My heart bears an unfamiliar rhythm,
Restricted, out of key, tone and voice
Silent but still heavily felt
Craving the glimpse of your presence
Absence makes the heart grow fonder and fonder and fonder
Craving a presence I cannot feel but only dream
Holding on to an idea, a wish, a memory
An ocean dehydrating inside of me for reality to occur
But still my vision of you is blurred
Because an idea seems more real than any reality

I create heightened pieces of you in my heart
Yet my mind is not fooled but can clearly see
That You are just an imagination of my desires
And in reality you are nothing more than a simple acquaintance
Not suitable for even the smallest measure of love from my soul
Yet it's not love I feel but passion
Not you but elements of you

Yet the battle between my heart and brain
Make my feelings harder to comprehend
Absence makes the heart grow fonder and fonder...

they want me to be serious, to take it seriously. To look at sunrises calmly and seize coals and watch over red-blooded, man-fueled wars about bravado, integrity, and land. To look at money, a simple representation of labor, and see what it drives other to do, to do for me.

to crush cigarettes and testicles under my boots,
to crawl through mud and barbed wire, smiling

with grit in my grimace
salt rolling, sweaty brows
twisted locks of dark hair
tobacco-brown spit, ground
and filthy, caked in mud
teeth bared like an animal
white eyeteeth crunching

Scorching earth where my feet touch down.
A cigarette put out on a tongue. No more talking.

They want me to see and that, in the dark of the night, in the light of the day, when the sun rises and sets, there is pain, always, elsewhere and everywhere. So I will not tarry or joke or be frivolous with the battered souls of others and to think, to think about applying anything I know, to run along with the vigorous social constructs they ask me to dissect and then revolutionize, because I am young, and I will sprint faster, against accusations, and only briefly.

They want me to look at the world like a runner looks at the red track,
with their toes and sinews coiled as hard as steel, a pinnacle of human
at the height of athleticism and possess the ruthlessness of a rabid dog
drool rushed into foam and mad from dehydrating, my brain swelling

with my hormone driven
red, hazy, athletic rage,
gunning my ambition
for some organization.

No.

I will fight, yes, but I will not fight for a name on a card, shield, or building.
I will fight for the sake of fighting because I am contentious and I am wrong.

I side against hero and villain, because I am the ambiguity,
that languishes, resides in no-man's land, antagonizing both.

Being disliked in purgatory is sometimes more easy than chomping at the bit,
for blood and the power of cracking a black bull whip, so I can avoid this terrible avarice and corrupting beauty that comes with working hard, especially for the greatness
                        that I did not ask
                                       to be ****** upon me, while I wished to remain enigmatic.

You know things are dire
When you study the Internet and buy an air fryer
A material abduction
That comes in a large box with no instruction

You search in vain for something to cook
Struggling on YouTube, you make that look
Of someone lost in absolution consumption
No sense of normal behaviour resumption

With social top trump psychology
We debate 'extra crisp' technology
Creating new food mashups from hell
What comes out of the sliding drawer no-one can tell

After dehydrating decent food
You may find you need to do some good
Switch off that new fire
And bin your air fryer

Eyes
I'm sorry for forcing you to endure such demanding labor
For flooding your irrigation gates with salty tides of woeful cries
For impairing your vision as loneliness takes human form and riverwalks across your irises
Please, forgive *me

Mind
I'm sorry for causing you to overthink constantly
For saturating your fields of knowledge with dangerous negative thoughts
For bullying you with these words and questioning your sanity
Please, forgive me

Heart
I'm sorry for bruising and blackening your core
For halting the flow of electric passion between your chambers and preventing your ability to attach with the strings of another
For fueling your disappointment over and over again, yet you still exhaustingly pump and beat for me
Please, forgive me

Soul
I'm sorry for draining the waters from your wells of hope
For leaving you hollow, I can hear your echoes of misery
For dehydrating you of joy and penetrating your walls with shards of dejection, I can feel you slowly dying inside of me
Please, forgive me

You
You've created a villain of despair
Who forges anger and depression upon himself
You've given me the tools to destroy my body from the inside out
Yet, my body is still running on the reserves of our recycled love
So just come to me, and tell me you're sorry
Please, I want to forgive *you

When your arms were wrapped around me, I felt more beautiful,
With every kiss upon my lips, I slowly became whole.
You completed me, and I didn't even know,
Until one day you weren't there and the flowers within my soul ceased to bloom,
And suddenly, the emptiness was all I felt when I stepped inside a room,
When fall came around, how everything began to change,
But somehow, I seemed to remain the same,
Then winter brought a chill so cold, I longed for the shelter which came from your embrace,
And your eyes that brought warmth and made my heart race,
Spring's hopeful promise to make things new, yet the newness was still tainted with memories of missing you,
Summer snuck up on me,
The sun wiped the tears from my cheeks,
Dehydrating my body, reminding me of your love for which I am so thirsty for,
The salty water greeted my toes as I stood upon the shore,
Reminding me that no tide can ever wash away the pain that rested beneath my core,
Here's to wishful thinking, but I hope that one day you'll look back and regret leaving,
And realize that I was, in fact, everything you wanted and more.

