If I told you how I feel,
Would you want to stay?
Would you hold me tight?
Or would you walk away?
You mean so much to me,
But I worry you don’t see it,
Even if you did though,
Loneliness is all I’d get,
I can’t imagine someone like you,
Being with someone like me,
Although it’s everything I want,
It’s truly hard to see,
I feel I’m in the background,
Of your amazing mind,
Something always there,
But impossible to find,
How I wish that you could see me,
And how I feel for you,
How I want to make you happy,
And all the things I’d do,
But you are blind to me,
For I’m in the background still,
And in my heart I’m sure,
That I always will.

Mother, look at me,
Look me in my eyes,
And when I look back,
Know that my hope dies,
From the moment I was born,
I was never good enough,
And living with that knowledge,
Has made my life so tough,
My failures were always amplified,
It was the only time you cared,
It’s because of this while growing up,
That I was always scared,
I was scared to talk to anyone,
I was scared of what they’d think,
And my self-hatred piled up so high,
Until I finally reached my brink,
Why did you make me feel like a failure,
For so many years?
Why did you make your own son,
Shed so many tears?
Now that I’m grown,
I’ve learned not to care,
And I can certainly say,
My mind’s better without you there,
I know you still disapprove,
But it no longer bothers me,
I’ve finally found my own path,
And I’m who I want to be.

I can’t get out of bed,
Yet I can never sleep,
I’m always feeling sad,
Yet I can never weep,
This defines depression,
It’s like living in a hurricane,
Always feeling numb and weightless,
Yet always in so much pain,
Some days it’s so unbearable,
That I don’t want to live,
Others it’s hardly there,
And not one sign it gives,
It’s almost like a cloud,
That follows me around,
Sometimes it doesn’t rain,
Sometimes I almost drown,
Whenever I am drowning,
Darkness is all I see,
And I think that the world,
Would be better without me,
Better without me being around,
And being in a better place,
Hoping no one remembers me,
So I don’t leave a single trace.

The most wonderful time of the year,
The holidays are here,
But wonderful for who?
For I have no cheer,
I always hear people say,
How they love Christmas Day,
But I do not belong,
So this day brings dismay,
For on this day I always feel blue,
And I always wish for something new,
For all I ever truly want,
Is just one person to come home to,
Others celebrate on this day with cheers,
But there are no such celebrations here,
For all I ever have on Christmas,
Are two blue eyes that are filled with tears.

This life that I am living,
I can’t take it anymore,
It’s to the point where even breathing,
Is too much of a chore,
The sadness overwhelms me,
When I’m laying in my bed,
And the only cure for it,
Is a bullet to my head,
People say that change will come,
But all I hear is lies,
Whats the point anyway,
When in the end everyone dies?
If I were to die now,
I’d be freed from my sadness,
So why should I go on,
When doing so feels like madness?

When I’m with others,
They leave me alone,
The thoughts that haunt me,
When I’m on my own,
“You’re gonna die alone,”
“Everyone hates you,”
“You’ll never be good enough,
No matter what you do,”
These thoughts among many,
Keep me up all night,
Because coping with them,
Is a constant fight.

Breath starts to shorten,
And my body goes numb,
As I lie awake in bed,
Waiting for death to come,
What was supposed to heal,
I am now using to ****,
And I won’t ever stop using,
Until my heart is completely still.