best moments of life will he even accept me the way I am !?? such questions did nothing but made me fall asleep which ended up in GOOD MORNINGS with Bournvita !

Usual mornings and unusual days thereafter ! mobile rings I ran to pick up the call it was none other than my beloved going to be husband AASHIQ

Good morning ! come lets plan out something crazy  ! Adrenaline rush  What About A Trek At Ladakh ! Readily agreeing to the proposal I said yes ! We drove together as I discovered his playlist matched mine ! with each passing moment I got the answers to much awaited stupid questions ! while I was unanswerable to his lone question why I had smiled while he drove ! We got down  amidst green surroundings   he picked up a piece of sugarcane and nervously began to chew on it as he was humming one of my favourite songs, He looked at me like I was the only **** thing that’ll ever matter to him looking constantly into my eyes he blurred out ILOVEYOU&WANTTOMARRYYOU;

I always valued crazy memories but this was the craziest one perhaps ! I started laughing unwantedly pointing at his face ! His front tooth had broken! He had been trying to be a stud only to impress me he tried to peel the sugarcane with his teeth & somehow ended up loosing the bottom part of his front incisor !

I Blushed later ! My face betrayed two expressions – Amusement & Shyness !

I Fell In Love Unknowingly Without A Parachute ! much madness was added when I couldn’t resist saying ILOVEYOU

His eyes met mine with a sparkle of mischief  AKHO AKHO ME PYAR HOGAYA

Committed !  Not Confused !

Start Of A New Journey Hands In Hands We Start Our Trek ! !

It Starts
when he carves a home into your heart,
shoots a bullet between your ears
and scratches his name under your eyelids.
he controls you, he is on top,
and you are nothing but the cheap *****
and five dollar cigarettes you taste like.
and again again again he will whisper
‘i love you i love you iloveyou’
like he is promising the world.
you know he’s only promising another bruise
right on your nerves,
and another night spent anything but alone.
no matter how hard you try to
push him
out.

And Then
after a while, you lose yourself
like you did before,
when you weren’t black and blue.
you promise yourself better
while you let the bad leak out
and drink your own good in.
every time you try to let him out,
and make everything scar over,
somehow he gets back in, but deeper.
in deeper than the bullet between your eyes,
the knife between your veins,
the cracks in your mirror.
and it stings more than the
spiderweb gashes on the backs
of your
hands.

In The End
you will beg and plead and scream
‘i love you i love you iloveyou’
again and again and ‘again’.
he’ll lose his nerve like you lost your breath,
‘again please again’ like you lost your heart,
‘please god just one more time’
like you
lost
your
mind.

basilisk ****
nonparticular inexecrable exit
art ****
the lips on for breakfast
twilight zip entanglement
meticulous bending and sensual telepathy

fever-sickness
rock 'n roll boo-boos
lilting black 'n blues on the caboose
puppeteering every tasty ***** loose

chews the collar
thighs and necking room
bustling bussers it gives ifs
gets down with

daisy, dior, dkny, grapefruit(purple) to narcisso and pink sugar too

Bliss tainted madness
playing tug-o-war with
January's vacuum
Years of passing down groupies
to the most recent djs playing bad dubstep tunes
and that sickness of seeing iloveyou's abused

Do you like science? Cause I've got my ion you
we're a dance of subatomic particles, you get my cardiovascular system worked up

"Nerd," you declare with a smile sweeter than C6H12O6
I glare at you and giggle louder than 194 decibels, we break all the laws
I'm so attracted to you, scientists will have to make a 5th fundamental force

we fit together like sticky ends of DNA
I fall in love with you every time I see you, faster than my DNA replicates
being in your arms feels like homeostasis, we'll last longer than thorium

I think I'm kinda maybe trying to say
every time light reflects off of you and onto my retina the sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia I get tells me that gulp Iloveyou

he's a bright sunday morning
full of hope and faith and praise
for the one you worship right
then while he sits right next
to you, your knees almosttouching
and your hand{s} lying palm-up in
case the other feels the need to
hold it.

he's fried chicken after church
with baked beans and a side of tradition
in a sharpblacksuit that looks
dashing on his slim figure but you
don't say it because you're afraid
of yourself.

he's sitting on the porch swing
next to you while you debate the
intelligence in asking him to take a
walk through the meadow across the way.

he's a bouquet of lavender with small
sprigs of babies breath that he says
remind him of you, though you can't
imagine why. "they're different, but still
beautiful." it's almost "iloveyou", but
not quite.

he's in love, but not with you
"you're my best friend," he says, smiling.
and your fairytale falls down
around you in beautiful shards of *nonsensicalnonsense^

Let your mind fill the spaces between my spaces.
Sentences are never complete,
You know, there's always room for more.
Imagination, like constellations,
And consternation from the procrastination of trying to connect the dots.
Which is which,
Steve Jobs once said to connect the dots of your future and your past.
Perhaps they'll create a Hercules of radiance,
Or a Cerberus of darkness.
In any case, there's always room for more.
Wouldn't "I love you" be better written as "Iloveyou",
Where there is no space for mistakes?