I feel like I'm the grass and You're the rain, because the only time I grow is when skies are gray
We both know this is true, that I'm brightest when I'm drenched in You and
Now the sun shines and brings the rays, and Your water dries up and the flames will blaze
I need to be soaked in You, to stay alive, or else I'll start dying at the roots, I won't survive
Could have guessed the wind was all it would take, to turn thick to thin and fog to mist and rid me of my haziness
You left too fast and all I ask is give me back my overcast, I get comfort in shade
The heat is beating down and random spots are turning brown
I'm warm on a summers day but that's never been enough to make me ok
I'm dehydrating, with each moment passing, it seems this might be everlasting
We used to have the best front yard on the street, then You left, now it's filled with sticks and leaves, and dirt
I'm weak and withered You know **** well it hurts and
The weeks will pass and the months will turn from the day you let that fire burn
In springtime I hope You'll return with a downpour that will quench my thirst

This is the first breath that I've ever cared about.
Please abandon your everlasting doubt.
We've opened up a magic portal through an alien route,
exposing you to my internally dying dehydrating drought.

I'm like a waning foreign phoenix finding fairness in its contaminated ashes.
I still get flashes of post-traumatic emotional rashes,
from an abstract haunting nightmare  that I don't care to wear
on my not-so-bare chest anymore.
Be aware that I don't always do my share,
and that I am made of skin that has been known to ware and tear.
If this is just Truth or Dare, I don't want to play anymore.
Please be fair.
Please beware.

The snow has suddenly stopped straining my spiraling somber sorrows into silent sirens sounding seasonal surreal suicidal scenes of secret sappy solitude tomorrows.

And though the weakening leaves outside are withering,
and my feeble frozen bones are quietly quivering;
my shivering insides are shyly shifting
into brand new hues of brighter blues
that are constantly turning into a lighter and mightier muse,
like the autumn leaves that heroically live beneath my yearning Red Wing shoes.

I'm on a blissful beach of elated snow,
burying my feet in what we both know;
that our doubt has been put to rest below.

you should be
dehydrating
from the
sun,

not
tears
wasted on
those
who have
ceased
to care

Coffee coffee a delacasy with a
tasty dehydrating quality
Farmers worked the feilds
where there once was a beautiful yield
Why the hell is my tongue all pasty
whatever cause that was Fuckn tasty

Chuck the paper cup, disrupt they all add up
bite your plastic shrunken lid lip
take it, grind it, its best brewed with a slow drip
this thing we speak of, it desires
the minds insatiable crazy love fires

Black or cream and with a little sugar
to some its a dream
ya sure theres water or h2o in there
but the caffine doesnt discriminate or even care
Substance abuse
people and nature swinging from a noose

Getting crusty round the edges
Like a slice of day-old bread
From the bottom of my twisted toes
To the top of my balding head

Dehydrating like a side of beef
Jerky tough to chew
Not much of me is worth the keep
With nothing hanging that is new

Eyes that once were crystal clear
Now no more than a blur
Please speak loud so I can hear
The meaning of your every word

The lines I blamed on laughter
Aren't funny anymore
Ask me what's the matter
Long ago stopped keeping score

You can take this slice of day-old bread
Remove most of the mold
But when all is done and all is said
Man, I'm getting old

I'm your paradise surrounded by a drought.
Only you are mesmerized in the sunlight,
Unfortunately for you, you are about to die.
I can't save you,
Because I am a figment of your imagination.
I am the desert in disguise.
Dehydrating you with my lies.

The things have passed
And silent hangovers
And anti-freeze cocktails

I want to keep it in
But there are too many things
Dehydrating  
And the milky sun

And we pass each other around
Like wet cigarettes
And the milky sun
Drips on us

And we say
“uneasy”
because we have no time
to think of anything better

and the silent hangovers
and the anti-freeze cocktails

and women fishing
and kings dying
daughters abandoning
sons stabbing stabbing stabbing

and it will all pass
and we only say that
because we need to fill up
the land
the hearts
the souls
the mouth
the body
the genitals
the claws

and then the cat and mouse games
and the secret meetings

lack.

