When I think of death I get scared
About how I'm not prepared
Because no one will be there
When I think of death I get lonely
And begin to act fairly phony
To get someone to hold me
When I think of death I get crazy
My frantic thinking becomes hazy
As I wonder what will finally slay me
There's a thousand ways to skin a cat
But zero ways to bring it back
There's a thousand ways to hear it scream
But zero ways to hear it dream

Death is so cunning
I hear death drumming
In the distance
Despite resistance
I can't dispute
It's absolute
I hear a death rattle
Like an overdose
That's oh so close
There's no way to battle

A lonely coyote contracts rabies
As a scared mother drowns her babies
Submerging them in death
Cleansing them of life
Until there's nothing left
She turns off the lights
She has taken what she was giving
She has taken from the living

I see death in my dreams
While I constantly flee
These nightmares
Don't fight fair
They use a brutal truth
Of undeniable proof
That this time I must spend
Will come to an end
And there will be time I waste
Despite my haste
So I seek out purpose and glory
Before loved ones must mourn me

Death flows
With time's infusion
Time shows
Death's illusion
That we'll be able to take anything with us
Or that anyone will miss us

I watch time sink down the drain
Until nothing remains
Time batters
Until I'm flatter
And only death stands tall
Behind my mortal wall

After all that time hope chasin'
I stumbled on a man named Mason
A man at heart but not in years
Love in my mind and in my tears
When we can't be together
For what seems like forever

Temptation when he tells me it's legal
But everybody would think I was evil
And laws become smudged
When everyone's a judge
Through the mud I trudge
On this path to nowhere and ask why
I can see happiness form in their eyes
When my walls begin to crumble
Because my Mason has disappeared

I live in the world
That makes me ashamed to feel love
And love to feel ashamed
There are asteroids floating in space
As I float dangerously in place
Before one hits my planet
I'd like to find someone that understands me completely
But the dust particles float around my cell
Sticking to my skin
Like tiny meteors constantly impacting me
I sink into the craters created
When my heart was cremated
The others were elated
When my love was traded
For a world with people I could talk with
I walk in a world with no one to walk with

Quite a draining journey
traveling through this drainage tunnel
groping my way through the disorienting darkness
arms of lifelessness reach out from the walls
constantly tugging at my shirt
it's my health that they hurt
when I try to run
they grab and stun
forcing me to buy movement
at the price of energy
they hold tokens in their hands
inscribed with the drainage brand
like the hair from the drain in my sink
or the phlegm drained from my sinuses
I wade through the **** of stomach minuses
moving through a drainage tunnel death funnel
aches develop in my feet
as well as my back
I can't handle the heat
or how the inside is black
I start walking slower and slower
as the ceiling gets lower and lower
the backbreaking pressure
makes my height lesser
so I crawl through the filth
of all this drainage I built
the hands that hold me down
are now my only company
their frustrating grabbing
now feels like a lulling caress
coaxing me to stay in this tunnel
all other voices are muddled
because of the drainage in my ear
blocking communication with fear
a wall of wax
that won't collapse
creates an axe
to cut off my head
from suffering dread
wondering when this tunnel will end
because there's no light to be found
in this tunnel I crawl down
gagged and bound
from the hands all around
grabbing at my brain
to push it down the drain.

The static havoc
In my attic
Is automatic
And so emphatic
Excruciating pain
Roosting in rain
Boosting the grain
But flooding my lane

While playing cosmic roulette
I'm charged a clockwise debt
Paid by traveling to my death
Like anthrax on Amtrak
The FBI can't track
So the decay stacks
Turning everything black

Something's amiss
In this blinding abyss
That grabs my wrist
And drains my bliss
So I seek shelter
But get peltered
Helter skelter
By the belters

Tired of lies
Afraid I'll die
I see your eyes
As a sweet surprise
Then watch paint dry
Unlike the tears I cry
From the fear inside
You'll hurt my pride

Honestly
You harvest me
Until you're part of me
Making it hard to see
Where I'll be
If you flee
From my plea
And just leave

So I continue wheeling
To my glass ceiling
In need of timely healing
I forget my frightened feeling
And turn to hope
Until you say nope
A slippery *****
With which I can't cope

I thought I was saved
Instead I feel shame
From this disgraceful game
Called you don't feel the same
Which has gotten me lost
Frozen in frost
The coldest cost
As garbage tossed

You kindly offer your friendship
Unable to kiss my friend's lips
Unable to grab my friend's hips
Unable to let myself slip
I find something profound
Traveling on ground
With you around
Safe and sound

You offer insight
Increasing my might
By seeing the light
When you are right
You help me fight
My perilous plight
By making pain slight
Removing my fright

My perception of you is traveling
On this road that is gravelly
I once desired you madly
Now others have had me
But that doesn't change when I'm lonely
I wish you would hold me
Unable to forsake the old me
I just continue traveling coldly

