We always ask the kids,
"Who are your friends?"
or
"What teachers do you like?"
or
"What would you like for dinner?"
but I never, ever have heard someone ask,
"Are you alright?"
until it is too late

the sight of soccer makes me sick
the smell of old spice makes my eyes *****
seeing a buick makes me want to curl in a ball
it always seemed like you stood so tall
above me
as i stood in your shadow
you were
are oblivious
as you chat away
every day
pretending to care
pretending
like you want me there
today you almost
read my poems
stupid
to lend you my computer
while it was up
you read one
two
three
before i freaked and pulled it away
it makes me
sick
this hopeless devotion
it curdles my stomach
this senseless inward commotion
reading like a sheakspere historian
into your every word
brush
comment
every time
our eyes meet
i fall a
little more in love
and get a little angrier
at myself
for succumbing to
this foolish
black hole
of a sickness

Stupid boy.
With your bright eyes and your soft hair.
Stupid boy.
With your laugh that always brings out mine.
Stupid boy.
With your ability to never keep me mad at you, despite it all.
Stupid boy.
With the way you always make me feel.
Stupid girl.

I showed a girl a picture
Of a dying man she said it would scar forever
And I told her that was the purpose
That I was only returning a favor
She walked out of the place
Thought she'd be gone forever
She came back the next day
And started to say that she was better
Than all the others
Said we'd be forever, said we'd be forever

But my walls keep falling down
Keep breaking down
And I put in my all just to keep them up but
I am growing so tired of being stretched so thin
Of trying to pretend that this ain't bothering me

I used to know what I was doing
But I got lost in all the fake promises and paranoia
I am trying to hard again
I'd sell myself to win
I'd sell myself to make her smile
And sometimes I feel so alone I'm forced into my own world
Where I waste my time building my own kingdom

But my walls keep falling down
Keep breaking down
And I put in my all just to keep them up but
I am growing so tired of being stretched so thin
Of trying to pretend that this ain't bothering me

I showed a girl a picture of a dying man

https://spencercarlson.bandcamp.com/track/my-stupid-kingdom

Im scarred for what iv done, and put to the extreme, "only god can judge me" they say.  Well I judge me, while god stares down shaking his head wondering what a **** up iv become. *** and money are my sins. I have nothing to offer a good girl but bad choices and past mistakes. We all have baggage, mine just hangs between my pants waiting to prove its self one more time. Im sick, no help, or words of motivation to change. I am who I am because I cant change. ****** up bi poler, *** crazed, schizophrenic ******* want to be ******* I am... hallelujah ******* god ******... a-*******-men

A bad relationship is a lot like burning your tongue.
Food is delicious, and it's best when it's hot, of course.
You dive on in and devour it.
It only hurts a little bit, and it stills tastes good.
The next morning, with a blistered tongue, you just ask yourself;
"Ouch....was it really worth it?"

my life
is at
a stand still
everything is
broken
into these tiny *******
little
pieces
that i cant put
back
to
gether
and i dont understand any of it
and i cant move to change it
its like a nightmare
its like quick sand
its like nothing
but all at once
and
i
feel
so
alone