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"assed" poems
Everyone talks about depression as if they know it. But what they don’t know is that depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway, it’s feeling the blood dripping down your skin and having the sick thought of “Oh, look how beautiful the red is” (they always say red is my color). Depression is lying on your bed for hours on end, salt tracks lining your face like the scars on your ankles, staring at your ceiling tracing patterns in the paint and accepting death in life with this hole in your chest because death is a reward, an escape from this pain you deserve to feel. Depression is writing sick poetry on skin and publishing it with scars, cutting on ankles, not wrists because you’re scared you’ll get in trouble but you so desperately need to be seen, and never are. Depression is writing the word “alone” and seeing the word “home”, accepting the pain like a gift because you deserve it. Depression is admitting suicidal thoughts to paper and not to people, and loving the broken things, hoping to tie them together, thinking maybe things will get better, but knowing that’s just wishful thinking. Depression is hearing your mother call you monster and disgusting through the too-thin walls of your door when she thinks you can’t hear, and then telling you to your face that you have no right to cry, as if sadness is a privilege and you’re so pathetic that you don’t deserve it. Depression is shutting yourself up in your room and hearing your family laughing downstairs because you feel like you can’t be a part of them and learning at a young age to love family always but that family isn’t always love Depression is wanting to take love and your heart and break them into tiny little pieces and throw them into waves, to throw them away Depression is a foot when the shoe hasn’t been broken in yet, is you when you haven’t broken life in, is seeing happy people and thinking they all look the same, like the front covers of magazines with smiles reaching their eyes when yours can’t. Depression is wishing you could package your smiles into tiny little piles and hand them to people more deserving of them because you know you’re wasting them with half-assed lines of “I’m fine” Depression is having to view your past as if it wasn’t yours, because to accept it as reality is to accept finality of your life through suicide. Depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway and when you close the door out of fear it keeps pounding, possessive, ****** and when you open the door out of anger you shout, “I’M SCARED” to thin air but your voice comes out as a whisper.
0
Feb 25, 2014
Feb 25, 2014 at 8:34 PM UTC
I Know Depression (Slam Poem, Edited Version)
Everyone talks about depression as if they know it. But what they don’t know is that depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway, it’s feeling the blood dripping down your skin and having the sick thought of “Oh, look how beautiful the red is” (they always say red is my color). Depression is lying on your bed for hours on end, salt tracks lining your face like the scars on your ankles, staring at your ceiling tracing patterns in the paint and accepting death in life with this hole in your chest because death is a reward, an escape from this pain you deserve to feel. Depression is writing sick poetry on skin and publishing it with scars, cutting on ankles, not wrists because you’re scared you’ll get in trouble but you so desperately need to be seen, and never are. Depression is writing the word “alone” and seeing the word “home”, accepting the pain like a gift because you deserve it. Depression is admitting suicidal thoughts to paper and not to people, and loving the broken things, hoping to tie them together, thinking maybe things will get better, but knowing that’s just wishful thinking. Depression is hearing your mother call you monster and disgusting through the too-thin walls of your door when she thinks you can’t hear, and then telling you to your face that you have no right to cry, as if sadness is a privilege and you’re so pathetic that you don’t deserve it. Depression is shutting yourself up in your room and hearing your family laughing downstairs because you feel like you can’t be a part of them and learning at a young age to love family always but that family isn’t always love Depression is wanting to take love and your heart and break them into tiny little pieces and throw them into waves, to throw them away Depression is a foot when the shoe hasn’t been broken in yet, is you when you haven’t broken life in, is seeing happy people and thinking they all look the same, like the front covers of magazines with smiles reaching their eyes when yours can’t. Depression is wishing you could package your smiles into tiny little piles and hand them to people more deserving of them because you know you’re wasting them with half-assed lines of “I’m fine” Depression is having to view your past as if it wasn’t yours, because to accept it as reality is to accept finality of your life through suicide. Depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway and when you close the door out of fear it keeps pounding, possessive, ****** and when you open the door out of anger you shout, “I’M SCARED” to thin air but your voice comes out as a whisper.
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14
Falling in love with someone who is bipolar will never be easy. There will be minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months where I'm unexplainably mean, or recklessly happy.   For a period of time, I may be all over you and want to smother you in my aforementioned reckless happiness, that I will forget to ask how you're doing and if you ate anything today. I will forget that unlike me, you need to sleep for 9 hours a day and that you're not fully ready to take on the world. At some point, I will take a turn for the worst and will mope in unbelievable sorrow due to the death of my false happiness. I will cry about everything and will stop calling, and forget to remind you that I love you so much and just need some time away. My deep sadness will soon turn into unrelenting anger and I will tell you abusive things that I don't really mean. I will be confused as to why I say them, and apologize a million times and try to explain that I can't control my anger, and that I need to leave and be away from people for a while, although I know nothing will really help. You will insist that it's okay and tell me you love me. For days, weeks, or months, I will do this, and you will soon think I am lying and think that I am just genuinely terrible. My constant apologies will become nothing and you will soon distance yourself and start falling out of love, but still have a glimmer of hope. After this episode, I will have a period where I feel nothing and am almost robot-like. You will feel unwanted and unloved and look at me with such sad eyes and get nothing but a shrug and a half-assed "sorry." When you finally walk away,  I will have more bad days than good days because I will regret not saying I love you more. I will hate myself for being bipolar. I will fall back into my bad habits and soon you will be a distant memory.