I know I told you that I just
Wanted to be friends
But..
I want to be more than that
I want you to think of me
Like I think of you at 4 am
Smile at a simple one worded text
That makes the day go by so much better
I want you to look at me
The way you look at her
Noticing the little things I do
That I don't even notice about myself
But mostly I want you to love me
Like I love you and you love her
Look at me and smile
Kissing me at random times
I want to say I love you
And not hide in your shadow
Because I do love you
I just wanted you to know
e.j.

Sigurado na akong hindi na ako yung batang iyon.

Marupok, madaling masaktan at iyakin, pagdating sayo.
Hindi na ako yung batang gabi-gabing tumatambay sa may bintana,
kahit na pinapapak na ng lamok, nagtyatyaga paring hintayin ang tawag mo,
umaasang marinig muli ang boses mo bago matulog.

Sigurado na akong hindi na ako yung batang nasasaktan pag sinabi **** ayaw mo na,
dahil wala rin naman tayong patutunguhan,
hindi na ako yung batang halos tumalon sa tawa pag bigla ka ulit nagparamdam,
hindi na ako yung batang hinanahanp ka pag nasasaktan,
hindi na ako yung batang gustong magsumbong pag inaaway na ako ng boung mundo

yung gustong gustong magsabi na masaya ang araw ko,
yung batang malulungkot pag binabalewala mo,
hindi na ako yung batang yun.
Hindi na ako.

Yung batang nangarap na makasama ka,
na makasama kang pagmasdan ang kagandahan ng buwan sa gabi
na pinilit bilangin ang mga bituin kahit alam nating imposible.
Hindi na ako yung batang tinatangay ng bawat pagkanta,
yung batang tatalon basta sabihin mo,
hindi narin ako yung batang gusto paggising ikaw ang katabi,

yung batang simpleng lambing mo lang abot tenga na yung mga ngiti.
Hindi na rin ako yung batang palaging hinihintay ang pagsasabi mo ng ‘iloveyou’,
kasi sa salitang iyon nakokompleto na ako
Hindi na ako yung batang puro pangalan mo lang ang bukambibig o ang libangan ay isipin at panaginipan ka gabi gabi,
hindi na ako yung batang nababasa lang ang pangalan mo napapangiti na ako.
Hindi na ako yung batang saiyo lang umikot ang mundo,
ang batang sinubukang maging kung sino ang pinapangarap mo.

Hindi na ako yung batang umasa na sana mahalin mo rin ng totoo.
Hindi na ako yung batang iyon. Hindi na po!

Lately I have been hanging your voice on my wall.
It came in ten different frames,
and I spent hours adjusting them
until they hugged the wall at the perfect angle,
their gilded bodies pressing against painted emptiness,
whitewashed space.

And when I feel nostalgia
twining around my veins like wild ivy,
I only need to reach out and –

“Hello. My name is –“
“Hello. My name –“
“Hello. (Stop.) My. (Stop.) Name. (Stop.) Is. (Stop.)”
“Hellomynameis –“
Do you remember that?
Did you know my hands shook,
that I tripped over words like I do
with miniscule cracks in the sidewalk,
that my heart stuttered
thumpthump thu thump thuuump thumpthumpthump
and how it hasn’t quite been the same ever since?

“I love you.”
“I love (rewind) – love (rewind) – I love (rewind)– love (rewind)– I love you.”
“I love –“
“Iloveyou.”
You thought you could pry me open
and tear down my walls
and then suddenly you did.
It only took three words to start a hurricane in my heart.
Did you ever notice the aftermath,
the broken homes and homeless souls?
I am still rebuilding.

I hammered this one into my soul,
can still feel the echo of your words
pounding away in my bones:
“Goodbye.”
“Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.”
“Good…(clickclickclick)… bye.”

