She was like the forest
cold & whispering your name
by the wind
although her depths were
something that
only the bravest ones
ever dared to appreciate
she became so rainy & tempestuous
for she couldn't truly feel herself
she felt as cold as winter &
then she took her last breath
and with your name on her
flying leaves & thick branches
she ripped herself apart
then there was a river
a crimson flow
so risky to approach
yet beautifully tempting
and those who once
came by to appreciate her beauty &
her vivid deep green
were now so scared of her that
they thought she wanted to swallow 'em whole
how could ever she?
she had ripped herself apart
only to see & feel
her own depths
which once she believed
were way too shallow
for someone to enjoy being
around her
but now
how could someone ever
enjoy being around
a dead forest?
she died, but at least
with no doubt
that once
she was alive &
deep.

If you could read between the lines
you'd understand the language
of the red ones
all over my body
If you could see beyond your sight
you'd understand why
underneath my eyelids
the blues are permanent
If you could swim
and if I knew
(for sure)
that you would be
safe & sound
while diving & sinking
into the sea of my sorrow
still, I wouldn't let you drown
inside my head
because once I fell in there
and never came back.

Why do you speak my name at night?
though i can't see you, i feel you in my
cold belly
in my cold hands
in my deceased mind,
touching me with your hollow words
but why can't i see you?
how long have you been dead?
i've been dead a thousand years
where are you then?
don't be afraid
dead ones can't die
twice
speak my name
one more time
hold my hand
and drag me with you
wherever you
may be right now
because i'm sure it's quite
better than
here.

I feel surrounded by ghosts & shadows
when I think of things
that have left your mouth &
and the ones
i kept inside mine.

You're like gold
expensive and shiny
but I'd highly rather
put my hands
on sterling silver
and keep it
forever
with me
than to be tempted
to sell you
and have you
no more
in my hands.

Once I've been told I was ugly
so I looked into the mirror and asked that person in there
what was so ugly to make someone take their time
to tell me
something i should already know,
and i knew it.
No one answered anything,
so every mirror i looked, every
piece of reflective
glass,
blade,
or deep into my grandma's eyes,
i wondered:
why would a grandmother, such a lady like you
tell some 8 year old girl
with such harshness
how ugly she was?
Now i look back into those times
when all that i could see was doubts
and flaws and faults, that wasn't mine at all,
and answer myself:
that little girl had a glint in her eyes, which
no grandmothers like hers could ever have,
and she smiles for a second

"I'm not the one to blame if
she's the blind one".

It's 1:42am and
I'm looking at you
sleeping in my bed
and wondering
how would that be
If I were the one
dying in there
and you were on my shoes
watching me sleep my sadness away
for good
like in those dreams
I used to have
when both of us
were willing to give up our lives
to anyone who was willing to
try to come back
to life.

My costume for this halloween-life
is a copy of my
former selves
all engaged in one
so it will be my disguise
and life wont laugh
at me
anymore.

Happiness
only happens to
the ones with
open heart & smiles.
I'm a rock &
rocks doesn't have a heart,
neither a mouth to
fake smiles
everyday.

Haunted by
the ghost
of my own self
telling me
I don't deserve to live.

Come with me. Come. I'm waiting for you.

Life has been tough
not only for me but also for you, my love
i'm not complaining though, i know
there's a million ways we could make
it better
together
but we just don't
we just won't
because we're dead
together
and together we shall be 'till
the sun awakes once again
inside our wounds that once has been made
by the rage of an sharp sword
in my quick hands
i'm sorry, my love
i'm sorry i brought us death,
but when the sun rises again
i'll make sure the blood dripping
off the sharp blade
exists no more
so i shall paint it again
beautifully,
with both our hearts.

And there goes the woman
who dares to live
on her own way
It's not so different than I could
possibly think but
I do not know if
she's gonna stay or leave
for real
tho I already kissed her
goodbye
I've suffered because of
her &
I've suffered because I cannot
control what's inside me
that wants to touch her &
feel her everlasting warmth
but I was wrong
everyone of us has
our own way
to go &
no other soul
in this world
can state otherwise
when this very old &  wise
truth
doesn't even fit
in our bare mortal hands.

I know i'm not really myself
when i'm doing this
I'm not quite myself very often
to be honest
but I regret
every single time I wasn't there myself.
I hate this disease
i hate this disorder
and the things it makes me do
when I'm in an island
far away from myself
living in a reality
where stolen things are quite better
than my own
and the moon shines, bitter & anguished
because I stole its shine away
and put it on the star
that lingers in my stolen
rag heart.

I dreamt I looked in the mirror
I could see my backbones & I was so
happy
but a kind of sad happiness
because there's no true happiness
inside my
bare bones
but I felt alive
when I was actually
dying
and I feel like I could jump to the stars
and glow in the dark
but I couldn't barely crawl on my knees
I am so weak
Oh I'm so sorry
i can see those bones again
but now they're buried
six feet under
my skin
but they want to crawl back
with me
and I can't say no to them
I can't say no to myself
I can't say no
to these urges
in order to be able
to see what's underneath
my skin
I'm so sorry
I'm really sorry
but I can't say no
not yet.

There's this kind of sadness
that holds a grip on you &
just won't ever leave
I wish I could be more
but the more I think about it,
the less I become &
it hurts inside
because i know,
i do know
that it will never have an end
unless i bring it
to myself.

for a thalassophobic like me
drowning never sounded so good

I'll still be waiting for you in the silence
when all my souls are set on fire
only to give you space
to find home
inside of
me.

Hurt me
the way I do &
you'll be pleased to see
how lovely
it can be.