0
Oct 27, 2014
Oct 27, 2014 at 10:50 AM UTC
Loving Someone Who is Bipolar
Falling in love with someone who is bipolar will never be easy. There will be minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months where I'm unexplainably mean, or recklessly happy.   For a period of time, I may be all over you and want to smother you in my aforementioned reckless happiness, that I will forget to ask how you're doing and if you ate anything today. I will forget that unlike me, you need to sleep for 9 hours a day and that you're not fully ready to take on the world. At some point, I will take a turn for the worst and will mope in unbelievable sorrow due to the death of my false happiness. I will cry about everything and will stop calling, and forget to remind you that I love you so much and just need some time away. My deep sadness will soon turn into unrelenting anger and I will tell you abusive things that I don't really mean. I will be confused as to why I say them, and apologize a million times and try to explain that I can't control my anger, and that I need to leave and be away from people for a while, although I know nothing will really help. You will insist that it's okay and tell me you love me. For days, weeks, or months, I will do this, and you will soon think I am lying and think that I am just genuinely terrible. My constant apologies will become nothing and you will soon distance yourself and start falling out of love, but still have a glimmer of hope. After this episode, I will have a period where I feel nothing and am almost robot-like. You will feel unwanted and unloved and look at me with such sad eyes and get nothing but a shrug and a half-assed "sorry." When you finally walk away,  I will have more bad days than good days because I will regret not saying I love you more. I will hate myself for being bipolar. I will fall back into my bad habits and soon you will be a distant memory.
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13
I’m sick of hearing my life’s a haiku. I’m into magic, love, and other sorts of things that are typically voodoo. I’m half ***** from a half assed absent African baby boomer brat. I’m half white trash. Here’s a well formed of dried tears turned into something to sooth my canine teeth. It tastes like Moonshine. I can’t swim anymore, so I’m here drowning in a concrete pool. Always, I look for the hell in you. I sharpen my boot knife for ****** assault protection. The first swipes for the plus 200,000 in counting. The seconds for the 66 percent underreported. The lasts for me, the 29 percent victims aged 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, and 12. We have a higher rate of risking everything. For depression x3. For committing suicide x4. For post traumatic stress disorder x6. For alcohol abuse x13. For drug abuse x26. You all think I’m crazy, I’m not. I sometimes get called stupid, ugly, ***** and thot. I’m in pain, in sorrow. I can’t help it. He did it. No one can undo it. What do we do about it? I wont scream, I won't cry. I’ll ask how he’s doing with glitter and tears in the corner of my eye. And after he's done molesting me, "Want to go grab some coffee or tea?" Personally, I like the cafe down the street. They sell good brunch with amazing croissants. And after this is over, I’d ask him how it was while he turned me over.
0
Jul 31, 2014
Jul 31, 2014 at 12:11 PM UTC
//Modest Proposal
You fell asleep before I even got my bra off Giving me a B for half-assed, dreaded, and deadened effort
0
Mar 26, 2015
Mar 26, 2015 at 12:45 AM UTC
Senior Year Killed the Syllabus Week Pt. 2 (20w)
My my, what a special little snowflake. Why did you choose to be this way? You chose to be different, you chose to rebel. No binary for me! You chose the grief, the pain. You chose this abuse, bruised by the verbal ferociousness, forged by physical fallacies To be thrown out of bathrooms because doing your business in the bathroom is abysmal. You chose to be derided by decisive discrimination. You chose to be murdered by misconceptions, ***** by ridiculous requirements. You chose to be beaten, assaulted. You chose the words I weave to weaken your will. You chose the sacred sermons I spit at you. You chose to be What I find disgusting, despicable because you chose to be what you aren't, but I realize what I really regard you to be. My my, what a special little bigot. You think I chose to be this way? You think I chose the injuring, injustice, the jester, the joke the target, tortured, This pain, my poison, the prey, praying, the sinner of sins so bittersweet, So I could be "special"? Special isn't a sacrifice of physical self Nor the gunshots and gruesome grief Nor even the crass comfort of a half-assed comrade. You think I CHOSE this, and you didn't choose to spit and spew your sour speeches to disperse your disgust in discrimination to integrate your ignorance into my existence. Or did you not choose to deal the abuse by your hand yourself? My special little bigot, You live as you are. So be it, if I am so "special", the special little snowflake. Yes, we are the little snowflakes that your palm's presence melts away, And you're that burning persistence of life Blocking with your own self our slow, wistful descent, As if it were futility and not of your own will. If I am the snowflake, you are the fire.
0
May 26, 2015
May 26, 2015 at 8:42 PM UTC
Special Little Snowflake
My my, what a special little snowflake. Why did you choose to be this way? You chose to be different, you chose to rebel. No binary for me! You chose the grief, the pain. You chose this abuse, bruised by the verbal ferociousness, forged by physical fallacies To be thrown out of bathrooms because doing your business in the bathroom is abysmal. You chose to be derided by decisive discrimination. You chose to be murdered by misconceptions, ***** by ridiculous requirements. You chose to be beaten, assaulted. You chose the words I weave to weaken your will. You chose the sacred sermons I spit at you. You chose to be What I find disgusting, despicable because you chose to be what you aren't, but I realize what I really regard you to be. My my, what a special little bigot. You think I chose to be this way? You think I chose the injuring, injustice, the jester, the joke the target, tortured, This pain, my poison, the prey, praying, the sinner of sins so bittersweet, So I could be "special"? Special isn't a sacrifice of physical self Nor the gunshots and gruesome grief Nor even the crass comfort of a half-assed comrade. You think I CHOSE this, and you didn't choose to spit and spew your sour speeches to disperse your disgust in discrimination to integrate your ignorance into my existence. Or did you not choose to deal the abuse by your hand yourself? My special little bigot, You live as you are. So be it, if I am so "special", the special little snowflake. Yes, we are the little snowflakes that your palm's presence melts away, And you're that burning persistence of life Blocking with your own self our slow, wistful descent, As if it were futility and not of your own will. If I am the snowflake, you are the fire.
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49
.                             A hard-on                         doesn't  count                       as personal  gro                      wth.If  you  want                      to  hear  the  pitte                        r - patter of littl                        e feet,  I'll put s                        hoes on my cat.                        This isn't an off                        ice , it's hell wit                        h florescent lig                        hting.How do I                        set a lazer prin                        ter to stun? I m                        ajored in Libera                        l arts. Will that                        be for here or t                        o go? Too many                        freaks, not eno                        ugh circuses.  I                        have a comput                        er, a ******** a                        nd pizza delive                        ry .Why should                        I leave the hou       se? Stress is wh   en you wake up scr eaming and you re    alize you  haven't  fal *** asleep yet. I like  dogs  too .  Let's  exch   ange recipes.  And   yo u r      c r y b a b y             whiny- assed   o      pinion      is?      Al        low me to intro       duce my selves.
