my body is a topic that trails the mouths of a family at dinner it is the trail of saliva that leaves shortly after breaking a heated kiss always leaving a bitter taste
but when did you taste me? when did I crawl into your mouth full of cavities?
existing as I am cements chains in people's root canals a topic for discussion my life to debate trans people being the forefront it is so inconvenient and sinful and yet its the flavor on their seething lips
kissing one another trailing more saliva knowingly trading hate with ones mind and lips integrating more citizens and normalizing their behavior
I'm just trying to live my life Like any other human being I get on the bus, sit on the guys side I go through my day-to-day
I get called down to the office I'm told I have to sit on the girls side because I'm in the system as a girl I tell him I'm not a girl and the heteronormative system is ridiculous I didn't do anything wrong and sit by myself anyways
He says he will see what he can do In the hallway not long after, after school ends, going down stairs I group of kids scream near my ears I mumble to myself and they touch my head
I said stop They didn't stop I turned around And for the first time in my life I lower myself to violence And punch one in the leg
I break down I'm lucky to work with such wonderful people in theatre I just want to live my life I just want to be left and not harassed
Im told I can sit on the boys side I have to sit alone I can only sit in the front or back I have to tell the stranger next to me he can't sit there
I want to tell him why I don't want to out myself I have to give up the ounce of validation of being treated like a normal guy on the bus by the other guys, who are unafraid to get in trouble for sitting with me cause they don't know what I am or care
I wish... I wish I was born right just like he and every other guy on the bus
But if I was I would not be me.
I could not understand my own struggles Or sympathize so much with others
I could not learn and adapt the way I do now Could not have taught myself to be brave in the same way I am
I could not have the experience of having kids with my spouse the way I want to
I would not have needed to stand up for my rights or that of others
I would not have addresssed my lack of understanding and my internalized transphobia
I am stronger for who and what I am. My gestalt. For learning to come to terms with the harsh truths of what I am to the world.
If that wish came true, I would not be me. I would not be Orion.
An improv prompt from my theatre teacher/director. My group decided to do a funny skit but I wanted to answer it in a heartfelt way on my own separately.
Sorry, Ben It's definitely your fault You don't know what your talking about at all And shame those who disagree You never cited a single ******* source Never made a single descent point Just say "Biology" over and over Then deny you have caused these kids to die Sorry, Ben Your so ignorant it hurts
You say support for us is “collaborating with madness” I must really be nothing to you Someday I will wake you up The alarm clock will not come with a snooze button If you want to quiet me, you will have to throw the clock Against the wall Let it smash into a million pieces But you will always hear a faint phantom ringing in your ears It will grow louder And louder It will never truly be silenced.
You think I’m crazy A queer little copycat Let me let you in on a little secret The world moves on, with or without you I will move on, with or without you I know that it is likely to be the latter In a way, I almost want it to be Black cannot become white without first having specks of grey You are the deepest, darkest black of night I am a myriad of colors
“Have I gone mad, Alice? “I’m afraid so. You’re entirely bonkers. But let me tell you a secret. All the best people are.” I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’re all mad here. Some of us just refuse to see People hide behind their bibles Yet speak of things that aren’t even written in them Where does our God say, “Thou shalt not be transgender?” You use the book as an excuse As a shield for your bigotry You may as well spit on the cover Or light the pages ablaze with your disrespect.
written in may of 2018 for my transphobic grandparents.