You came ‘round when I needed you
For that I owe you much
Your loving words caressed me
When we were much too far to touch

I find comfort in your presence
And solace in your arms
So the last thing I would want to do
Is bring you any harm

But you knew I came with baggage
You knew my sorrow was immense
You knew the risk of loving me-
-In my terrible defense  

Please don’t think I never loved you
Please don’t try to curse my name
Don’t perjure yourself into believing
That I didn’t feel the same

I meant each aching syllable
I meant it to my core
Imagine my dejection finding
We could not be anymore

I promise that it’s harder
To say no to someone’s love
When that someone is the person
That you think so highly of

You jumped in while I was drowning
You wiped away my tears
And a small part of me dies
As I evince your deepest fears

I’m who I am because
You took the time to care for me
You listened and you carried a
Portion of my misery

Please know, while I was dying,
So slowly bleeding out,
You plugged the wound so gently
Washing away my rotting doubt

And though you may feel gutted
At this thought of life apart
I’ll extirpate myself before
I fully break your heart

For a brief and lovely moment
Our souls were quite aligned
But matching us is simple proof
Cupid indeed is blind

For at the core we differ
We match like fire matches ice
It took too long for me to realize this
And for that, you pay the price

Apologies mean nothing
If you can’t act out remorse
You’ll want nothing of me
And proscribe me at the source

I’ll be banished, gone forever,
From your mind, and heart, and soul
Until you find the person
That can plug your newfound hole

Hearts never quite recover
From a love that has been lost
So the mind begins to wonder
If it’s really worth the cost

Perhaps the one we find shares
Some same love induced defects
Perhaps the bond forms over
The many love stories we’ve wrecked

But to the point, I’m sorry
Sorry that I’ve let you down
So sad to give back to the world
The wonderful man that I have found

You’ll stay with me forever
My heart branded by your eyes
Thinking of what could have been
With discontented sighs

What could have been will never be
I think this we both know
It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever do-
Watching you permanently go

My heart brakes while I write this
Tears falling down my chin
As the scar painfully rips away
And I feel the bleeding rebegin

Then you would be the alcohol that is burning me from the inside out...

*but at least your seeping pain is allowing me to heal...

I overthink,
It's a regular process,
I overthink,
Is it more than just a regular process?

I overthink,
That it is common,
I overthink,
Too much for myself.

I overthink,
I can barely help,
The wounds on my hands,
prove me wrong.

I overthink,
yet this is not mirage,
This is reality,
So this is not thought.

This is not overthinking,
this is true,
It's not me who is overthinking,
It's you.

I am a product of god's ignorance
I've been built from marred clay
Blame me, for sanity's sake
But the potters hands faltered
Irregardless of what some might say

I ingest every ounce of ink
I can manage to get a hold of
Until it permiates
And percolates again and again
Filtering through matter once gray
Leaving it saturated

Invoking imagery
Evoking change
And aptitude long since vacant

Because we bet on friends, but count on ourselves
With a fickle mistrust
Hardly justified, but well enough adapted
Laughable, really, when its thought about

Its only been recent that I've had so little time to place bets
And so little time to gamble
Like a trick of the vagrant wind
Ageless as it flows between a million meetings  of the minds
All great and inspired
Lying on so many final wills
And parting testaments

Grave, where is your sting...

Assumed to be bitter, it would seem
But bonds long since sutured to flesh
Make for an easy stretch of time
From now
Until forever ends

Each and every one

Each of my bones was broken and
Then set into themselves
Folding over backwards
Misshapen and deformed
Heaven blessed my torments many
Bitter running brooks that flow
Over every broken bone
Making each one whole

Restitution, but at a price
Vengefully demanded sacrafice
Only half a moment wasted lost in thought
Standing on the brink of a crossroad

Goddess, take a hold on me
Spirits, rend my soul free of these
Would be chains

A fall like lightning can illuminate
A dark night

The symbol of an age ending
And another fire burning

It was March 2007,
   An exact decade
The land was barren
   My bare body laid
The air was in drought
   Helplessness rioted and raid
Humanity was in scarcity
   My debt soul sinfully paid
   For its innocence
He was inside me, collecting dues
I was nine, crying and loud
He was forty one, enjoying and proud.

My money ran out,
August 2011.

April 2017
Debts never truly forgotten,
It was after work Saturday when
My debts finally finished paying
A vase left him bleeding

No longer loud and helpless.

-fir.m

Still I cry

Remembering everything

Preventing myself from moving on

No matter how far I've come,
how much time has passed

It's still there, like a fresh wound

Every day is a battle against the past

I'm a prisoner of our memories

she
bent
to your
will
until
she snapped

now
do not
blame her
for
making you bleed
from the wounds
caused by her
splintering
shards