0
Nov 1, 2014
Nov 1, 2014 at 2:00 PM UTC
Sarcastic ****
.                             A hard-on                         doesn't  count                       as personal  gro                      wth.If  you  want                      to  hear  the  pitte                        r - patter of littl                        e feet,  I'll put s                        hoes on my cat.                        This isn't an off                        ice , it's hell wit                        h florescent lig                        hting.How do I                        set a lazer prin                        ter to stun? I m                        ajored in Libera                        l arts. Will that                        be for here or t                        o go? Too many                        freaks, not eno                        ugh circuses.  I                        have a comput                        er, a ******** a                        nd pizza delive                        ry .Why should                        I leave the hou       se? Stress is wh   en you wake up scr eaming and you re    alize you  haven't  fal *** asleep yet. I like  dogs  too .  Let's  exch   ange recipes.  And   yo u r      c r y b a b y             whiny- assed   o      pinion      is?      Al        low me to intro       duce my selves.
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32
Depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway, Blood dripping down your skin and having the sick thought of  “Oh, look how beautiful the red is” (everyone always says red is my color). Depression is writing sick poetry on skin and publishing it with scars, cutting on ankles, not wrists because you’re scared you’ll get in trouble but you so desperately need to be seen, and never are. Depression is accepting ruin in life with this hole in your chest because death is a reward, an escape from this pain you deserve to feel. It is writing the word “alone” and seeing the word “home”, accepting the torment like a gift because you’ve earned it. Depression is admitting suicidal thoughts to paper and not to people, and loving the broken things, hoping to tie them together, thinking maybe things will get better, but knowing that’s just wishful thinking because Depression is tying yourself together with the severed nerves in your heart; It is rope, it is ribbon, it is thread, it is DNA; It is hearing your mother call you monster and disgusting through the too-thin walls of your door when she thinks you can’t hear, And depression is sadness being a privilege you’re too pathetic to have. It is a hug, a freezing touch, a reminder that Depression is being birthed a lie. And it is shutting yourself behind that wooden doorway And hearing your family laugh like cackling hyenas, Eating at your self esteem like softened prey And learning at a young age to love family always but that family isn’t always love because Depression is family. It is an unfurnished home, An empty frame, A foot when the shoe hasn’t been broken in yet, you when life hasn't been broken in yet, Seeing happy people and thinking they all look the same, like the front covers of magazines with grins reaching their eyes while yours can’t, and wishing you could package your smiles into tiny little piles and hand them to people more deserving of them because you know you’re wasting them with half-assed lines of “I’m fine” Depression is having to view your past as if it wasn’t yours, because to accept it as reality is to accept finality of your life through suicide. It is the note masked inside of a poem, Envisioning pills as if they were peace, Depression is the last stanza, It is the audience, It is this microphone, It is me standing in a room full of strangers And for the first time finally feeling like I'm being heard. Depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway that keeps pounding, possessive, ****** but when you open the door out of anger and shout “I’M SCARED” to thin air, your voice comes out as a whisper. And silently, the figure replies;   “I know your favorite color.”
0
Mar 4, 2014
Mar 4, 2014 at 8:04 PM UTC
I Know Depression (Slam piece, final edit)
Depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway, Blood dripping down your skin and having the sick thought of  “Oh, look how beautiful the red is” (everyone always says red is my color). Depression is writing sick poetry on skin and publishing it with scars, cutting on ankles, not wrists because you’re scared you’ll get in trouble but you so desperately need to be seen, and never are. Depression is accepting ruin in life with this hole in your chest because death is a reward, an escape from this pain you deserve to feel. It is writing the word “alone” and seeing the word “home”, accepting the torment like a gift because you’ve earned it. Depression is admitting suicidal thoughts to paper and not to people, and loving the broken things, hoping to tie them together, thinking maybe things will get better, but knowing that’s just wishful thinking because Depression is tying yourself together with the severed nerves in your heart; It is rope, it is ribbon, it is thread, it is DNA; It is hearing your mother call you monster and disgusting through the too-thin walls of your door when she thinks you can’t hear, And depression is sadness being a privilege you’re too pathetic to have. It is a hug, a freezing touch, a reminder that Depression is being birthed a lie. And it is shutting yourself behind that wooden doorway And hearing your family laugh like cackling hyenas, Eating at your self esteem like softened prey And learning at a young age to love family always but that family isn’t always love because Depression is family. It is an unfurnished home, An empty frame, A foot when the shoe hasn’t been broken in yet, you when life hasn't been broken in yet, Seeing happy people and thinking they all look the same, like the front covers of magazines with grins reaching their eyes while yours can’t, and wishing you could package your smiles into tiny little piles and hand them to people more deserving of them because you know you’re wasting them with half-assed lines of “I’m fine” Depression is having to view your past as if it wasn’t yours, because to accept it as reality is to accept finality of your life through suicide. It is the note masked inside of a poem, Envisioning pills as if they were peace, Depression is the last stanza, It is the audience, It is this microphone, It is me standing in a room full of strangers And for the first time finally feeling like I'm being heard. Depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway that keeps pounding, possessive, ****** but when you open the door out of anger and shout “I’M SCARED” to thin air, your voice comes out as a whisper. And silently, the figure replies;   “I know your favorite color.”
