i'm seeing a psychoanalytic therapist
they want to analyze me
because my so called life has turned into the scariest
and somehow in a country of freedom i can't be free
they want to analyze me like a mathematician
analyzes the graph of an unknown function
psychiatric ward it says in the papers for my admission
i'm not crazy somebody please give me a definition
how do you think you can analyze a human
you can't look inside my mind
where all my thoughts are blooming
creating my emotions, feelings or something of an other kind
why do all my actions need a reason
how do you know i didn't write that poem
just to show them how i see the world
it doesn't necessarily mean i'm broken
just because you do not understand
doesn't mean I suffer from some unknown disease
why analyze a masterpiece
cause that's what every single human is

Words stuck in my lungs for months
Suddenly became butterflies escaping my mouth
And I didn't have to be afraid
Because you made sure to save them inside of your head
Every single one of them

You encouraged me to cut the flowers
Growing in my lungs, preventing me from breathing
Like weeds I unplucked them
And you made sure to save them

You dried them between the pages of your book

Took once or twice a look
But never ever dared to throw them away

candle headed kids,
melting under pressure.
contorting and dying under the weight of something so bright and important:
a flame.
the burn of a good future just an arms reach away.
the heat of not letting anyone down.
the scorching pain of reaching through the flame,
the one thing destroying them,
just to succeed.
just to not let anyone down.
just to live.
anxious.
forever anxious.

smog headed kids.
they cannot breathe.
their thoughts,
contorting around their lungs,
killing them.
so dark,
so dark in their minds.
the need for pain,
the feeling of undeserving.
no one understands a smog headed kid.
forever choking over their own mind.

Darkness envelopes the thoughts of carefree living.
Darkness sets in and we turn to the light.
Don't worry it's taken years to reach this point.
Each battle leading us higher, I can see over the clouds.
Each battle pushing us further below, don't think there's a way out.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Forget the contradictory remarks and thoughts intended to belittle.
Belittle, what?
Belittle the heart.
Does this sound familiar to you?
Thoughts racing like the beat of a drum, droplets of sweat present to accompany the stress.
Hide yourself, they'll never know.
Keep eye contact, they'll never know.
Keep nodding yes, they'll never know.
Does this sound familiar to you?

she had hair that looked like straw dipped into ink
round icy eyes that sagged downwards
flat eyelashes that floated straight outwards
her cheeks always pulled down into a frown
her papery hands folded into each other
a finger decorated with a dull silver band

"I woke up."
   And wished I was dead.
"I walked through the house."
   Like a zombie.
"I kissed and hugged my mother."
   And my body was in so much pain.
"I ate my breakfast."
   And felt sick to my stomach.
"I grabbed my clothes and got dressed."
   But I stared at my scars and cuts first.
"I started my schoolwork."
   And wished I could disappear.
"I turned in assignments."
   But I already knew what my grades would be.
"I ate lunch; I had a sandwich."
   I didn't want to eat. Why do they make me?
"I went back and did more school."
   And wished I wasn't alive; did I mention that already?
"I did my chores."
   And thought of all the ways I could leave.
"I ate dinner."
   Because they always make me eat.
"I did more school until ten."
   Then collapsed into bed, not wanting to exist.
"I laid in my bed wide awake, thinking, until about two a.m."
   I didn't want to sleep 'cause I don't like nightmares.
"I thought about life, conversations, etc."
   Ways I could off myself, why I hate myself, etc.
"I finally fell asleep around two-fifteen."
   The nightmares get worse and worse.
   Please don't make me do it again.
   I don't want to live another day.
   Please don't make me live life.
"Then the day started again when I woke up at about five."
   *Please.