Dragged under the water by darkness, wondering when it will all be over. This suffocating darkness that calls my name.
I’ve been hurt. I’ve been torn to pieces. Smashed onto the ***** floor in which I’ve been told I belong. The struggle of staying above the water drags me deeper. I’m tired and wet and empty inside. It just seems so easy to let go. The thought of trying to swim to freedom is so nothingness. The weights chained to my ankles only get heavier each day with the weights of the world. Soon I will fail. I will give up. Unable to live in a world where you safe, where your pain is taken away, where there is people you can tell everything to, where life seems freeing. I remember the day she held scissors to my head. The blade millimeters away from my face. The she took us to the car and drove away. She took us to the park. 10:00 pm. She asked us what we were thinking. About if they would get a divorce. She said she would be mad. I said nothing. No words could describe how I felt. “I don’t feel anything.” She was mad. She lied. He lied they lied. We lied. I now no longer feel anything. I’m in pain. I’m in empty pain. My tears mean nothing and yet everything. My words start wars and end lives. I. Me. Who is Me? No one. Nothing. A nothing slowly running out of air.

I am lifeless.
A heart without a beat.
A body without a soul.
A face without a smile.
Ripped of my innocence and left with the empty shell of who I used to be.
The terror-filled nightmares have me screaming.
I just want everything to stop.

Why am I suffering? Am I the only one?
The only one who cries herself to sleep.
The only one with lines drawn on her arms.
The only one dealing with the shrieking voices in her head, telling her to end it all.
Why do I have to suffer?
How can I be filled with life but remain empty?
Where did it all go?

I feel it. The warmth.
On my skin, but never inside.
I’m cold. Alone. Dead.
Never to know what a smile is. What it feels like.
It was difficult to remember. My smile.
Soft but contagious, it had stained my lips like blood.
The same blood I tasted as I bit my tongue hard to keep from screaming.

My insides are too damp with uncried tears.
I am just a hollow plastic doll with a painted happy face.
The mirror lies to me. Bringing to light all my flaws.
Whenever I saw my reflection, I didn't know who was staring back.
Every day I plaster my face with fake a smile.
I can’t take it anymore.

I am lifeless. A lifeless heartbeat.

I love you. Those three words hurt me more than you could imagine.
Knowing I couldn't say them back broke me and made my head spin.
You asked why I was crying, held me, didn't ask again,
I knew you would get through it, I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to look at other men.
I remember the sadness on your face, the anger in your voice, the shakiness in mine,
And the joy you felt when you met her that made your heart shine.
The lack of remorse when you felt my pain and the reality of your cold shoulder,
I did what you said, tried to be happy for you, almost moved on and got older,
Then I saw it happen again, how I hated to see you suffer,
So when she told me how she felt I didn't stop her although that choice was tougher.
When I heard you say yes, my mind went blank save for that word on repeat,
My tears soaked that pillow until sleep made my consciousness retreat.
You never knew what I know, that inside i held feelings for you,
There was always a part of me, that was dying to say I love you too.

I was out last night
Her smile attracts the loner
I wish she could hold me tight

Daughter of the angel
I tried my best to forget
The way she tangle

A sweet slaughter in my heart
Understand my situation and feelings
Although I was not enough smart

Devil eye's
Ready to give me surprise
Put me in dark cage
I found nothing in my ribecage

Give me my moon back
Did they hack
That flower is no more
I cried more than four