I am the immobile immortal
I pervade the Earth with my emptiness
People search for happiness only to find me
People gaze to the skies for love but only see my indifferent eyes
I show them futility
I show them despair
When it becomes too much people seek me to rescind their pain
But it's only rearranged
It fills the eyes of those that love with silver linings
Humans see stars die in the sky and are filled with wonder and awe
Yet here on Earth death fills hearts with misery and contempt
I inspected a graveyard to admire my work
Time had eroded the epitaphs on the tombstones
Their last beautiful words faded like their final threads of love
Except for one grave...
It read, "I Will Always Love You"
But somebody had crossed that out and wrote
Only Death is Immortal

Two gods wrestle
Their worshippers watch the quarrel
Each side thinking their god is moral
Until assorted arrangements that are floral
Are all the vehemently victimized poor hold
As loved ones experience death's portal

These gods aren't guys
That fight in the sky
But through you and I
So humans are fried
In our divine divide

Nature's calling
Sends us falling
Into a loose leaf belief
Bereaved coral reef
See we sink core deep
So we see more sleep
Knowing our side is right
We're not killing real people
If they want to have might
They should come to our steeple

Hey Mr. Screaming Rock and Roll Guy
Why is your music so violent?
Studies show that calm and tranquility are healthier
I wonder if it's because your music captures a feeling
That piece of me that feels good
When I hear a story of a kid going to school
and shooting a bunch of people
His vengeance satisfies me
Not revenge on any one man
But society itself
But that's the way kids are raised these days
Because here in America
We end the 4th of July with a big finale

I drown under the weight of what floats
Yes, what floats...
What floats through the air when you look at me
What floats through my mind when you smile
And what floats through my dreams while I sleep
You float through my life
The way Earth floats through space
And space floats through time
And time floats into the unknown
All the more excruciating considering
Earth, space, time, and the unknown are what complicate our situation so much
I try to vocalize your essence
But my words come across as saccharine
They do not touch your brilliance
Because you float against the current
So I must swim
Swim to find my way to you
So we can float together
Until then though...
I must float to keep from drowning
I must swim to keep from floating
Yet I drown to keep from swimming
You're my trumpet in the dark
I hear your horn leagues under the water
Yet when I reach out to touch you
Nothing is there...
Nothing is here...
I see disappointment and hatred floating near you
I see regret and shame floating on the horizon
So I float here...
And drown under the weight of what floats

I heard a frog ribbit
And decided to **** it
That's when I filled it
With my drill bit
And it turned into a dead prince
I regretfully winced
My hands I rinsed
And moved on

There's a mass grave in my backyard
Like an *******
I never thought it would go this far
It's a hassle
This giant hole
From acting cold
It's filled with princes and thieves alike
In this pit there is no light
No wrong or right
Only useless fights
And sleepless nights

As the bodies start stacking
My suitcase I start packing
But ambition to leave I'm lacking
So it's the wall I'm smacking
As the hole behind me gets bigger
My finger is on the trigger
Shooting at the deceased
Like they have a zombie disease
That restricts righteous release

This grave is swallowing my house
Yet I just keep wallowing around
Muting the surrounding sounds
That remind me of hell hounds
Barking from below
Regret they bestow
When they could've been golden retrievers
Instead they flung their molten cleaver
Their searing liquid knife
Causes my insipid strife
When the droplets stab holes in my skin
And then start burning me from within
Their weapon may not be solid
It doesn't matter what you call it
It hurts me all the same
So I try to forget their name

I dug my own grave
Now I must lie in it
But when everybody lies
That doesn't seem like such a big deal
When in this world it's hard to tell what's real
Especially the emotions people make me feel
When I have things they're looking to steal
So I **** them in my mind
But they take pieces of me
I'm running out of time
Which definitely isn't free
It's the main commodity
They seek to take off of me
That's why I must bitterly bury them
But my conscience continues to carry them

You grind off my fingerprints
To remove my identity
Putting your finger to my lips
The silence will better me
You're a predatory anemone
That can look ahead of me
Sensing the dread in me
Slicing me splendidly
Despite my defended pleas
You ruthlessly rend me
To bring about an ending
To that ring you were lending
So our lives will stop blending

You break my heart
Then sow it back together
You stop and start
Leading me on forever
As I fall into darkness
Only seeing your face
Is this just a dark test?
Or is this a futile race?
I move like a shark rests
When you can't be replaced

I am paralyzed
By your hazel eyes
Catching the gaze of mine
Through a maze of lies
And my ways of crime
Are infantilized
By your infanticide
Roller coaster ride
Of which I must abide
Because this lust of mine
Convinces me rust is fine
And to ignore passing time

You make me want to live
You make me want to die
I have everything to give
Instead I reluctantly fly
Through the dark clouds looming
Formed after you cut through me
With the acuteness of your beauty
And the bullets you were shooting
That I attempted to dodge
And denied their existence
I want you to live in my lodge
Yet I always meet resistance

I am in a terrifying tug-of-war
With time
There's an excessive amount of gore
And grime
While time continues to make ground
Pulling gradually until I'm down
I can only lengthen this glorious game
Yet the outcome is always the same

No matter how much I resist
I exist
Allow me to flash my existential credentials
I'm here
I'm alive
I fear
I will die

When existence is the only requirement
Everything else is a possibility
Dependent on our capabilities
And trying to wisely pick our life's priorities
That naturally give way to our inferiority