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34
Everyone talks about depression as if they know it.   But what they don’t know is that depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway, it’s feeling the blood dripping down your skin and having the sick thought of “Oh, look how beautiful the red is” Depression is lying on your bed for hours on end, salt tracks lining your face like the scars on your ankles, staring at your ceiling tracing patterns in the paint and accepting death in life with this hole in your chest because death is a reward, an escape from this pain you deserve to feel. Depression is writing sick poetry on skin and publishing it with scars, cutting on ankles, not wrists because you’re scared you’ll get in trouble but you so desperately need to be seen, and never are. Depression is writing the word “alone” and seeing the word “home”, accepting the pain like a gift because you deserve it. Depression is admitting suicidal thoughts to paper and not to people, and loving the broken things, hoping to tie them together, thinking maybe things will get better, but knowing that’s just wishful thinking. Depression is hearing your mother call you monster and disgusting through the too-thin walls of your door when she thinks you can’t hear, and then telling you to your face that you have no right to cry, as if sadness is a privilege and you’re so pathetic that you don’t deserve it. Depression is shutting yourself up in your room and hearing your family laughing downstairs because you feel like you can’t be a part of them and learning at a young age to love family always but that family isn’t always love Depression is wanting to take love and your heart and break them into tiny little pieces and throw them into waves, to throw them away Depression is a foot when the shoe hasn’t been broken in yet, is when you haven’t broken life in, is seeing happy people and thinking they all look the same, like the front covers of magazines with smiles reaching their eyes when yours can’t. Depression is wishing you could package your smiles into tiny little piles and hand them to people more deserving of them because you know you’re wasting them with half-assed lines of “I’m fine.” Depression is having to view your past as if it wasn’t yours. Depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway and when you close the door out of fear it keeps pounding, possessive, ****** and when you open the door out of anger you shout, “I’M SCARED” to thin air but your voice comes out as a whisper.
0
Dec 4, 2014
Dec 4, 2014 at 11:01 PM UTC
Everybody Knows Depression
Everyone talks about depression as if they know it.   But what they don’t know is that depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway, it’s feeling the blood dripping down your skin and having the sick thought of “Oh, look how beautiful the red is” Depression is lying on your bed for hours on end, salt tracks lining your face like the scars on your ankles, staring at your ceiling tracing patterns in the paint and accepting death in life with this hole in your chest because death is a reward, an escape from this pain you deserve to feel. Depression is writing sick poetry on skin and publishing it with scars, cutting on ankles, not wrists because you’re scared you’ll get in trouble but you so desperately need to be seen, and never are. Depression is writing the word “alone” and seeing the word “home”, accepting the pain like a gift because you deserve it. Depression is admitting suicidal thoughts to paper and not to people, and loving the broken things, hoping to tie them together, thinking maybe things will get better, but knowing that’s just wishful thinking. Depression is hearing your mother call you monster and disgusting through the too-thin walls of your door when she thinks you can’t hear, and then telling you to your face that you have no right to cry, as if sadness is a privilege and you’re so pathetic that you don’t deserve it. Depression is shutting yourself up in your room and hearing your family laughing downstairs because you feel like you can’t be a part of them and learning at a young age to love family always but that family isn’t always love Depression is wanting to take love and your heart and break them into tiny little pieces and throw them into waves, to throw them away Depression is a foot when the shoe hasn’t been broken in yet, is when you haven’t broken life in, is seeing happy people and thinking they all look the same, like the front covers of magazines with smiles reaching their eyes when yours can’t. Depression is wishing you could package your smiles into tiny little piles and hand them to people more deserving of them because you know you’re wasting them with half-assed lines of “I’m fine.” Depression is having to view your past as if it wasn’t yours. Depression is a hooded figure standing just outside of a wooden doorway and when you close the door out of fear it keeps pounding, possessive, ****** and when you open the door out of anger you shout, “I’M SCARED” to thin air but your voice comes out as a whisper.
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61
It was supposed to be The dawn of a new age; A new set of dialogue On a more balanced stage With better lines for The actors to deliver. It was supposed to start in The sixties and last forever. We didn’t really know for sure What this Aquarius stuff was But it seemed to us to be A metaphysical enough cause, To change the way we acted And to shout down the rest; To face the demagogues Then put them to the test. We stopped wearing uniforms That said we went along With the hard-assed leaders. We put a lot of it in our songs. We called them what they were Greedy warmongering ****** We protested and picketed And promised so much more. We spoke out loudly on TV And in crowds in the streets That we were through will genocide And would not accept defeat. We cried out that our government Had assumed the role of villain And was murdering for no reason Not just men, but even children. But, we let it all die down; We let the government slide On investigating the truth And keeping the truth inside A carefully chosen batch of Criminals in public office. We let them go on making war And making money off us. We let them cheat and lie And re-write acceptable laws To support their bloodthirstiness And we gave up on our cause. Maybe all that protesting gave All our marching feet limps. Or maybe it’s because all along We were just a bunch of wimps.
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Dec 4, 2015
Dec 4, 2015 at 9:38 PM UTC
NEW AGERS
On the curvy shoulder of my (i want to say, girl but know that offends her) presently both of us red-eyed looking so un-real on this back-assed country road with only shoes for transporting a long way from being home smiling all the while hitting it again smoke arounds her green red eyes slitted baby, I cry, as we walk again, Are you my girl? She keeps walking.