Coffee stains on these lips you stained
Your breath I can still feel, whispering 
"I'll never leave"
But promises are feigned to be broken 
Deigned with trust, words that matter unspoken
Fate played its twist, karma hit me like I deserved this
Past loves I slaughtered, they'll be laughing now
"I hope he'll die a loner"

These lips are stained
With more than just coffee
They are stained and tainted
With the ghost of your memory.
I still recall, last fall,
When you took the words 
I love you and 
Breathed life into them
As you whispered them gently
In my ear
And stamped your name
Underneath my rib cage
I remember how sincere
You sounded,
How so willingly 
I plucked them from the air
And surrounded
Myself, in their warmth.
I'll never forget, 
The yield of regret,
That comes with not 
Building up walls
And putting up a safety net
For all of those times you
Let me slip
Between your fingers
And the pain it still lingers.
Your promises were made
Empty and broken
The lies and deception
Apparent yet unspoken.

Life's expectancy to decree what I believed 
That our love was bound by fate
If only I didn't get my coffee that day
We would never have met
And I won't be dealing with this heartache
I hear but I can't see
Blinded by your Iloveyou's 
Those 7 letters, three words will be the death of me
Clinging on to hope, hoping you'll be my last
But like the others you left, 
For the first time, leaving me broken
Helpless and leaving me wanting more
Was it even real for you at all?

I thought that maybe
I had finally found the one
But past lovers
They too, had upped and gone
And I'm left thinking
And wondering
*Is there something wrong,
With me?

the only way i can catch my sleep
is to count the reasons why iloveyou
but until now, i'm still awake
oh i forgot to remind myself
that my love for you is always
endless

1.
looks are blushes, the summer skies burning
across the curves of my cheeks;
something deep down inside stirs.

2.
'I want to get lost in the
mountains', you said, and i
immediately wanted to get lost
in your eyes.

3.
Electricity -
n.
that feeling of sudden power
coupled with the sting of vulnerability
that sets your nerves on edge
the first time he touches you.

4.
(the first time he touched me
i forgot what my hands
even felt before
they met his.
they struggled to let go)

5.
one day our eyes had
enough of waiting, our
hands got greedy for
naked flesh and we longed
for moremoremoremore.

6.
we never admitted it
not to each other, and
especially never to ourselves
but baby, you were my manna
and i, *the one who perhaps
could have.

7.
and to this day i have
not stopped longing
to wake up wrapped
around you, wrapped
in your arms,
iloveyou

lovelovelovelove
you.

for months, I’ve wondered
about the whatifs and the howlongmustIwaits—
so tired, so frustrated, so impatient was I—
but on this evening, as the snow begins to fall,
I hear you cry and I realize

that it is not always about the questions we ask amongst our discontent,
but rather,
the answers we gather as we comfort one another:

we wrap warm woolen blankets around each other’s shoulders and
               we listen for the tea kettle whisper and
                        we hold hands
                     [just holding hands]
                     and wait for the right time for the other to speak.

because sometimes, getting what we thought we’d wanted for years
[so many tears, so many tears]
pales in comparison to helping someone else we cherish get through just one day.

so rather than asking the
whenwillyourealize or the
howcouldyounotnotice and the
whenwillyouwakeupandsee—
let us instead ask the
whatdoyouneeds, the
howcanIhelps, and offer the
{Iloveyou,nowwhat?}s

when you cry on the line—
the one we listen to, and the one we’ve both walked upon
(but never crossed)—
know that, yes, I’ve loved you for some time,
but I’m making the decision to be what it is you need
(whistle, whistle, whistle)
rather than begging silently for what I would like.

so sit down on that old porch swing, and stay awhile,
and wait for me to grab the hot water off the stove.

1010.
I wonder what that means in binary.
Iloveyou.
thankyou.
yourpoetrysucks.
picklesonthemoon.
re­frigerator.

The night ended with Samson
(and Regina).

Sometimes my dreams smell like patchouli.
or car wrecks, or airports.
Exhaust fume, gasoline;
only when I'm dreaming of you, though.

I hit 1000.
2+ times,
but I hit it running and sputtering,
left it on the ground to come back to tomorrow.
Sorry,
I was just so exciting about having a thou,
in the sand.
Have people really come back to me, and kept scanning their eyes
over my pages?
Weird.

I like you better when you have a beard.

