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  Apr 2019 Tyrus
My hands have betrayed me.
Once the means to write pages,
Now my hands are only dead weight.

My hands won't pick up a pen.
Or even type short,
Choppy sentences.

They dangle at my sides
And find refuge in my hair,
Leaving me bleeding.

Like my hands,
My mouth has declared itself
My enemy.

Once the passageway for words
To explain myself,
My mouth is now as useful as a broken bridge.

With nothing of value to say,
It talks  
And sings anyway.

It opens without my permission
But stays closed whenever I try
To scream meaning.

The inability to illustrate
Or translate my mind
And my soul
Is not an unfamiliar ordeal.

But it's lonely on the outside
And frustrating looking in.
It seems I'll always feel like an alien.
  Mar 2019 Tyrus
I can’t do this anymore
something has to change

I love you
I miss you
and I never meant to hurt you

I won’t say I’m sorry
because isolating myself
is the best thing
I’ve ever done for me
I’m finally getting to know myself again
and now I know why
I was never happy

The thing is
I was too caught up with
you and your messes
to realize
I was beginning to unravel
from the inside out

I was too busy making sure
everyone else
got their own happy ending
that I forgot
who I am
and what I needed

Now I realize
I needed

I need someone
to remind me to breathe
to step away
keep my sanity
stitch myself together
and bleed my own sorrows

you are, resided in me
they needed flowing in my
every dream
slept in my heart
and yet
that I am was
nowhere to be found
and I can’t be that again

So this is goodbye
to the girl I used to be
and sleepless nights
worrying about
tomorrow’s sorrows
I could take the pain away
'til one day
I did
and never stopped
I whittled myself away
until I was nothing
without the pain plaguing you
and those around me

I became addicted
to ******* the pain out of you
and into me
inflating myself back to life
just so you wouldn’t disappear
I never showed it but
I was slowly
going insane
always needing more pain

You always said
I never wanted stability
and you were right
because if everything was alright
I had no clue who I was
and I couldn’t
fill myself back to life
To the best friend I once had.
I'm sorry it took so long to say this.
I tried to get the words out in person but I never quite could.
  Mar 2019 Tyrus
I miss my father
He's not dead, but it seems like he is
Doesn't talk
At least not to me
Where'd you go dad?
I know I couldn't be all the son you wanted
But I tried
I know we tend to forget about dads
But from the bottom of my heart I wanted to say

I love you, dad.
  Mar 2019 Tyrus
"My daughter, I have seemed to misplace
Instead of my darling, I received a disgrace
The poor old stork, to bring me this girl
Should retire his work, a shame on this world
Look at how she wishes she were,
Watching the world grow up without her
The luck she bares is all but good
"Listen and do, like proper girls should!"
Where's her beauty and womanlike charm?
All she has is an urge for self harm
To lose a daughter is a shame on its own
To receive a disappointment brings disgrace to my home
If returns were an option, I'd do it in a tick
Yet here she is and its making me sick
Counting the days til she's out of my hair
But for now I'll keep acting like I care"
This is really what my father thinks of me fyi
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