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Sep 26, 2014
Sep 26, 2014 at 10:57 PM UTC
On the curvy
My friend and I talk about it Neighborhood got decimated this year One after another the corners of community are gone We touch the elder memories as one might touch a head in blessing as loved ones pass We linger longest over John Found dead after ten hot days by other-worldly hazmat crew flanked by cruisers with their special, yellow truck and zipper bags ...found 'im glasses folded neatly on the night stand in his jammies all tucked into bed No one thought it strange that strange young guy would die already decomposing in his head Lost among his personal effects his fleet of rusting cars and half-assed projects Deck tacked to garage his herds of “pets” Easy to pretend he wasn't really there between jail stints or some imagined threat or theft of crap haunted by the shadows of his persecutors caught in motion lights and cameras' blinding evidence of jungle-jumble and malfunctioning alarms going off in the wind Everyone's out to get his stuff We could dismiss him-- mostly sorta ...except for times he mowed his grass at night or hand-built “the lunatic tower” just for mom from scavenged scraps and hammered hours power-sawed through the housing codes and horror of the neighbors... ...Such a special spectacle... ******* crazy-- John! He was enough for one day at a time like when he flung that threatening bolder on bilco doors for percussive effect "Get off my fuckin' property!” (not using his “inside voice") “Next time, that'll be your head!! He announces his intent to not get mad, behave himself to call the cops on me instead Fake-dialing While his mother screams in dread “John is off his meds!” My phone is set to speed dial 911 ____ “How did we miss this? How did we not miss him those quiet days?” How we miss him now How quiet
0
Sep 17, 2018
Sep 17, 2018 at 4:18 PM UTC
Every Neighborhood Has One
My friend and I talk about it Neighborhood got decimated this year One after another the corners of community are gone We touch the elder memories as one might touch a head in blessing as loved ones pass We linger longest over John Found dead after ten hot days by other-worldly hazmat crew flanked by cruisers with their special, yellow truck and zipper bags ...found 'im glasses folded neatly on the night stand in his jammies all tucked into bed No one thought it strange that strange young guy would die already decomposing in his head Lost among his personal effects his fleet of rusting cars and half-assed projects Deck tacked to garage his herds of “pets” Easy to pretend he wasn't really there between jail stints or some imagined threat or theft of crap haunted by the shadows of his persecutors caught in motion lights and cameras' blinding evidence of jungle-jumble and malfunctioning alarms going off in the wind Everyone's out to get his stuff We could dismiss him-- mostly sorta ...except for times he mowed his grass at night or hand-built “the lunatic tower” just for mom from scavenged scraps and hammered hours power-sawed through the housing codes and horror of the neighbors... ...Such a special spectacle... ******* crazy-- John! He was enough for one day at a time like when he flung that threatening bolder on bilco doors for percussive effect "Get off my fuckin' property!” (not using his “inside voice") “Next time, that'll be your head!! He announces his intent to not get mad, behave himself to call the cops on me instead Fake-dialing While his mother screams in dread “John is off his meds!” My phone is set to speed dial 911 ____ “How did we miss this? How did we not miss him those quiet days?” How we miss him now How quiet
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70
I want more than a broken town with cracked windows and broken locks. I want more than these broken promises and half assed excuses. I want more than sunless mornings and moonless nights. I want to finally wake up. Wake up with you again.
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Mar 26, 2016
Mar 26, 2016 at 5:31 PM UTC
I want more than this.
Have you known the winter days? Late February falls like frigid snow Merciless undertow Of evergreen and alpenglow And grey ground pavement walking Like Grocery shopping and weak chai tea Moonlengths from all family And surrounded like strawbury temptation, Late night lamp light contemplation And drowsy-dampened mornings Grey glaze of diluted boring Spattered over every orifice Charcoal eyes, platonic kiss. Pull your bow to shoot and miss Tell me all this is is what it is And I will tell you, “okay” (but you know this isn’t what I wanted) Hide the roadsigns Blur the guidelines This is how I love you Have you known the winter days? Late February fell like fire on hell And shook me from my sleep Ashes cover snow-banked heaps of rubble I slice my wrist on the sharpened stubble Of your half-assed beard (this is how I bleed my dear) This is how I bear my soul ******* smile And dominoes Carnation cults And buried bones (This is how I build your throne) Hide the gravestones Burn the rainbows This is how I love you. And have you known the winter days? Late February fallen like Lucifer to the underworld We both knew I wasn’t altogether that typeof girl But we pretended anyways Alcoholic halo haze And foreign intervention Of somewhat insidious intention And the legitimate logistical question That defined our discourse on fear (this is how I think my dear) This is how I speak my mind All that grey Those missing roadsigns Smoke and soot and Blurry guidelines And Gravestones gone And rainbows ash (and we are never coming back) This. This is how I love you.
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Mar 4, 2015
Mar 4, 2015 at 11:43 AM UTC
Fallen-angel February
Have you known the winter days? Late February falls like frigid snow Merciless undertow Of evergreen and alpenglow And grey ground pavement walking Like Grocery shopping and weak chai tea Moonlengths from all family And surrounded like strawbury temptation, Late night lamp light contemplation And drowsy-dampened mornings Grey glaze of diluted boring Spattered over every orifice Charcoal eyes, platonic kiss. Pull your bow to shoot and miss Tell me all this is is what it is And I will tell you, “okay” (but you know this isn’t what I wanted) Hide the roadsigns Blur the guidelines This is how I love you Have you known the winter days? Late February fell like fire on hell And shook me from my sleep Ashes cover snow-banked heaps of rubble I slice my wrist on the sharpened stubble Of your half-assed beard (this is how I bleed my dear) This is how I bear my soul ******* smile And dominoes Carnation cults And buried bones (This is how I build your throne) Hide the gravestones Burn the rainbows This is how I love you. And have you known the winter days? Late February fallen like Lucifer to the underworld We both knew I wasn’t altogether that typeof girl But we pretended anyways Alcoholic halo haze And foreign intervention Of somewhat insidious intention And the legitimate logistical question That defined our discourse on fear (this is how I think my dear) This is how I speak my mind All that grey Those missing roadsigns Smoke and soot and Blurry guidelines And Gravestones gone And rainbows ash (and we are never coming back) This. This is how I love you.
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57
My Sweet Spaceman where are you now? Trying to see between those little glows that speckle the sky; similar to those no longer in your eyes? I just want to see the world in which you're lost, so take me please, I'll pay the cost; I'm sure it's less than the price I pay for the half-assed smile you gave today; I miss you babe, it's been too long, so let me save you from this wrong, because believe me when I say I'm alone in this crowded room while you run around the moon. And you said you never wanted to be an astronaut
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May 24, 2013
May 24, 2013 at 12:52 AM UTC
Astronaut
I’m not quite sure, yet everything I do appears to me as being viciously half-assed yet sincere. I write this mid-winter [I guess?] on the RTA with twenty dollars on me and I don’t want to know in the bank, with cold feet, both literally and metaphorically. The future looks decent from a distance in bar light. As I feign some resemblance of being classy and collect more sodium on my footwear, I ponder the passing of an officer who flashed a light to look at me in the dark on my way from home. It makes me glad I speak English, where there are such hard, sharp and unsympathetic undertones to phrases like, **** off”. It’s dark on the way through Cleveland. Try to stay warm.