Lost
In seas of
age and
self-doubt

As I watch newcomers
Drink to a new year of
Love
Work
Play
Knowing tonight will be one not
remembered by morning

As I watch middle-aged couples drunkenly
spill over
Each
Other
Slur words like
"Iloveyou"
Slop kisses onto
*******
Cheeks
Lips
Not knowing which is which but knowing
that lips belong on such places  

As I watch old folks taking their toast of
champagne
Bundled up to face the cold on brittle
bones
Thinking quietly to themselves if this
New
Year
Will be their
Last

As my head ***** with itself slowly
Tortures
With wishes of being those who I observe
Tricking
Myself
That satisfaction lies in the
Future

This
Year
Will be another one
Closer
To satisfaction.

hello, sweetheart in the lightbluejeans, what’re you thinking of
whatever happened to gumdrops and thankyou notes and long skirts that say
‘I am a forward thinking woman’

how your eyebrows in self-photograph are the spitting image of your grandma’s
and how she never had a funeral and neither
did
you,
but you’re
****-sure not living anymore, not since the world-bruise and the ankle-bruise
and your protruding soul-bruise (your soul is in your hip bones; it bangs on the doorframe
when you walk into the kitchen every time)

you don’t remember the year but there was one
when you knew it all would be beautiful
for you
how could it not

back up to that long-gone January. that evening in your best friend’s car
when you choked on the phone that it physically hurt to listen to the sharp voices
no matter what, but especially when you knew what you knew and you *******
knew what you knew and you couldn’t
forget
not that January

not that May, when you told him you’d decided to be better
not that December, when you told somebody else
not ever—you were better but you wouldn’t forget
not ever

you set your course on what you didn’t know—what you didn’t know
would never, never hurt you, and

your best friend said go. he said do what you love he said
no one loved like you and you had
a smile and a way with words and the world deserved you and your
big, big love
you were full of love
you were love

and then he left—your big love wasn’t the kind he needed and you survived,
but a little less wholeheartedly because you were missing a little bit of it
and you saw that sharing the whole thing was
what everyone said it was
after all

you were a little smaller the next time when
somebody else told you what you were—beautiful and big and
worthwhile—so many times that you said what the hell and you
kissed him
and he took that kiss and turned it into red
red
red wine
and you had no heart to tell him you preferred white; he had you already
you had him already
and no one would go un-
bloodied

and what do you love? your best friend that day
assumed you had an answer—so did you
but what the hell was it,
you ask through the *****-fog
what do you love?
do you?

and now
what’re you thinking of, honey
how the next one and the next and the sunglasses future
is cracking summer ice, not stone, and you’ll
kiss but not say
iloveyou
it will be misty and gray for you
you’ll plan on only what you know in sweatshirts and quilts
and you’ll shut the shades

and even this January
not forget

not since the world-bruise
and your own

Though the days are now bygone
When we used to blabber on and on
When I used to sit in my balcony
And think about committing this felony
To be in love with this nightingale
So sweet was the voice of this female

And it went on and on
Until we lost control of our own
When the expectations rose to such a height
That we started to talk until midnight

I hardly used to hear her words
As I was lost in her chords
Because I have never saw a person so cloying
That to get her, I would keep myself ploying

Now I know, what was my fault
To bring on her and myself, such an assault
If I had the option, to do it all again
I still wonder, would I like to keep it sustain?

What I miss now most, is your gn and bye
And with equal amount, your hello and hi
Do you know, what I like to do in my freetime?
Is to think of all the things I would say to you, incase you had been mine

I know that, I have not been such a good a friend    
But I never expected things to come to such an end
I tried my best to let our relationship extend
But life had to take, some another bend

I no longer enjoy these winds and rain
Because you have left me insane
Pondering about, what you would be doing over there
But I do not call, thinking, who am I to interfere?

Was this just the play of time?
That you left me, suffering in this famine
And now you have become so distant
That to call me, you have become so reluctant?

You dont know, how I miss you now
As all I feel now, is this death so slow
Let me tell you, as we draw to this end so nigh
That your iloveyou to me , was so big a sigh
That you became, the ******* of my high.

Few lines Inspired by lyrics from Ludo & Imogen Heap.

What’s this?
You don’t understand?
Let me explain; let me fuel your mind…
Let the memories you so quickly shut out turn on the lights.
And as you sleep with soundless dreams
Do not underestimate me!
I will push and shove until I sink through your skin…. grinding against your bones until our marrows mix.
As you can see, I was not ready to let go.
You didn’t notice?
Yet you couldn’t wait to slip through the cracks of us.
I was so wrapped up in you, oh so much tighter than your drugs ever were and ever will be.
Trying to show you how much higher I could take you.
You always liked taking chances, take a chance on me!
No?
I guess second best is always okay.
I guess all my dreams that now sit at the bottom of that stupid tide pool, are there for an eternity of resting.
While the shattered pieces of us cut me with every “could have been”.