I didn't insist
To exist
With clenched fists
In this murderous mist
That slowly slits my wrists
So what do I do
In this zigzag zoo?
Hopefully spend time with you

We speak the explicit language of damage
Whether it's through anguish or famine
It only takes a little while to examine
Until we learn the language well
And eventually become fluent
To create this worldwide hell
Where the warfare is incongruent

We speak this language for many reasons
We speak this language through every season
The dialect varies from country to country
But all that really matters is who's hunting
The end result is the same
For damage done before
We inflict retributive pain
To even the damage score

Damage lowers our health
Damage increases their wealth
Damage puts us on the shelf
Until we damage ourself

The damage is done
So we must run
But at some point we turn around
Planting our feet into the ground
Becoming the damage cause
Doing what we've learned
We attribute this to our flaws
Not caring who gets burned

There is a damage sandwich
Within our damaged land's width
We're caught between being imposed on
And becoming oppressors
You're either forced to keep your clothes on
Or become an undresser
Perceptions of greater and lesser
Further complicate the scenario
We receive them through our stereo
To look down on those of other barrios
All of that damage can be parried though
If we work as a team
Better yet a species
To live in a utopian dream
Instead of our feces

You're a satellite that relays pain
Synchronizing circles in my brain
While signaling shame
To come join the game

You present a mighty mystery
That makes my sanity history
From agony that is blistering
That's what your wit serves me

The ambiguity
Is slowly ruining
My innate ingenuity
Yet I must act intuitively

You're a satellite in the air
In desperate need of repairs
I ask to see your schematics
I'm told I'm being dramatic

I float through space and time
After losing this race of lies
Along with the grace of mine
While stuck in the pace of grind

Before too long I answer wrong
A one-sided game of ping-pong
And your attitude is singsong
Not caring if something's wrong

Outside of the Earth's atmosphere
The sun is to be feared
Because it doesn't care
I experience a solar flare
Then the gamma rays poke holes in my cells
Until I'm eventually in hell
With a satellite that can't communicate
Only ruminate
On information already gathered
So there is no room for me
But until an asteroid splatter
There will be signals I see

You undersell me
And overwhelm me
Your lovely tidal wave
Cuts like a bridal blade
Your knife slices so deep
It drags on my bone
Your knife must meet sheath
For me to find home

Your blade
Is high grade
So sharply acute
It cuts all roots
I didn't realize emotions went this deep
You use your blade to slaughter sheep
If they don't survive your brain surgery
Or your engrained perjury

You're the blade
But you don't hunt vampires
I want you to stay
And light my heart's fire
Don't Wesley snipe at me
Or point your knife at me
Just hold me
So I forget the old me
Cut out what you don't like
Until I made only of light
The process is painful
But you change me
Cut from every angle
You rearrange me
You make improvements
By cutting grooves in

I'm so afraid I may disappoint you
Because I have already anointed you
My king
I wear your ring
That severs my fingers
Making me useless
When so much love lingers
But I can't prove this
There is a ****** blade at my throat
While our love precariously floats

If I saw a man casually walking down the street
I most likely wouldn’t consider his wants and needs
He probably doesn’t want to be bothered by a stranger anyway
But if he were visibly dying; bleeding, maimed, mortally wounded
I would feel inclined to help him
And he’d probably be grateful for my gesture
So when do I stop leaving him alone
And start helping him?
Where is the line between
Someone in need of help
And someone in need of privacy?

I used to think the line was physical trauma
It makes sense to try to help someone if they’re bleeding
But then I considered how painful emotional trauma can be
Then I thought everyone always needed help no matter what
But that seems like a platitude
I can’t help everyone all the time
Especially because people need to develop trust in me
In order to even want to receive my help

Maybe he’s bleeding
Because he’s believing
The end of his breathing
Will ultimately be relieving
Or maybe he’s maimed
With an attention aim
Of getting my name
Into his game

My dramatic yet pragmatic fear
Of my heart getting speared
Makes me stave off peers
Yet I crave them to be near
So which way do I steer?

This man on the street
Should I wash his feet?
Give him food to eat?
Pretend he’s a blank sheet
That can’t speak?
Is putting him on the shelf
A form of giving him help?
Or am I just worrying about myself?
Because deep down privately
I want to give him privacy
To avoid the possible piracy
His violent virus breeds

Does he want my company
Or is he actually hunting me?
I can’t tell at first glance
Giving me the worst chance
He’ll reject my cursed dance
With an arcane church stance
Or a negative mentality
Or a lack of personality
I can’t fathom the totality
Of all the possible modalities
That’ll lead to my fatality
So why should I even try?
Should I just let him die?

At one point I couldn’t find love to purchase
I thought you ended those searches
but now I’m getting nervous
thinking I might be allergic
to your nature absurdist
and I can’t swerve this
feeling I’m worthless
stripped of all purpose
boils start to burn us.

I’ve got an eczema
sense of a
relationship
rashly lips
can’t kiss
who they wish.

I can’t leave the house
or your eczema breaks out
you scream and shout
and make me doubt
if your love is devout
when you treat me like trout.

Stress boils through my skin
after you tell me I win
and leave my house of sin
leaving a gift in
an itch
given by a witch
to make me twitch.