I miss heaven

then I think about what its for...

then I'm watching mucus being influenced by dust,

spit celled by detritus on a dry road,

a fast dehydrating route between two towns I didn't/don't want to stop in.

I know the drunkenness of disbelief:
i) bouncing off objects;
ii) trying and failing to move a weight;
iii) reasoning to a crash test dummy;
iv) eating a small portion from an edible bowl;
v) knocking up jokes to the disdain of mutes.

I don't know what it would have been like to have never heard,
   when any words strained me into a pretending that pride could later march into the courts.

I couldn't care about tomorrow when I am as convinced as any other resistance-of-the-past,

nothing so heroic as martyr, just a bad advertisement for tough meat .

this isn't me,

of course,

I am some nothing,

narrating,

cool breezes don't remain effectual for my eternity,

but this might be a story worth acting in,

one where my laugh falls from my skull into my stomach,

one where I finally see myself die, if not because I'm an interesting character, but because I made the transition into one: somewhat plausibly.

one where the audience had left or never arrived and I was shouting so loudly I hadn't been informed.

so I cut myself off
your body

a salty craving
that lasts for two weeks

I learn that so much salt
is dehydrating

when you leave
I can taste
the caramel in the air

and smell the salt elsewhere

I diluted a part of myself
that I could no longer
retrieve until
I let myself go
in the sun dehydrating
the toxic liquid that filled me
with so much fantasy

The brown of harmattan,
Dry, windy and dehydrating,
But if there be one thing,
Peace from the silent, old noisy fan.

Sweat it out, sweat it all out of me,
leave me dehydrating on the ground,
a lump of dry skin and bones,
Vultures not even interested in me as a prize

sea of misery
fear of dark & dull
scrapes from rock
blood and blister

feel my pulse within waves
like a knife to the throat
steadily now, don't flinch

salts dehydrating
beneath the blues
lingering evergreens
im exhausted
yet im screaming

there is a piece of literature out there
waiting for me to inseminate it.
it lies in a gutter somewhere,
or in the woods,
with no concern for the present.
no concern for shelter.
it sits, lies, waits,
walks and paces and worries,
coping with my absense by touching itself into a shuddering cramped pile
breathing like a dog chased a car in the sun through the neighborhood
then overcome with the smell of the heat from another dog.
wet with its own slobber
it is pure temptation throbbing at the body and frothing from every hole.
its obsession is mindless.
drooling on its naked self,
dehydrating and dying.
so wet with want that if it were to find me it would jump into my healthy hands and slip right through their distracted hold;
******* the air until it hit the ground at my feet, then half consciously ******* my toes.
it is muttering my name into a blanket of leaves and trash and squirming with a fever so bright as to bury itself slowly into the soft dirt.
drowning in time.
giving sick births to an excrement of unformed consonants and concepts.
it becomes lines of light
enscribed in a holy vacuum
as i sit here making love to this-

it dies now,
in the very same moment
that i waste my seed uncaringly
on these nice young healthy words
only as a tool to help me sleep.

Three is a crowd
Alone is a punishment
Two is partnership
until it’s criminally unbearable
Endure...

Look at her ; she’s  in love with life
Look away ; it’s simply just embarrassing

Encouragement
Angst
Malnourishment
It’s a merry go roundabout of battery

Look at him ; he has it together
Point and laugh ; those sleeves aren’t in fashion

Picture this ;
A World Unreined Of Thirst
A lost and found resolved
But then there’s a twist ;
We beg back the worst
We pup at Murders ***** teats
We’ve retreated
Shy from salvation
Summoned back on the coaxing cluft
Of our basic breeders feelings
A soul dehydrating salivation

9
[I love the sensual
For me this
And love for the sun
Has brilliance and beauty]

The stars shine with you
See you in the day
Seize me with light
Until I become blind

Out of sight
Out in the night
The moon shines
And borrowed your light

I feel like burning
Body, dehydrating
I regret staying
Under the menace of the sun

His eyes,
They pour a drink,
Dehydrating his pain.

His lips
They sing a song
Relaxing his brain.

His nose
They smell a scent
Of a searing stain.

His ears
They hear a whistle
As he fades in front a train.

Rotten flesh decaying in cold air
Everything good and sweet weeping
Spilling from dehydrating barriers
Unable to defend against it
Feasting and rampaging and ruining
Boxed air and watery remnants
Smeared on the wall
Undesirable.
Inedible.
Done.