So easily your secrets slipped through you perfectly crooked smile
And as I sat there in silence, I overanalyzed your body language that seemed to be so endless
From yells that ate through me like a rabid dog with an afternoon delight,
To tears that that cut me open like my morning razor bite.
I was so careful not to frighten you, never wanting you to hesitate with a comment or explanation.
And like a slowly, built up, disastrous tornado you unfolded with a power too strong for me to ever grasp.
You will never understand silly boy, that you and I are just part of a cycle.
We are pieces of the puzzle that just haven’t been attempted to fit together,
Well…
We have
But I just don’t seem to have smooth enough edges.
It’s these dam walls that live in my head, they have come out to play
and surround me every single day.
You don’t see these walls, no, you’ve dug under them.
You’re like an insect now, in my skin.
Never able to get rid of…
And always reminding me I’m never alone.
But,
You will be her butterfly.
Gliding through her life so naturally.
Never having to dig, or poke, or pinch.
Loving her will be so natural.
And as for me,
My insect you will forever be.

Take something as simple as grains of sand,
Look at it if you can,
Picture it if you must,
Now, understand that your life IS revolving around these insignificant, ugly,
Things.
Lemme ask you something
Is it beautiful to you?
Because when everything’s beautiful
Everything means something.
It’s quite the opposite for me.
What’s whirling around me is not for the faint of heart.
You may think you’re prepared but you honestly
Aren’t.
Under this pale, freckled covered skin and heavy, hair matched, eyes is a dull dying soul.
Living with a severed heart. What was once carefully mended from the past broken road.
So…
I see you’ve made a fool of me, yet again.
Does my sheltered being tickle your funny bone?
Give you that…ya know
Painful laughter. As if inside you is screaming
“How could I be hurting the one I claimed to have loved?!” I was your happy, I was your crazy, I was your
Beautiful.
You had your lame, unacceptable, pathetic, coldhearted, mean, conniving reasons. Don’t worry I understand. But I am no longer the little girl from your memories, so stop living in them…it intervenes from the
Now.

And now, thing’s aren’t so beautiful.

Few lines Inspired by lyrics from Ludo & Imogen Heap.

What’s this?
You don’t understand?
Let me explain; let me fuel your mind…
Let the memories you so quickly shut out turn on the lights.
And as you sleep with soundless dreams
Do not underestimate me!
I will push and shove until I sink through your skin…. grinding against your bones until our marrows mix.
As you can see, I was not ready to let go.
You didn’t notice?
Yet you couldn’t wait to slip through the cracks of us.
I was so wrapped up in you, oh so much tighter than your drugs ever were and ever will be.
Trying to show you how much higher I could take you.
You always liked taking chances, take a chance on me!
No?
I guess second best is always okay.
I guess all my dreams that now sit at the bottom of that stupid tide pool, are there for an eternity of resting.
While the shattered pieces of us cut me with every “could have been”.

Have I hit the brain yet? How about the memories? CAN YOU HEAR ME?
It’s been a few minutes, it’s a miracle how you haven’t, with your hideous curse of soundless dreams and silent sleeps. Does it worry you, that late at night, when I get lonely I sink into your dreams?
LISTEN!
You’re always so perfect when you sleep.
Please, let me soak a little deeper in.
We all have something that digs at us, let me dig at you!
Just let me dig too deep and HAVE to stay in this memory.
THIS ONE. I found it!
You promised to never forget this moment.
It’s dusty…
You buried it.
You hid it, and me, beneath electric clouds and a wasteland of pain.
How could you?
How dare you?
Am I disturbing your slumber?
I’m twisting the very wires of your brainwork.
I will make you remember if I have to.
Don’t tempt me.
****.
My new, significant other, has woken up in the bed beside my body.
I should get back.
Just know I’d rather swim in your worst nightmares then bathe in my most pleasant dreams… just to swim with you.
ILoveYou.