If i'm the ****** of your show
your fairty-tale
your life
your ****
allow me to
**** the assumptions
you've made of me
before you really knew me
though you never really did
but i'll do it anyway
because no matter what i've done
or what you've done
i'm the monster in this story
and when the monster comes in
no one survives.
and maybe,
not even
him.

I feel your thoughts
choking me
I don't need you here
get out of my head
get the **** out of my head
please
just leave me alone
please
leave.

I wish I could steal
your burden &
make it mine
but how can I do it
if you seem to love
to have a burden
to carry around
with you?

Once I met the moon
she used to be so reckless
but still bright & perfectly flawed
i don't know if she will ever
know about it
but i fell in love with her
in the very first moment
i lied my eyes upon
her shiny pale skin
i asked how she was doing
and she locked herself in the bathroom
i punched walls
ripped myself apart
cried
until there was no more tear
left within
and it seemed forever
until she got out
only to ask me
why i was like that
i'm so sorry, little moon
i can't be better & won't
ever
be the perfect
partner
because when you
destroy yourself
little by little
i die inside
and those dead pieces
come to haunt me at night
can't you just stop with the hurting?
i can't stand these ghosts anymore
i loved you, little moon
i still do
but i can't love the destruction
you drag yourself into
because once you're done with it
there will be none of me
left
to hold you tight
and say that you
still shine bright
like you used to.

Doctors have said that pills
would make me better
what they didn't know
is that they were all wrong
i would never get better,
not still being me.

Punching myself
'till I get
bruised up &
scarring myself
'till I get
a brand new
skin.

Why don't you
just hit
that
******* hammer
against your brain
and stop
it all
******
worse,
loser.

These scars will be there
to remind me
not that I won any battle
but that I didn't give in
in the first defeat.

I beg for your presence
though all i really desire
is your quietness
along mine
being the loudest & loneliest
souls
of all
times.

Ashes in my heart
leads to
a solved problem
which you
burned down
while I was
in love.

I’ll start eating
lullabies for all meals
so I am sure I’ll be
thin enough to
fit in your dreams
every night.

Tonight the moon reminded
me of your eyes
but the clouds has hidden its
brightness away just like your
sorrow does
all the time
and I wonder how many stars
are needed to bring it
back
and  how many of my selves
are needed too
because without your luster
my constellation doesn’t
shine too well
like it does when
you’re by my side, though
you’re not here for such
a long time
I hope there in heaven you
can shine the way
you used to by
my side.

Your poetry makes me want
to slit my throat and give you
the taste of the blood that runs
through my veins
so you know what
it feels like
to read a so easily boring book
like you.

Once i had a heart and
i played with it and
i molded it
into something that
people
just put in their
freezers
to lock 'em away
cold as ice
but how can
a heart
ever be useful again
if its insides
are frozen?

I can't touch you
when you're
far away
from me
though so near
inside
my
mind.

I don't need your smile nor your help
cause I got my own back
when you were missing
and now that you're not
any longer,
i beg you
to just please,
forget me
soon.

I'm made of mist & rain
tho i can be ice & fire  
& storms & a beautiful sunset
but most of all
i'm made of leaves
and one day
i'll fly away.

I thought i could save you
but i forgot i'm just as mortal
as you.

It rains through my eyes,
I can hear thunders in my mind,
There are flowers blossoming through my fingertips,
Now I'm sure I'm a forest-creature.

Some people are like drugs
and you can't get rid of them
as soon as you wish to
And then when you realize
you've got too much of them
you just overdose
and the doctors will never know
that the solution
forr this special od
is to break all your ribs
and pull your heart out
of its cage.

Life should come
with an
(optional)
by its side.

I look inside your eyes
we're burning
we're vanishing
away
'don't touch me please'
oh please  
just don't
ever touch me
again
like you've touched
me
once
i can't stand this pain
you see?
i can't stand this anguish
in my
heart
in my eyes
so we burn &
we vanish
just over and
over again.

I tried to put all the words out again
terrible mistake
now i'm grounded
by my own wrongs and
i can't make 'em right
not ever again.

They always comes first
everything comes first
the meds, the doctors, the hospitals
the bleeding, the bruising, the fracturing
the screaming, the despersonalization
the doping, the doping, the doping,
and then me.
why me after all this
why not me before the first medication?
i wonder
and wonder
and wonder
and i've come to a conclusion
that i'm way too ******* selfish
you've got a life &
you need to care take of it
before you try to
call me & notify me
about your
doping
and
your life
and your
pain,
but through all
of this
all i feel
is the pain of waiting
too,
don't you see?
it's me, waiting for you
here.

Once i told him i saw my
pencil case
moving by itself
as i wrote down
a poem
he said he couldnt believe
so i said: its not my problem, i do.
and he replied: actually, it is.
and oh,
i realized.
it is.

Slip the blade over my skin &
leave me alone to taste the
cold silver piece of metal
dragging me down to the
world of the doomed ones.

Does my poetry
harm you?
I'm sorry
i only mean to
slip my blades on
myself
but sometimes
i forgot they hide
inside my thoughts
as well.

I’ll make you feel the heat of my blood,
but only when I feel yours
in my tongue.

I would rather live my life
by your side
than recall the
dreadful decision I once made
when I thought it was
a nice idea
to die for you.

You're a sad soul, blue eyes
so am i
but don't drag me with you
to the pit of lies where
you live
I may have loved you
but I can't anymore.

I know
you wish my poetry
were about you
but I can't go
this far away
from my sanity.

You as the sky
and I as the sea
dreadful thinking that
only when you weep is when
you're gonna touch
me.