You’re the itch that rashes
causing unnecessary scratches
leaving a width of lashes
on my skin in patches
your personality matches
the blistering ashes
of my skin that detaches.

I keep itching
I keep scratching
to be switching
from your thrashing
into comfort
to numb hurt
of dumb words
creating thunder.

A doctor gave me a prescription
to avoid your dereliction
and feral diction.
He gave me an antidote
in a plan of hope
helping me cope
with saying nope.

The rash lingers
like poison fingers
choking me
woefully
draining life
like rain at night
I pray for light
and wait inside.

I found cortisone
in the form of a home
with a man
so I’m in demand
not your empty hand
red from the brand
of all the discomfort you withstand
now that you’re itching like sand
seeing I’m no longer ******.

The Christian imagination is captured
by the idea of the rapture
where Jesus comes to save us
like he shouldn’t just shame us
because no one is blameless
for this great mess.

It’s a dangerous mentality
to say our vitality
is based on morality
the rapture is that emphatically
where Jesus is battling
the forces of the ****** darkness
who are those I deem heartless.

The rapture can be Christian revenge ****
or their way of explaining this death storm
either way it prevents our best form
which is what Jesus was sent for
but now the student is the mentor
twisting words that meant more.

War is pushed to the side
it’s viewed as a sign
we’re living in the end times
like we’re in a hopeless ******
and tentacles just went by.

Nuclear proliferation
and global warming
bring them elation
for the rapture’s forming
so if the wars get gory
and match their prophetic story
they’ll practice diminished mourning.

God loves everyone individually
so it seems silly to me
what billions before us have seen
isn’t the same fate we’re deemed
why would we be
treated differently?

We must all walk through death’s door alone
I wish I could take everyone in my home
but that mentality is ******-suicide prone
yet when the comfort of company
becomes too much for me
I say quite lovingly
the rapture is coming
to drown out war drums drumming
I say the rapture is coming
to drown out more guns gunning
I say the rapture is coming
humanity’s mental growth is stunting
I say the rapture is coming.

I can't grasp your moving picture
When you were the director
Of my life's lovely scripture
You were the connector
To a screen that dug deep
Your image makes me weep
Your image scares me to sleep
So I may dream of you
And a world for two
When in reality
You are one
And I am none
So I tell triumphant stories to myself
Like the past glories of someone else
I direct movies in my mind
My brain always on rewind
To a time I crossed a line
Painful memories to remind
I don't know what I'm doing
When your picture keeps moving

In my mind film keeps burning
In your mind film keeps turning
Life is tough without you
But that's because life is tough
And now you're just another part
Me another broken heart
I was dealt my cards
They got me this far
Then shattered to shards
Like the film of you
That hit the cutting room floor
The moment you walked out the door

I developed strife
From the memories I edited
In your life
Will I be credited?

I love someone I do not know
Yet the love continues to show
He conquers the walls of my brain
And invades my thoughts
What is this blitzkrieg rain
My mind has caught?
My first impression
Was a deep depression
As I began to notice
There was no solace
After he shot his rocket launcher
At my heart's monster
There's no way to console me
When his forces control me

My mind is under assault
He's laying siege to my vault
Synapses in my brain firing like a gun
All just to convince me he's the one
My mind is senselessly skewed
By the possibility
I hope to be of the select few
That tests his virility

My fortified castle is falling
Before my one true calling
When his inscription
On my prescription
Is a prophecy
That's mocking me
The uncertainty
Starts hurting me
So I surrender my throne
To be his queen
At least I'm not alone
And we're a team

Once I'm no longer awake
I'm put into dire straits
by my mind state
lying to make
me crying great
until I find a gate
to my one true fate.

My mind puts me in high and hung spots
with murderous guys and subplots
or both my eyes forming blood clots
the maze of my mind must get unclogged
leading me towards the one solve
retreating to what I know best
retreating to drugs
I come down off the eagle's nest
and onto the rug
where I crawl like a slug
from the high flying bugs
who want to eat my insides
and only exist in mind.

My brain gives me visions
of the **** I used to live in
making me want to give in
to the syringe's incisions
trapped on a crashing plane
I find a needle
to silence my thrashing brain
I stab the steel
screaming this isn't real
but that's just how it feels
after countless drug deals
it's all my brain reveals.

My mind gives me an option:
to face it
or to run
I can't embrace it
like it's the sun
and I'm the one
Gatling gun
spinning spun
until the chore is done
and the war is won
so I can score my dub
and get nightmare numb.

Once I find bliss sedated
the terror will have dissipated
but when I awake this is hated
bringing back the mist that faded
and all the chaos it created.

I wake up in a cold sweat
ready to face the day
I don't know how cold it gets
but I bet it's here to stay.