Have I hit the brain yet? How about the memories? CAN YOU HEAR ME?
It’s been a few minutes, it’s a miracle how you haven’t, with your hideous curse of soundless dreams and silent sleeps. Does it worry you, that late at night, when I get lonely I sink into your dreams?
LISTEN!
You’re always so perfect when you sleep.
Please, let me soak a little deeper in.
We all have something that digs at us, let me dig at you!
Just let me dig too deep and HAVE to stay in this memory.
THIS ONE. I found it!
You promised to never forget this moment.
It’s dusty…
You buried it.
You hid it, and me, beneath electric clouds and a wasteland of pain.
How could you?
How dare you?
Am I disturbing your slumber?
I’m twisting the very wires of your brainwork.
I will make you remember if I have to.
Don’t tempt me.
****.
My new, significant other, has woken up in the bed beside my body.
I should get back.
Just know I’d rather swim in your worst nightmares then bathe in my most pleasant dreams… just to swim with you.
ILoveYou.

I could sit here with you
                                                forever.
Sta­ring into the sky.-
Melting into your           soul.
Not needing noise.
Modestly moving,
Embracing each-others warmth.
You owe me nothing,
Yet you offer the
                                               world.
I love you, ILoveYou,          I          LOVE          YOU!!!

             ­                     You are the roots
                                                           ­           To my tree.

the most honest i've ever been was with the boy
who lied to everybody else but me; i told him that
i didn't know why i trusted him but i didn't mind if he
never wanted to let go of my hand, that as long as he held on
i'd keep on talking, that all i wanted to be was an
astronaut so i could write first hand-accounts
of the stars, that i imagined creating a new name for myself
every time i woke up so that i wouldn't have to live with my
past, that i didn't know the difference between love and
fear or if there was even a difference at all

in return, he told me a truth that only he believed in
(you're perfect, i swear it)

from then on, i choked on every truth i tried to say, so i ran away
and that night i whispered to the dark over and over again
to convince myself i'd be ready the next time somebody dared me to say it
(i'mscared, i'mscared, i'mscared, i'msorry, iloveyou, i'mscared)

No sound is needed
To hear you declaring your love
When your fingers are writing
Poetry on my naked back

No phrase is needed
To understand that you're missing me
When I can feel your presence
In the heat of the sun and rain

No sight is needed
To see how much you care
When it's my neck and cheek
You snuggle like reading braille

Iloveyou, baby
And I'm happy that we're happy

you will never know the extent of just how fiercely i love you- even if i have not yet lost myself in the galaxies of your eyes, or let my fingers entangle in your hair, or let your taste linger on your lips, and what do i know, they ask, what do i know-

i know, i know you don't do horror, i know you are a photographer, i know you love poetry, i know, i know you are beautiful, you are radiant, you are warm as the sunlight on my skin-

i know, i know- even though your breath has never dappled my cheek the way the sunrays have, or you have never let your skin skim mine, or the way you look at me will never be the way i do-

i know, i know- even though my breathless longing leaves me only with glimpses across a hall, or my words to you edge no further than the confines of lines within a diary, or i can be right in front of you and still so, so far from your heart-

so close, yet so far, here, there, everywhere, nowhere, distant, d i s t a n t, d   i   s   t   a   n   t   -

i am leaving. farewell, farewell-

i know i will come back, i know i will come back, iknowiwillcomeback, they all come back, theyallcomeback iwillcomeback-  

but it will never be the same. and one day, they stop, and they say i will, too-

the hallways will no longer echo with your footsteps (only in my heart), i will search in vain for your silhouette (trick of the eye), over, over, over-

i know where i stand in your world, but is it so wrong to hope, to dream, to want-

the last words fall from my lips; sowrongsoright; i love you, iloveyou, goodbye.

That first kiss you've given
Soft, warm, touch of heaven
You're hand touches my hair
Daydreaming i know its in the air

How my longing heart yearns
For that love i craved but burns...

That last night i've spent with you
I remember how you said "iloveyou"
Those comforting lies i believe in
Crossing from my ear beneath my heart that is bleeding...

You kissed my lips and i made my brows frown
You kissed my neck knowing it will turn me down

I kissed you back with full of love
My eyes cries just how my heart cracks
How i feel you're no longer the man i love
But i still let my self be dumb and numb...

The warmth of my love reaches you no more
That cold heart of yours embraces the room with down humor...

How could it be that fast?
The love that i thought will never last
Soothing lies that i heard from you
In my crooked road you came with i do....

I wanted to ask were you even real?
Cause you left like nothing is there to feel....