It's been a year, saw you a little back while ago.

Lighting up my cigarettes,
Saw you. I turned around
Hoping you will notice me
You did and my heart felt like it was everything but knowing its already over.

You shouted my name from far and waved.
I waved back and said hello
We both were smiling happily and waving to each other.

But i wonder, behind ur smile do you still miss me like how i did?

Do you still miss us?
Do you still love me?

Still wondering till now

If you do, please come back
My doors are always open like how your doors was open in the past.

Carry me through to.

My friend said he was leaving.
So I said goodbye.
My grandfather was told he was leaving.
So I watched Fred Astaire movies with him.
She said she was leaving and asked If I’d go with her.
So...I did.





Garrett Johnson.

I spend too long
Staring into the sun
The flicking tongues
Of radiation
Spilling into space

The weight of your head,
like the whole globe on your shoulders,
the world on one neck,
the ache of one body.

I’m tired, like all of the stress simply sits on my dreams

while I’m trying to sleep it away,
but I don’t get a break-
not even one day.

At least the bowl isn’t red anymore,
at least the sun is alight.
But I’ve ached for a year now, and it’s still so unclear how
I will heal, or if ever I will.

Keep sunny, keep yellow,
like the lilies in bloom
which sit on the drawers
at the end of my room.

The weight of my head,
like the whole globe on my shoulders,
the world on one neck,
the ache of one body.

don't look at me like that
as I rise on shaking legs
and begin to push my chair up a steep hill.

I am far too tired to put my body through the hell
that self-propulsion would inflict upon me here,
and far too tired to tell you anything more than to
b a c k   o f f
as you raise a judgemental eyebrow,
or make a pointed remark to your friend
about how lazy the youth these days are.

if I could summon the energy, I would say
'forgive me; every cell in my body is giving up on me
and it is almost more than I can bear to be awake right now.'

if I could summon the energy, I might even give
a brief overview of chronic illness, before realizing
that I owe the details of my medical history to nobody.

if I could summon the energy,
I wouldn't be in this ****** chair in the first place
ducking your glares and stares and *******.

so don't you dare look at me like that,
or I'll run my wheels over your foot.

Of doing even a little effort
for too much gives no result
Is it time to resort
to measures worse than assault

I preach of loving yourself
yet I despise myself
One cannot explain oneself;
How much of an urge to **** this self

this mind grew tired
of feelings of helplessness,
this body cannot endure
the pain,
these hands can no longer
afford to tremble in weakness,
these lungs involuntarily
pump life into me
as these years slowly
escape from thy
inward eyes.

There used to be a fire,
that burned inside of me.
I never had to tend it,
it had always just burned free.

It roared so fiercely,
and burned so ******* bright.
It kept me moving forward,
and broke the darkness with its light.

Then something started changing,
and the light began to dim.
The flames began to lessen,
and they never grew again.

Every day that passed,
the fire was less and less.
And the darkness creeped in,
making my direction a guess.

Then one day it flickered,
guttered, and died.
The darkness consumed me,
and I grew cold inside.

Now I just stumble,
trying to relight my flame.
But I can’t see where I’m going,
all this black looks the same.

I just need a spark,
to rekindle my soul.
And if I can’t find it,
then I’ll never be whole.