She doesn’t know I’m here,
She doesn’t know of my existence,
I’m never seen with her,
Yet she’s inside my heart with persistence,
Her beauty, it torments me,
She is everything that I want and more,
But she is still blind to me,
Yet still her vision makes my heart soar,
I wish for this love to end,
Because seeing her fills my heart with pain,
Wanting this all to end,
Wiping my tears that fall like rain,
Now I’m standing atop this ledge,
Wondering if she’d know if I fall,
But I doubt that she ever would,
Because she doesn’t see me at all.

Take me up high but drag me

    Down
Low
My starry eyes look UPon you
But with no |glow|

I shrink and shiver with YOUR BREATHE upon me

I want to feel safe
Noone come near


Me

Take me away
Somewhere more         [safe]
I was a fool to ever have faith

My starry eyes shatter
Underneath my heart

it's a pit within my stomach
It makes me want to lie
underneath you and *****

For i was a f l o w e r
Blooming and ~colorful~

Now I'm a puppet

Dead and miserable

I realize I am too compassionate;
I feel everything at a 100% rate,
and I loathe it so much.
Why do they come on so strong all the time;
it mentally drains me.

I am destined to die early;
I can't see myself living past my mid-thirties.
I learn how to accept death as it is,
and I am slowly learning how to let go.

I want to cry, I want to scream;
I want to voice out this indecipherable torment inside of me.
But no one will understand,
and no one will know;
this mask of mine can't be taken off.

It is what I desire,
yet I want to scream the truth out to the world;
my alternating flow of thoughts,
my constant battle;
it goes down with me to the grave.

This happiness is an illusion;
There's a second mind that takes over,
and blocks away all of the hopelessness.
It brings forth a temporary elation,
a nonchalance,
a pretentious ease.

Is this better?
Does it make me better?
Or does this delude me to the point
where I become more destructive
and cause more harm than cure?

Why does my mind run so much?
Why does this version of me exist?

Because I am born empathetic.
Because I am human.
Because I hold a great understanding of myself,
and a greater awareness of how I am.

But not behind in the how it came to be.

No one holds the answer, and I am forever left with questioning all these endless why's and how's.

Everything else is left unanswered

perhaps until the day I die.

— Y.H.

the end of the tunnel,
gentle fervor.

Devilish torment -- her body is my lament.
She crawls beneath the cracks and finds
The dark cellar, where my "worst" ferments.
She feeds it as it rots,
Just to make its wine more bitter . . .
Squeezed from the finest lies,
        Designed to make an addict from a quitter.

Like a dark and tempting vacuum
                That my soul cannot escape,
Attractive in its repulsion,
                 It's a part of me that loves the way it hates.
Masturbatory and selfish,
With a thirst that can't be quenched . . .
She finds the spots within me,
                   That make even deities flinch.
Their knees crack and crumble,
                   At its all-consuming "nothing". . .
I never knew my zero could be so wholly unbecoming.

She, or it, will surely be my undoing.
Yet, somehow, that keeps me moving.
So uncomfortably I'll admit . . .
It's the brutal nature of it all,
That I find so disturbingly soothing.

My thoughts return to you
Like picking at
An infected wound.

Satisfying,
but unproductive.

There is a life
In words
That everyone
Couldn't witness.

The life in it itself
Is an oxymoron;
Fills you with joy
And makes you cry.

Happiness is fictional
Suffering is factual
Joy melts and
Pain freezes.

Read more
Be alone,
Find the joy
In the solitude it brings.

Write syllables in torment
Let them kiss each heart it is read
Let the agony rejoice in words
And let the joy weep in pain.

Let the world of pain
Dissolve in every note of music
Let it disperse in each cheerful mind
And **** all the lives of mythical muse

"We can't afford to be wrong on this issue."  
~ Francis Chan

With holy anguish hearts are crying
through feeble language urgently trying
to summon the sleeping now to wake
for souls' eternities are at stake