Deep connections are made
Labels cut them like a blade
They say I have abandonment issues
Is it so wrong to miss you?
They say I'm co-dependent
And I should be mo' repentant
But I am the moon
And you are the Earth
And our love is the sun

Unfortunately
Here in the logical place
Everything revolves around the revolver
A religion of hate
Enforced by the state
We live in a world that makes us love to feel ashamed
And ashamed to feel love

Then the name of the game
Becomes watching the shame light a flame
In the fires of passion
Our love burns
Like a matchstick
But then the fire runs out
Our love sputters from the spout
And I'm stuck cleaning your extinguished rubble
The steam rises from my heart
Like the smoke from a revolver
I never meant to involve you
In the maze of my desires
One path led to you
The other was where I retired
To contemplate my life
And those that hate me
They are the sun
And I am the Earth
Their hatred is my moon and it revolves around me constantly

Originality is overrated
We are at our most original
The moment we are born
The rest of our lives is for specificity
Not for staring in awe at something different
But building with blocks already used
Style is arranging those pieces in ways
that are pleasing to our species
Humility is gaining pieces from others
Specificity is collecting as many components as possible
In the most unique manner available
Because when I'm traveling
I have a destination in mind
And it's not just anywhere
It's a specific city

We must sift through the mud to find the diamonds we build with
The dew forms on the grass at night
It's beauty eludes us until morning
As our terrace becomes a tower
Specialties become more apparent
As our tower becomes a tomb
Glory becomes more transparent
Not wanting to be a cliche is such a cliche
Tradition is our foundation
For we're only truly free once we're given constraints

Who do we ***** these facades for anyway?
Do we want everybody to enjoy our lobby?
Or do we want one person so interested
That they climb the rungs to the top floor?
I'd prefer the latter
So I continue growing new wings on my structure
To attain specificity
Until the day someone comes along and says
"Oh my God, I **** with this **** so hard, how did you know?"
I'll respond
"I have no idea what this is or how I built it."
But I built it for you

I use numbers to grade
Your varying range
From strange to deranged
Until you're a number in my brain
And I become numb to all the pain
That's the total sum of your game

I am in heaven
When you turn it up to eleven
You give me a five
To keep me in line
You tell me I'm average
I tell you you're savage
You're no longer my hero
Once you hit zero
You fall off the scale
After you bail

There is no number
You fall under
After I hear your thunder
And I can't feel your heat
I grade you incomplete
Or maybe that's me
Thinking of what we could be

I made a beeline for the skyline
On the way I stepped on a land mine
So I was sent to the infirmary
Where I first met you
Everything you said confirming me
You told me I spoke truth

But it was a facade
To cover your flaws
They should make laws
To remove your claws
That you dig in with lies
Until your **** draws flies

You make pain linger
With a dislocated finger
Pressed against my lips
Muting me
While you aim from the hip
Shooting me

Once I was healed
Your tires peeled
Leaving me stranded
Staring at the horizon
You had expanded
To see it had a price on

I wait for you at a bus station
Called frustration
Outside people picket
My right to a ticket
Yet inside there are no busses at all
Only reasons to fall

I've given up on getting luck
I'm giving up on getting up
I start punching down on lonely crowds
And kicking them while they're down
I call them stupid ******* clowns
To give them a reciprocal frown

I saw you a year later
Driving a steel freighter
Happiness your cargo
On your way to Key Largo
While I sat marooned on an island
Comprised of hourglass sand

I felt frustration
You felt nothing
You're an invitation
To my suffering
You frustrate me
You must date me

I don't have to drive my car
To go to the online bar
So I can acquire a date
With my potential mate
But once I entered the seedy site
I experienced an unexpected plight
Everybody in the place
Had a silly dog face
It seemed like a furry paradise
I couldn't believe my feral eyes
They try to make me see through a filter
In order to purposely throw me off kilter
Covering up their eyes, nose, and cheeks
There's a smell of deception that reeks
Their lies
Draw flies
I sniff them out with my canine nose
As my willingness to be alone grows
Because everyone is a liar
Which extinguishes my fire
So I filter them from my life
In order to avoid strife
Yet I keep hopefully searching for love
Symbolized by, but not literally, a dove
I want to view the world through rose-filtered glasses
But I desperately look around only to see dogs' *****

It ***** with me
People not ******* with me
I ask strangers for friendship
They tell me to get ******

My friends and I
Hop in the car
We will share a night
We will have different ideas about

We go to the gas station
They accidentally buy the wrong cigarettes
They got lites
I wanted 100s
The fumes made a spark a bad idea anyway

We go to get fast food
I accidentally buy the wrong food
I got a quarter pounder
They wanted a double quarter pounder
Their fumes would've filled up my car anyway

Sitting in the parking lot
I'm not satisfied with this spot
But I stay here
Because of all the other cars already parked
Dictating where I must go
And then remain
In idle
Fuming

They're finished eating
As I'm finished breathing
We go to the movies
Where the art transports me into a world of relation
But the lights bring me back
To a room where all the seats had been taken
So I had to sit in the front
And the vulnerable emotions that felt so important
I seek to hide from the rest of the patrons
Who'll laugh at me for feeling something
As the fumes of film escape my nose

We go to my house
To smoke some ***
It's another parking lot
But I prefer comfort to anxiety
When the fumes obstruct my vision of the people around me
Who are trashing my home
The demolition team becomes company
They'll always be here
No matter what
The wrecking ball changes
Machinery always being improved
Enthusiasm always being renewed
New personnel I can always recruit
Yet nothing ever changes