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Apr 8, 2014
Apr 8, 2014 at 6:22 PM UTC
"There's ******* Salt on Everything."
it was suggested that there be no nexus between texas and your pal- omino - tagging the alamo, ** en el barrio, yo(u)- and your gringa  homecoming queen in tight-assed jeans -running with ms-13? -playing twister with your hipster sisters misters smith & wesson oiled up and and ready to go - new mexico? i found you in tres piedras at a place called ortega's eating huevos rancheros - shooting jose cuervo? -muthafucka mara salvatruchas in a red camaro and two bruthas on a burro with bow and arrows -stole your palomino? *-they shoot horses don't they?* riding the black el camino -on the blue mesa. r ~ 9/30/14
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Sep 30, 2014
Sep 30, 2014 at 6:08 PM UTC
black el camino on the blue mesa
There’s something about you that makes me want to write bad poetry and half-assed short stories. Something about you that makes me want to take all my unspoken words and turn them into something beautiful, something worthwhile. You make me want to be an artist like Van Gogh or Sylvia Plath; you make me want to create. Maybe it’s that blue wave that crashes down like an incoming tide on the beach— your eyes when you look at me in a certain way, in a certain light. Or maybe it’s the way that you say my name and then say all those horrible things that make me want to rip something open. Those words that rip me open. You make beautiful stanzas get stuck in my head like lyrics to a bad pop song; I can’t erase them and the only way I can think of to cope with it is to write them down like a schoolgirl with a well worn diary. I think I might as well have hypergraphia. I am an unprofessional medical doctor with a pen, paper, and Word Document suffering from a form of verbal ***** because I can’t possibly think of a way to speak my mind. I think I would make a very good mute. I wish I lacked a voice box because then I wouldn’t have to be the one that has to say all the right, comforting things at the all the right times and all the right places. Sometimes it feels as if I’m being eaten from the inside out by some sort of paratrophic organism that sits atop my frontal lobe and dictates my life and fluctuates my anxiety and I can’t even think about some things anymore because of this nervous clench I get in my gut when I let my thoughts get too jumbled. But you—you make me want to write the most heartfelt and sappy sentences and you make me want to be more than just ordinary. You make me want to be extraordinary. I guess that what I’m writing is an apology in the shape of a few stanzas and a few metaphors. And this is an “I forgive you” for that night that we spent outside your house arguing over the stupidest of things, so stupid that I can hardly remember a single word I said to you. Nothing gratifying is ever painless to obtain and I want to be a fighter like Hercules or Alexander the Great. I want to be extraordinary with you.
0
Sep 17, 2013
Sep 17, 2013 at 11:56 PM UTC
An Archetypal Editorial
There’s something about you that makes me want to write bad poetry and half-assed short stories. Something about you that makes me want to take all my unspoken words and turn them into something beautiful, something worthwhile. You make me want to be an artist like Van Gogh or Sylvia Plath; you make me want to create. Maybe it’s that blue wave that crashes down like an incoming tide on the beach— your eyes when you look at me in a certain way, in a certain light. Or maybe it’s the way that you say my name and then say all those horrible things that make me want to rip something open. Those words that rip me open. You make beautiful stanzas get stuck in my head like lyrics to a bad pop song; I can’t erase them and the only way I can think of to cope with it is to write them down like a schoolgirl with a well worn diary. I think I might as well have hypergraphia. I am an unprofessional medical doctor with a pen, paper, and Word Document suffering from a form of verbal ***** because I can’t possibly think of a way to speak my mind. I think I would make a very good mute. I wish I lacked a voice box because then I wouldn’t have to be the one that has to say all the right, comforting things at the all the right times and all the right places. Sometimes it feels as if I’m being eaten from the inside out by some sort of paratrophic organism that sits atop my frontal lobe and dictates my life and fluctuates my anxiety and I can’t even think about some things anymore because of this nervous clench I get in my gut when I let my thoughts get too jumbled. But you—you make me want to write the most heartfelt and sappy sentences and you make me want to be more than just ordinary. You make me want to be extraordinary. I guess that what I’m writing is an apology in the shape of a few stanzas and a few metaphors. And this is an “I forgive you” for that night that we spent outside your house arguing over the stupidest of things, so stupid that I can hardly remember a single word I said to you. Nothing gratifying is ever painless to obtain and I want to be a fighter like Hercules or Alexander the Great. I want to be extraordinary with you.
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you are essentially an object to me. no one dare invent words that pick and **** and litter our ears with shards of doubt, dismissive declarations. the victorious are those who cover their ears and screen their eyes from someone else's misery: bruised knuckles and a wall that wouldn't budge. but all I see is a woman crumpled on the floor, her pride posed like a crow on a branch in the open window frame, mocking her failing strength and shattered resolve; someone's fist tingles with accomplishment for putting that Thing in her place, close to her true place, on the shelf she dusts and polishes fastidiously, lest he call her out on her "half-assed attempt," no one dare invent words that limit little girls to the plastic boxes for their plastic dolls with plastic smiles. when the seed grows buds, that become flourishing leaves on a solid stem, reaching up, up, up can they see me yet? but all they want is the fruit.
