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maxine Nov 2015
the rain drops still dripping from the early morning rain
the air conditioner right next my head that lies upon a pillow
the sound of the t.v drowned out but you can still dimly hear the voices cackling and cheering for the late nite t.v show host
and there lies my body in between all of this as i try to sleep
as my mind runs through so many things
thinking about everything, the past, the future, the present.
all of the noises come back as i just try to rest but i cant
life has got me by the claws and wont let go
but that's okay
at least something hasn't let go of me yet
i was listening to this soothing song called ''Olancha Farewell'' and it triggered so much so I hopped on the website and wrote everything that flowed.
Goodnight you beautiful people.
p.s
be aware i am not fully awake when writing this.. i may have made some errors but please bare with me.
merci.
G Oct 2015
Trigger warning
lonely nights

Trigger warning
aching wrists

Trigger warning
feeling so numb you crave any feeling

Trigger warning
tears streaming down your face

Trigger warning
friends coming for support

Trigger warning
how do you help someone else
when you can't even help yourself?

Trigger warning
help me

Trigger aim
Trigger fire

Trigger fire
gone.
Please help me.
Men, feminine? No.
We will never be your equal.
We, men, are higher.

There's a reason for
the ****. Abuse. Violence.
It is always your fault.

Don't go out at night.
Don't wear provocative skirts.
Don't drink – it's not cute.

How's your low-paid job?
Hearing you shout, ****, *******;
Don't be a ****, *****.

You will fall into.
me, at the club, drunk and dumb
You speak yes, but no.

This isn't my fault.
You consented to my hands,
on slim thighs, smooth *******.

You're in the gutter;
those drugs intoxicate you,
short skirt, slurring words.
Mel Little Jul 2015
One of my co-workers has scars on her wrists, covered by tattoos that do no good to hide them.
Not if you know what to look for.
I know what to look for.
I wonder her past, the ghosts hiding under the beautiful face, the blonde hair with the pink strips, the smile.
I wonder if she had an abusive upbringing like I did. If, as a teenager, she hid against her door bringing a razor blade to ****** skin until the ghosts bled out.
I know what that's like.
I would never glorify selfharm, never wish upon anyone the hell of feeling the need to release your mental pain in a physical manifestation.
But the relief it gives me to know that I am not the only one hiding scars under tattooed skin and long pants...
The relief is enough to make me hug her at night.
Tell her I'm glad that I work with her.
She is 36, 15 years older than me.
But our souls seek each other out, the broken souls know other broken souls so well.
I am glad she survived her demons.
I'm glad I'm surviving mine.
Cried twice today, strange feeling it was good, now question?
My hotel has wi fi so i can bore you with my holiday thought experiences :-):-) Context: in airport, distracting my mind with music (as i do) a podcast comes on, beautiful heartfelt heart-meant words distract me, really enjoying it but then a sentence 'softly hits me', eyes well up as i try blink my distorted view away, difficult but no drops on cheeks so can just wipe away. immediate analysis is 'why?' question, i know i have been building up fear over the last few days is this how i should relate to the world if i want to have real feelings again ( but this went totally against the good words of the podcast) but what if all i can feel is sorrow/pity/pain/'others struggle' when in a heightened sense of fear and that is the ****** reaction, by crying? again i have zero conclusions with this train of thought......but on to the second wet eye incident......reading an animal abuse (and subsequent rescue) post on FB and again had to wipe my eye. Why? thinking once the dam is breached it is easier for the blocked material to re-escape? does this apply to all emotions, is it a rule i previously took for granted? Anyways i made it to Paris, television time again is a real big treat (plus i cant pretend to understand their underlying currents because of the language barrier (i have no excuses for same back in homeland so dont watch tv)  **** phone headphones not working now so might have nondistractional thoughts/poems to post unless i get the fixed, but safe within four walls now and no bad s*it happened so next question is how to dissolve the fear energy i have been building up? sleep me thinks and finish my litre of stout. cheers for reading......happy travels to you in your future movements :-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-)
River Scott Jul 2015
you would think
that if one is happy
they wouldn't consider
killing themselves

but I guess I'm just broken.

-r.y.s
I'm not fixable and I know it.
Melody Claire Jul 2015
You are all so fragile
In more ways than one
Made of glass and glued pieces.
I'm unable speak certain words or
in certain tones...
And I am a stone
Watching my every move
Careful not to break you guys
I am a stone in a glass world
So heavy the burden
of staying strong
"you guys" does not refer to any of you :) just saying.
Jo Hummel Jun 2015
Sounds specific to dying engines,
picked locks,
or waves lapping at the surface just above your head;
The feeling of the earth crumbling below you,
the tremor caused by a far-off explosion,
or the way black holes will lure anything into their grasps.
The way any noise can make you jump,
the mention of someone causing your breathing to quicken, your pupils to dilate, or your hair to stand on end.
Knowing that there's no solution.
My anxiety is beyond imaginable right now and it's honestly hard to imagine I'll be alive this time next week.
Cat Fiske Apr 2015
My love for you,
Causes me to wake every 45 minutes,
I wake up crying because of the things we said,
I remember the time we spent,
And how you thought it could never end,
But it did,

As I knew open my self up to you,
It would,
See,
You saw me naked,
And crying,
And you still said you loved me,

My body is like an army that can barely get up off the ground,
It’s been destroyed and broken so many times,
It’s hard to look at,
And you did,
And kissed all my burns,
All my cuts,
And all my bruises,

And you promised me that you will always love me,
No matter what my skin read,
And I believed that,
And that,
And my soldiers have marcher on for too long,
and they are tired of the battle,

We wish to be done,
you made the mistake,
Your now the cause of these never ending wars,
You have caused me to scar,
just my insomnia at its best, and its due to my PTSD triggers, beds and stuff sometimes don't allow me to sleep, I have to sleep on the floor or recently with my eyes open, to get 45 minutes to two hours a night
River Scott Apr 2015
self harm takes many forms
from wrist lined in white
to burns on thighs

but i learned
it's much more than that
it's holding everything in
it's those negative thoughts i think
it's when I bite my inner lip
to remind myself that
any day,
i could decide i don't want to live

self harm is
so much more
than those white lines
or burn marks.

-r.y.s
I was never one to put a blade to my skin, so I found other ways instead.
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