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Ameliorate Jun 2019
When I was nine years old, my mother threw me into the shower.
Holding the removable shower facet in my face and proceeded to drown me.
This wasn’t a regular occurrence, fully clothed body and screaming for her to stop.
Choking, crying as this water cascaded into my open mouth while I struggled against the grasp of a plump body.
This scene, shattering protrusion of fear and betrayal.
A woman clawing out of flesh from the inside. “Don’t hurt her, she’s your daughter” one voice said but the urge was too strong.
I knew this woman, as she ripped me sleeping from my bedroom.
The smaller room in a two bedroom duplex adjacent to the bathroom and not very far.
“God wants me to do this”echoed repeatedly.
My brain registers the reality that she doesn’t intend to hurt me but I can’t breathe.
This only lasts a few minutes, she has done the lords work of cleansing the evil from me.
My mother apologizes profusely, but she is still my mother.
She holds me and dries me off.
I cry.
The moment passes.
And everything is normal.
MisfitOfSociety Jun 2019
Put a gun in my hand,
Pushing me to put it to my head.
If I happen to pull the trigger,
The bullet will carry me far away from here.
Then you will have your answer.
Kayla Gallant Jun 2019
You see she didn’t mean to pull the trigger, it’s just that her mind was so dark and she thought she was turning on the lights.
Just a flint of light cast into the universe
Chris Calkins Jun 2019
i'm a box
of oxymorons
contradicting and tripping over themselves
competing against themselves
to see who comes out on top
voices screaming in each ear
'look over there! no here!'
so loud
i cannot hear
the sound of my legs shaking
my heart aching
my mind breaking
over the things that i've done
is this what it feels like to know that you've won?
does that matter when you're also the one losing?
I feel like there is a war in my head over every little thing (that is really a Big Thing in disguise) and I hate it and I want it all to just. Stop.
Empire Jun 2019
What did you do?
The monster is awake
She’s furious
Now I have to hold her back
SeaChel Jun 2019
I feel myself slipping.
The ground slowly crumbles
from beneath me
to swallow me whole;
into that dark abyss once more.
I know it’s coming for me.
I can’t escape it.
My legs are full of lead,
too heavy to lift;
weighing me down
and helping me fall faster
to rock bottom once more.
gia-marie May 2019
the first time, it was cold.
a dark November night.
what else was I to resort to?
there was nothing.
my mind fuzzy.
my vision blurry.
I reached for the slick piece of metal.
the sharp object that would soon be my saving grace.
the answer to my questions.
the right to my wrongs.
it felt better just to drag it across my thigh at first.
feel the scratching of the metal across my untouched skin.
to barely leave a mark but still feel the pain was my intention.
but soon it turned into more.
six lines in a row everyday over my beautiful skin.
a punishment for the things I thought I had done wrong.
soon my untouched skin turned into a scarred masterpiece.
something so horrible...
but yet so beautiful.
something I hated...
but yet was so proud of.
but nobody was supposed to know of my masterpiece.
it was supposed to be the secret between me and my demons.
the ones I fought everyday.
the ones I still fight to this day.
and finally I let the secret out.
<3
** TRIGGER WARNING **
I just wanna say that this is not me telling everyone for the first time that I self harm.  I have already gone through rehab, been to the mental hospital and I am on the road to recovery.  this is to show people they are not alone.  much love,
g.
Harley Apr 2018
Is that a cut?
No, it’s just a scratch.
Okay, then what's that mark?
I told you before, it was just my cat.
Is this always your excuse?
Is this always your lie?
What’s with all the new bracelets you’re wearing outside?
Calm down, it’s just fashion. I'm not gonna die.
Is that a tear, did I just hear you scream?
Why are you crying?
Sorry, it’s not my fault I just had a bad dream.
You may not believe but she’ll never come clean.
excuses, excuses are all that she needs.
It's not just the cat, It’s not a sense of fashion.
She got all caught all up in this and now she’s starting to fall in.
She made you a promise and said never again, never again.
But what will she say when it’s finally the end?
She went and cut too far, now she’s left here to cry and weep
You walk into the room and fall down to your feet.
She's gone, she's gone. That's all you can say.
You sit here, blaming yourself wishing you could have made her stay.
You love her, you love her. That's all she wanted you to say
But now she’s gone because of all she could do each and every day
Cut. cut. Cut.
Kat May 2019
I.
in this space without shadows,
i was a witness how this world became stranger
until it wasn’t mine. the memory of touch carries the torch,
through a deserted island, an abandoned house,
another girlhood turned ghost-town.
his sour amaretto mouth
closer, closer, closer.
saturday mornings i used to watch cartoons on the tv,
big goofy characters. these pictures come to me from afar
and dissolve into black lava,
at his hands cold metal sting.
with the tenacity,
i cling onto the hope of forgetting,
monuments were built for
gods and prophets.
so it goes.
somewhere in the world
mouths move around the filthy word,
forming the saddest companionship,
like two orphans who recognise each other.

II.
once upon a time,
i believed in a magic stronger than seduction.
why don’t we try to be less entitled?
after all, nothing was promised.
those of us,
attacked, assaulted, agonised,
in the sacredness of home,
in the public eyes wide shut,
fade into TV static noise.
how loud are the sounds of this
realism replica,
in bold letters proclaimed
now available:
FEMINISM!
(sold at every fast fashion retailer)
ALL GIRLS ARE BEAUTIFUL!
(but we still need to profit off your self-hatred)
LOVE IS HURTING
(why don’t you try to see his side?)
it’s nothing personal.
shame just happens to make good money.
that was a hard thing to write and to post. my mind felt very hazy. i still don't know whether i struck the right cord with my words.
Indigo Morrison May 2019
your name is a trigger
for being wanted,
but not loved all the way through.
for being mirror that only reflects the good in you when you feel bad, sad or lonely.
your face triggers seeing myself walking on eggshells
and keeping one foot out the door in love.
your hands are a trigger for being held not tight enough and not nearly long enough.
your existence is a trigger of unrequited love that won’t stop
or fall apart like it should.
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