0
Oct 21, 2014
Oct 21, 2014 at 2:34 PM UTC
female personification
You don't understand how I hurt You can't know the pain you caused When I even think of you My very insides boil How can you influence me so? How I view myself I look in the mirror and see The wrath of your actions I throw out a half assed smile You don't understand how I hurt Deep, hot, throbbing pain
0
Nov 1, 2012
Nov 1, 2012 at 12:41 PM UTC
Understand
she was young and had struggled all her life like a cursed devil doll with the darkest impulses pain was *** *** was pleasure and death she thought oh wow thats an ****** while her little girl friends all may berry kittens and sunshine screamed in terror at the horror films like minced mice in cleavers she thrilled to the part where little innocent katty bratty blondy got it hard and ****** with an ice pick in the belly and then stumbled around waring her surprise face blink-less trailing blood finally getting to the ice box pulling out her last ice cream on a stick and while eating it fell head first into the cooler dead she thrilled witnessing the girl poked through like butter by a guy with eyes like spider bites in a jet black motor cycle jacket and electric bolt tattoos on his face all blond duck assed jelled like filigree in wild root cream hair tonic she imagined his **** pink longish arterial a real throat gager she, helpless, sacrificial and oh so willing being murdered by a boy who loved her that way his **** a a piercing blade the very death of her her little hot pink ***** ******* a gooey cauldron of drooling tears splatter she thought how can any body want this Oh but i do *** yes please
0
Aug 18, 2016
Aug 18, 2016 at 6:32 PM UTC
Demon Lover at the Movies
What the Tide Knows —a Sestina of one night shared with our sister moon Night’s first blush leans low against the tide that licks the sand; moonlight unhooks the darker seams of our skin. The air stings sweet, crystalline breath of salt. A feral moon, she leans close—silent, luminous, wet. Her ******* dip the water; the water dips us—oh…slow pull after slow pull—silk unraveling into constellations—we are, at last, bare bare-foot, bare-hearted, bare-assed—every hush of fear laid bare; satin chill a caress, sliding up shins, over knees, exploring the secret tide. Between us, dampness trembles—a harp-chord plucked across our skin; notes of brine flare and fade in the hush of moonlit salt Desire itself echoes each pull she tightens—loosens—tightens again in the moon’s slow, intimate pull. Night after night we bend to nature’s lust—its intimate pull a deep, slow kiss—honey for dreams, our spirits once more bare on a starlit shore that forgets and remembers the faithful tide that knows each breast, each soft fold of skin until our footprints shimmer, then vanish in a tidal pool of salt while water’s slow tempo keeps time beneath our same bare-breasted, sister moon Brine prisms drip between our thighs—soft, shimmering salt as we sink into sand—breasts and breath—utterly bare; above us, the hush of waves keeps time with the tide while our sister, the ****** moon, unbuttons herself—O luminous moon, her silver hand wandering, circling, stroking her own pale skin, her gasps spilling down to embrace us oh so tight into one, shuddering, pull Dawn’s silk-white wraps moon-bruised ******* gathering the last flecks of salt that cling to lips—a hush of spent sighs riding every slow pull of breath. Ocean-wet, sunrise-warmed, we rise wholly bare beneath a sky tinted with our spent, satisfied sister moon, and wade until cries of ecstasy between waves swell, matching the tide washing footprints, sand, and shy shimmers from our glistening skin. We become as one, a shared pulse—wave after wave pressing into skin, A sousing of honey and ocean on lips—sweet with salt, as night’s last breaker swells, arches, cups—one unquenchable pull before it raptures. We bloom wide, throats singing, utterly bare of nothing but vision of her white-hot spasm, our sister moon, dragging us under—flinging us back—gasping—embraced by the heaving tide O sister moon, embrace our last slow tide, your gentle hand forever filling our dreams, forever caressing our skin
0
Sep 1, 2025
Sep 1, 2025 at 6:01 PM UTC
The Tide Knows
What the Tide Knows —a Sestina of one night shared with our sister moon Night’s first blush leans low against the tide that licks the sand; moonlight unhooks the darker seams of our skin. The air stings sweet, crystalline breath of salt. A feral moon, she leans close—silent, luminous, wet. Her ******* dip the water; the water dips us—oh…slow pull after slow pull—silk unraveling into constellations—we are, at last, bare bare-foot, bare-hearted, bare-assed—every hush of fear laid bare; satin chill a caress, sliding up shins, over knees, exploring the secret tide. Between us, dampness trembles—a harp-chord plucked across our skin; notes of brine flare and fade in the hush of moonlit salt Desire itself echoes each pull she tightens—loosens—tightens again in the moon’s slow, intimate pull. Night after night we bend to nature’s lust—its intimate pull a deep, slow kiss—honey for dreams, our spirits once more bare on a starlit shore that forgets and remembers the faithful tide that knows each breast, each soft fold of skin until our footprints shimmer, then vanish in a tidal pool of salt while water’s slow tempo keeps time beneath our same bare-breasted, sister moon Brine prisms drip between our thighs—soft, shimmering salt as we sink into sand—breasts and breath—utterly bare; above us, the hush of waves keeps time with the tide while our sister, the ****** moon, unbuttons herself—O luminous moon, her silver hand wandering, circling, stroking her own pale skin, her gasps spilling down to embrace us oh so tight into one, shuddering, pull Dawn’s silk-white wraps moon-bruised ******* gathering the last flecks of salt that cling to lips—a hush of spent sighs riding every slow pull of breath. Ocean-wet, sunrise-warmed, we rise wholly bare beneath a sky tinted with our spent, satisfied sister moon, and wade until cries of ecstasy between waves swell, matching the tide washing footprints, sand, and shy shimmers from our glistening skin. We become as one, a shared pulse—wave after wave pressing into skin, A sousing of honey and ocean on lips—sweet with salt, as night’s last breaker swells, arches, cups—one unquenchable pull before it raptures. We bloom wide, throats singing, utterly bare of nothing but vision of her white-hot spasm, our sister moon, dragging us under—flinging us back—gasping—embraced by the heaving tide O sister moon, embrace our last slow tide, your gentle hand forever filling our dreams, forever caressing our skin
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No, no, I haven’t been doing this myself, but I live in Cambodia, and 2 guys and a girl were deported recently for riding around on a motorbike in the **** in broad daylight. Actually, you see, naively or deliberately, they rode right past a police station. Now that must have been a sight for sore eyes. So the police set out in hot pursuit, rubbing their sore eyes, or whatever they rub, maybe their truncheons, eh? And when the perps were pulled over, the cops didn’t fall about with hilarity when these riders said quite calmly that they were going to pick up their laundry. Truly! They were backpackers! As if that explained it. But publicly, the cops said nope, these perps are obscene to be seen like this and they violate Khmer customs and culture. The cops even took pictures of this outrageous obscenity. Indeed. The riders' rapture of being bare assed and naked and **** free is not for Cambodia. Certainly not at this juncture. So their capture resulted in them being deported, never to show hide nor hair in the country again. Just goes to show... But you can get away with ****** here, particularly shooting union leaders or critics or protestors, or you can throw a grenade into the opposition, and **** a few right there. Those killers go free. It's probably dangerous to speak openly, but I don't think these guys read poetry. They're probably busy oiling their artillery, and even rocket launchers, as the PM threatened to use against the opposition recently. Seriously. They're on the lookout for dissenters here. Oh yes. And bare ***** Obviously. So watch you **** in Cambodia, especially if it's bare on a bike. And ssshhh! Watch out for your mouth. You need to cover your mouth up properly, too. Mike T Minehan