Once I recovered myself
Once I discovered myself
I drove back to my friend's house
Thinking we'd catch up on lost time
Or maybe he'd beat the **** out of me
I remember wondering how it had come to that
I remember wondering if I deserved it
I remember wondering if anyone could save me
From a life of no mortal danger
Only the danger of mortality
And the idea of being here on Earth throughout
Where people don't **** with me
Because the people I ****
Look too ******* similar to me
Yet when I ask strangers for friendship
They tell me to get ******

You ****** her in front of me
And there's nothing I can do
You ****** her like Ted Bundy
When there's nothing I can prove
By hitting her
You're pitting her
Against us
Defenseless
She acts superficial and vapid
To better fit into society
The change is quite rapid
Now she has propriety
But in accepting this role
Her broken soul grows cold
Her hand she folds
To be given gold
Becoming manipulative and callous
This upsets the peaceful balance
She cures herself of her pain affliction
By turning it into a destructive addiction
And getting on the other side of infliction
You should be the one that is faulted
Yet you're the one that is exalted
Can't you see how this woman is on the border?
She definitely sees how you defend Rob Porter

I found my call of duty
inside your warzone
after leaving my pressurized cabin
and dropping in randomly
I started collecting money and items as fast as I could
to match the competition’s capability.

Everyone’s an enemy, everyone is hostile
I fear them and the weapons they’ll use on me
barraging me with dragon’s breath shotgun blasts
to put me down quickly
or silently sniping from far away
so I can’t defend myself.

The only way I can survive is staying in your circle
which keeps moving away from me
so I sprint through the fields and forests
making my way through already looted homes
hoping no one takes advantage of my vulnerability
racing to your circle before I suffocate.

Once I finally get to your circle I realize it’s too small to hide in
because everyone is so close together
I must engage them before they attack me
but they all lay siege to the small shack I’m trapped in
lobbing grenades and firing at me
I can’t even poke my head out.

So I stay inside
donning my gas mask
letting the circle overtake them and pick them off one by one
as I wait inside anxiously worried someone may try to join me
but eventually they’re all gone and I’m the only one left
and in that moment I have achieved victory royale.

You need to use vocals
To spread a message that is hopeful
You need to use vocals
To create a point that is focal
You need them
Like R.E.M.

A message from your heart
That goes through your brain
It can be called quality art
Once it reflects inner pain
That runs deep through your voice
And your lyrical choice

You don't need scientists with beakers
Or super loud speakers
You don't need to make a keynote speech
Or grab for things that are out of reach
You just need a lesson
Taught through confession

There are wonderful things done instrumentally
But I want to focus on someone instead of me
Because thinking through someone else's words
Seems more productive
Rather than repeating myself so nothing is stirred
Which feels somewhat reductive

If you have something to say
Speak up
If you can't find a way
Drink up
Music based on emotion instead of thought
But be careful to not get mindlessly caught
Until you're starving
From culturally carving
Out anything that is strange
Until you have a truncated range
Of empathetic understanding
That's one way of landing
On a lame existence
For plain persistence

Art will always reflect life
They share the same plight
The best way to communicate
Is not to ruminate
But to speak with your mouth
Before your mind goes south
End the depressing deflation
Through simple human relation

Your gift of pain
Becomes my drain
My rhythmic refrain
From ending this game
Please allow me to hear you
So I may no longer fear you
It doesn't matter if you're not local
I'll relate to you through your vocals

There’s a message
under the last text I sent you
that reads Read Yesterday
my heart was red yesterday
my heart you read yesterday
my heart had bled yesterday
so my heart has fled yesterday
into today
the sun’s rays
cure the dumb craze
brought on by that one phrase
that reads Read Yesterday.

I thought you were a cute
Until you began being obtuse
Forcing me to see through your ruse
But if you could stand in my shoes
You'd know what it's like to lose
The chance at your treasures
And feeling your pleasure
Because you're an endeavor
I would rather sever

You're purposefully vague
My mind perilously plagued
By what I did to deserve this
To be put on your haughty list
On the other side of your fist
I see through a ****** mist

The script of your crypt nondescript
Frustrating me until my mind is ripped
By the confusion
Of your illusion
Of passion and beauty
When you see through me
I look to other places for love
Instead of your obtuse mug

Sorry
I didn’t mean to be rude
or offensive
or to harass you
I know it’s not polite to stare
but just so you know
not everyone staring at you thinks you’re **** as ****
and if you must know
I wasn’t staring at you because you’re beautiful
I was staring because you reminded me of someone I once knew
who was **** as ****.

Travel through the viscous chaos
super Alice uber alles
nationalism and competition disappear
mad hatter brain matter
wondering where’s the next fix
loser palace user malice
building bars around bridges
syrup sanity hear no humanity
off in the foggy distance
mushroom madness Mario Mathers
losing touch with reality
Cheshire Cat **** mired map
leads through a maze with no end.

Transcendence is a lie
you’re not above it until you’re there.

Hedonism is a lie
once the costs start to add up.

Altruism is a lie
when living for others is living for the self.

There’s nowhere to turn
once it’s your turn.

Is there any way to save us from life
other than death?

I’m a small fish in a small pond
with a small wish before I’m all gone
for a small kiss and your big wand
to install bliss through magic so strong
it makes me feel I might actually belong.

