I'd like to see
The tears
you're crying

When they carry
My body
Away.

I'd like to know
You should
Have loved me

When you could have
Had
Your say.

I want lots of
Arms
to comfort

And help you
Get through
The grief.

I'd like to see
The tears
You're crying

When you could
Have said
Your peace.

Tell me that you'll miss me then.
I won't hear, but you'll say it then.
Tell me that we won't ever end.
I'll never know, but you'll say it then.

I'd like to see
The tears
You're crying

When you
Are feeling
Your pain.

Make
It all
about you

When it all
Comes back
Again.

When
The choir
Is singing

It won't be
Because
I'm gone

I'd like to see
The tears
Your crying

And know
You know
You were wrong.

Tell me that you'll miss me then.
I won't hear, but you'll say it then.
Tell me that we won't ever end.
I'll never know, but you'll say it then.

Can you tell me how
You love me now?
Can you let the secret out of Pandora's box?

I want your friends
To be
around

I want
You to
have fun

But first
The truth
Will eat you

For what
You've left
undone.

Some
Might say
It's better

That you
Are spared
Some pain.

I
Had lived
Not knowing

If I
Was loving
You in vain.

Tell me that you'll miss me then.
I won't hear, but you'll say it then.
Tell me that we won't ever end.
I'll never know, but you'll say it then.

Why you?
Why now?
Was it the dark, the lack of light?
Well, there was the moon glow through the the window!
So it has to be what was on my mind.
Was it the ***?
Cursed truth serum
That burned my mind with the Polaroids of my insecure past?
When I had doubts of not good enough
When I lied more than I told the truth
Changing my name from town to town
Changing my face from friend to friend
Whatever the reason must’ve been fleeting
I don’t remember now or am I repressing?
Only time will tell if I start admitting
that I have problems that might need fixing.

Who is that one person who falls over a lot?
Do they always get up?
Yes?
Well, they get up for you and the others they care for.
Do you help them?
If you don't don't hold back.
Help then next time!
Have they helped you?
They help you so you don't give up.
Do this for them.

What's next, then?
Suicide or Madness?

I gaped from the shock,
As I stare at your eyes, now,
How are we to know?

Now, wearing older faces,
Never thought we’d meet here.
Looks like a love story.

You looked at me,
Like you’ve never seen me this way before.
But, I look at you with a familiar glimmer.

I forced not to smile,
As I held both my cold hands,
And stood there with my sweaty feet.

I failed to remember words,
It ate me instead.
You glanced back, and bid your goodbye.

Somewhere long ago,
We’ll we know?
How’d it go, if this is still yours?

I’ll have to (let you) know.

What happens when,
the light from the stars fades away?

What happens when,
the twines once taut fray?

What happens when,
a longing,
once together,
becomes alone?

When indifference, like bleach,
scratches and,
tears,
grinds and,
flairs,
destroys what was,
devours what's theirs.

When all is symmetric,
white as a bone.

What happens then?
why,
now,
do I feel alone.

under the lake we were we
under the lake we sang about
than we then sang we sang we
what were we talking about then
what were we talking about then about
what were we then and when

under the lake shining where all around
flowers alone flowers and roses and moons on meadows
about the circle about where the
lake is where the lake is in the wilderness
about what we sang with you about what we were
about what we sang with you about what we went about

18.09.18

and there were pyramids all around
on this strange love day
and I remember the mountains and they were
were they and then with me
and the glasses fought against the dishes
something strange was not so then
but it passed but it was gone and always
and maybe it was not at all ever

and the pyramids surrounded my walls and spirit
and what is the spirit like not sand
and the water spun in a huge waltz
a waltz of words perhaps I will say in waltz
dreams I'm about to say
after all darkness and sun and night and day
and dull fog lights around
it's also heaven it's the same hell
but is not this all love

10.09.18