0
Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 5:01 AM UTC
Riding in the ****
No, no, I haven’t been doing this myself, but I live in Cambodia, and 2 guys and a girl were deported recently for riding around on a motorbike in the **** in broad daylight. Actually, you see, naively or deliberately, they rode right past a police station. Now that must have been a sight for sore eyes. So the police set out in hot pursuit, rubbing their sore eyes, or whatever they rub, maybe their truncheons, eh? And when the perps were pulled over, the cops didn’t fall about with hilarity when these riders said quite calmly that they were going to pick up their laundry. Truly! They were backpackers! As if that explained it. But publicly, the cops said nope, these perps are obscene to be seen like this and they violate Khmer customs and culture. The cops even took pictures of this outrageous obscenity. Indeed. The riders' rapture of being bare assed and naked and **** free is not for Cambodia. Certainly not at this juncture. So their capture resulted in them being deported, never to show hide nor hair in the country again. Just goes to show... But you can get away with ****** here, particularly shooting union leaders or critics or protestors, or you can throw a grenade into the opposition, and **** a few right there. Those killers go free. It's probably dangerous to speak openly, but I don't think these guys read poetry. They're probably busy oiling their artillery, and even rocket launchers, as the PM threatened to use against the opposition recently. Seriously. They're on the lookout for dissenters here. Oh yes. And bare ***** Obviously. So watch you **** in Cambodia, especially if it's bare on a bike. And ssshhh! Watch out for your mouth. You need to cover your mouth up properly, too. Mike T Minehan
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43
Sometimes it seems like I'm not sad enough About the fact that I've never seen a passenger pigeon, So I tried to write a poem about one "The bird that's lost from the skies, I wish I didn't have to see the smog behind your wings" But I couldn't conceal from myself That the effort was half-assed. And I knew that if I wrote one more line, The pigeon wouldn't really be a pigeon anymore. I know I'm wasting too much energy And pumping too much gas into the air. Even though I drive for hours I'm always Just one minute from home, Trying desperately to fall out of love with the idea of being in love. The real sadness hasn't been in love though. Not in the illusion Nor the loss thereof, But in circling around the block again and again. And in failing to write a poem About that passenger pigeon.
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Jan 7, 2014
Jan 7, 2014 at 11:24 PM UTC
Failed Poem For A Passenger Pigeon
I have half assed memories of mostly slurred words, tempting me with the curious thought: how strange is it that our biggest fears are centered largely around others. How ironic. The sober neglect this, But In whisky kissed souls these truths cling deep.
0
Dec 13, 2017
Dec 13, 2017 at 10:29 PM UTC
Drunken thoughts
I know this foreign method      made my throbbing veins its home 'cuz the familiar's not familiar      and I'm not fine           lest I'm messed up on wine.      And 9/10 of all the times I've tried to crack a smile since I lost you have turned out as half-assed lies. I wander streets, worn out, while I wonder where you are and what you're thinking about while      you drive down Henderson...           I'll try to dry out           from time to time         but fall back into bouts        internal I'm interred in        eternally--and I'll never win them.        I'll. Never. Win them. Not without...           Sorry... I meander through months while      you walk through my mind --and I'm glad if you're happy?--      but you were quite angry     with me that night I took      and torched our collection      of 5 years' shared memories           QUITE ANGRY              with me.     And the things you said were mean           but you meant them. And you were right About how wrong I was how bad I am, and how I taste like lemon lies on the tongue.      You were right.      And I'm drunk. And sad and sorry and selfish and stupid and absorbed by a salted skyline of cold, purple steel           every night. It ***** You teach kids for a living, about the age of 9. Me? I try to dry out now and then, time to time, but it's hard. And you're far. And I'd still come if I could,      but it's hard      following this heart      when it's buried      at the confluence      of the Red and Assiniboine           Rivers. Beneath The Forks... And that heart? Like the ground above it,      it's covered with ****** commercial architecture and the clothing of bureaucracy,      but ****       we had fun there. Didn't we...?
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Jan 20, 2015
Jan 20, 2015 at 1:47 PM UTC
The Forks
I know this foreign method      made my throbbing veins its home 'cuz the familiar's not familiar      and I'm not fine           lest I'm messed up on wine.      And 9/10 of all the times I've tried to crack a smile since I lost you have turned out as half-assed lies. I wander streets, worn out, while I wonder where you are and what you're thinking about while      you drive down Henderson...           I'll try to dry out           from time to time         but fall back into bouts        internal I'm interred in        eternally--and I'll never win them.        I'll. Never. Win them. Not without...           Sorry... I meander through months while      you walk through my mind --and I'm glad if you're happy?--      but you were quite angry     with me that night I took      and torched our collection      of 5 years' shared memories           QUITE ANGRY              with me.     And the things you said were mean           but you meant them. And you were right About how wrong I was how bad I am, and how I taste like lemon lies on the tongue.      You were right.      And I'm drunk. And sad and sorry and selfish and stupid and absorbed by a salted skyline of cold, purple steel           every night. It ***** You teach kids for a living, about the age of 9. Me? I try to dry out now and then, time to time, but it's hard. And you're far. And I'd still come if I could,      but it's hard      following this heart      when it's buried      at the confluence      of the Red and Assiniboine           Rivers. Beneath The Forks... And that heart? Like the ground above it,      it's covered with ****** commercial architecture and the clothing of bureaucracy,      but ****       we had fun there. Didn't we...?
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