To the person who's sexually attracted to children
but has never acted upon that attraction:
Thank you
it's not always easy doing the right thing
and I understand the stigmatization you face
in a society where advocating killing you is socially encouraged
for the forced productions in the privacy of your mind
usually stemming from traumatic childhood abuse
but don't let them stop you from getting help
for the misery and frustration associated with
constantly denying one's ****** urges
for the sake of others.

Nobody is born an angel or a demon
walking along we pick up horns or halos midstride
often confusing one for the other
often trading one for the other
often naming one for the other
until heavenly hellspawns
attack with horned halos.

To the person who perpetuates the stigma against those people
through edgy internet posts and comments
like it's some sort of controversial sentiment
that isolates those people until they crack
usually just so you can virtue signal militancy
so you can feel good about yourself through persecuting others:
*******.

Referees mismanage oversight
incorrect calls lower credibility
faith in justice dissolves into the ice
agency is taken into padded hands
vigilantes slash and spear.

Hip check leads to cross check leads to fist check
malignant hostility boils over
leather armor is removed
interphalangeal joints meet mandible
type O negative paints a jersey
haymakers take bizarre trajectories
to avoid helmets and visors
the face is homebase to ingrain pain.

Violence subverts gamesmanship
players must be taken off ice
to be put on ice
otherwise brawls become overabundant
and destroy the integrity of the sport
yet each transfer of agony is euphorically satisfying
—considering the context—
so fist fairs continue for the foreseeable future
we organize an impenetrable perimeter
once we've acclimated to penalty kills.

We have a conversation
talking for hours
maintained interaction
reveals personality.

We have ***
an exercise of empathy
maintained interaction
reveals vulnerability.

We have an argument
perceptions clash
maintained interaction
reveals differences.

We have a fight
fists fly strategically
maintained interaction
reveals aggression.

We have a war
priorities projected through tactics
maintained interaction
reveals love and hate.

We have a life
harmony is obscured by disconnection
maintained interaction
reveals humanity.

You're the best thing I've seen ever
I know that doesn't sound too clever
But on this emotional endeavor
My intellect you sever
Until my face gets redder
Than the scarlet letter
That always looms above
Yet doesn't effect us
Because we have love
To valiantly protect us

I fear this ethereal connection
Won't pass public inspection
I expect an ice water detection
Coming from your direction
But instead I find a warm glow
That only the Lord knows
As long as I'm dwelling
On the stories you're telling

I'm in love with your name
And the concept it contains
I'm in love with your brain
And the wisdom engrained
I'm in love with your stunning appearance
And what you say when no one can hear us
You're the lad in my trailer
You're Vlad the Impaler
Becoming more than a guest in my house
Becoming my future same *** spouse
That sits like a stanchion
In our beautiful mansion
So please abide by my abode
And inhabit my dwelling
Because you've cracked my code
Now buy what I'm selling

My nihilistic nightmares keep me awake
When our intangible connection can break
I get scary dreams
Where you are you
And I am me
And we do what we do
Until I can't see the night through
But when I finally wake up
I want to find love again
No matter how things shake up
We should always be friends

The shift has begun
I'm going into labor
I must fulfill my contractions
Before I die late
Will I produce something beneficial to the world?

It makes me sad how angry I am
it's so bad I'm god ******
the slaughter of God's lamb
by the knife in God's hand
hatred's supply and demand
is all I understand
when sexuality creates insanity
in this putrid life handed to me
with God not answering
my prayers for Him to take my eyes
instead He just took my hands
so now I can't stop staring at guys
who don't think I'm a man
and I can't fight back with no arms
so I must stand there and take harm
from people in God's garb
and wire that is barbed.

If being without love makes one numb
how come I feel every time I'm stung?
Especially now that swords are guns
and this life's rewards are none
just a scoreless run
to a finish line before a cliff
I pray there is something to lift
me away from my earthen crypt
but I've found only rage
and in that my sorrow
banging in my cage
but wanting to see tomorrow
looking for anything to follow
I can't take pills hard to swallow
so I float like the thirteenth Apollo.

Wallowing in an empty room
pouring alcohol in the wound
feeling doomed like I'll die soon
in my lonely loft
developing a covid cough
from those who scorn and scoff
and won't *******
telling me to look to God
when that's how my arms were sawed
into illegal shotguns
living this life is not fun
so everyone around me got shot some
which is just part of God's **** poor potluck
my hands must be in there somewhere
so I just keep crawling upstairs
even though it's unfair
my hands must be stolen back
from a god dressed in black
who took my palms but let me see
without knowing how to be
I just bite the hands that bleed
until I'm too full to breathe
and watch God laughing casually.

I’m not stupid
I know I’m quiet

and I’m not quiet
about how I know I’m stupid.

I come out of the oven
Joining a witch's coven
I am born
I must live
So forlorn
I must give
My heart and soul
For pieces of gold
Until I am buried
In the pieces I carry

I could tell by the smell
You were a bat out of hell
Using echolocation
To sense simple vibrations
Buried under my rib cage
You gave me hope
That I'd die of old age
And not on a rope

Good things come
Good things go
I look for the sun
Buried in snow
How have things gotten this low?
I convince myself I don't know
While I watch you disappearing
From people interfering
The pain is searing
And all I'm hearing

From the womb to the tomb
Buried in diminishing room
By the dark clouds that loom
They form a lightning storm
At first it feels warm
But then rain starts to gather
And Earth is flooded
So I'm pushed down the ladder
By the cold blooded
Until I can find no peace
Only grease
To keep moving faster
So I can be an outlaster
And laugh at the unmarked graves
Of those that made me feel shame

I was born with fire in my heart
It was a funeral pyre from the start

Trying to avoid the routes everyone else travels
I take remote side roads and superfluous detours
seeing sights unseen and grass that’s green
until gravelly roads are met by tired tires
breaking down in the middle of nowhere
with nobody around to help
I can see the freeway from here
where cars flock together
while getting to where they want to go.

I'm a mineral who thinks it's a miner
even if I can't tell coal from gold
I offer my excavated treasures to the public
only to be told they're rocks
by obsidian hearted pebbles
so I quietly return to my quarry
and get on DraftKings Sportsbook
who pays me for saying the Nuggets will win
pulling validation from the gravelly depths
and showing promising riches to be unearthed
appealing to my **** and wallet
to subvert my brain
but I can't just switch off and call it
considering what could be attained
digging deeper and deeper down
people call down from the ground
but they never cared when I was around
and I'd rather get gems for the **** in my mind
than get **** for the gems in my mind
so I continue my decline
until rock bottom is mined.

My boat
Encroached
Your moat
Crossing the line
Into your mind
Only to find
Something unkind

It's a squid
Versus a kid
Amid
Crashing waves
Lasting days
In a glassy haze

I'm free flailing
Sea snailing
Remailing
My wailing
Entailing
Bailing
Off the railing
Of the ship I'm sailing

I see an oasis of land
I yearn for the sand
To clutch in my hand
To finally feel grand
Instead of sea sick
And flea bit
In deep ****
Drowning me
Crowning me
The king of nowhere
While I scream no fair
To ears with no care
That we are no pair

Fasting on the life I'm eating
my mouth and stomach start to growl
I tell myself it's all in my head
but there's nothing in my gut
a starved stomach similar to my schedule
all my body does is work
while my brain is trapped in my ulcer
eating just enough life to survive
seeing just enough light to get by
stumbling through a buffet
but I can't see the food
everything smells gourmet
but tastes like shoes
walking down the concourse of my bowels
exiting my sphincter as my intentions
so I put myself in detention for loss prevention
abandoning desires in my stomach
to be corroded by acid
that burns my heart and exits my mouth
as gurgling noises that sound like sentences
and burps of words
but my only real sentence is self imposed
because my only real words are self contained
in the constipated vise of what's inside.

It takes a strong stomach to be this weak.

I’m a face in the crowd
With the holier than thou
Who scream so loud
That they’re proud
I look around
Then look at the ground

We disagree
Differing
On different needs
They’re an aggressive breed
Making others bleed
For what they believe
So I flee
Into solitary
Avoiding Ares

I become less brotherly
As I forget the suffering
In my submerged submarine
Where I can’t hear the thundering
Of social interaction blundering

I’m exiled in style
Haven’t seen people in a while
Which makes me smile
Skipping their trials
Walking for miles
Without the vile
Spewing their bile

I walk through peaceful pastures
Far away from our corporate masters
Dodging all the disasters
That make us die faster
I focus on the pastor
To live happily ever after

I lose my relatability
In a state of tranquility
From the holy trinity
Helping me see infinity
And start living differently
Instead of living miserably

Using ignorance for protection
I start to lose connection
To important lessons
That met my deflection
Or circumvented detection
As part of my rejection
Of society’s infection

I try to avoid negativity
But I can’t set the living free
If all my life is giving me
Reflects my selfish greed
Living under tranquil trees
Away from their hypocrisy
And false democracy
Always mocking me
From afar
Leaving the door ajar
For me to heal some scars
But for that I’ll have to leave Mars
And mingle with the stars
That float in the distance
While I watch their imprints
Making the night sky different

I avoid their pain
Becoming lame
Playing a game
Of staying tame
So I circle the drain
Without leaving a stain

If you see one snowflake dropping
you don’t have to salt the roads
but if it’s snowing bad enough
then yeah you salt the roads
depending on severity
you might even ask
people stay inside.

I don't need help changing my tire
I need your political support
to put out this fire
set by the angry mob of course
and there's no way I can force
you to see from the high horse
you gained from light chores
so keep your random acts of kindness
as long as you cure your blindness
I think we could find this
more profound niceness
embedded within the social construct
so kindness is required and not luck
because our intermittent charity
won't achieve economic parity
making our situation scarily
here to stay apparently
so don't tell me to be civil
from behind the American sigil
that sits on a swivel
with **** symbols
and those that swindle
a nation of marks
pushing shopping carts
in a lockstep art
dividing us from the heart
so even if you mow my yard
we'll still be miles apart
separated by a canyon of cordiality
that a river of oppression runs through
carrying away our ordeal reality
as fast as guns do
when they're held by the sightless
who convince themselves they're righteous
through random acts of kindness.