Help me now,
In my time of need,
Lagging behind,
I am out of speed.

Don't let me fall,
Into the deep blue,
Catch me, I'm fainting,
Depending on you.

My stomach is turning,
Around and around,
Over and over,
Up and then down.

Make me smile,
I can't on my own,
I need help living,
Can't do this alone.

It's been five days
Since I've had a proper meal.
I won't eat. 
Those three words don't mean 
I won't eat at all,
Only enough so I don't die. 
I eat a bowl of fruit and a sandwich everyday. 
Lots of beverages! 
Don't forget!
I've learned to like the feeling of my empty stomach. 
I am now conscious of the feeling of my bones. 
It's been five days since I have had a proper meal. 
Weird how in so little time I'm already feeling thin. 
I don't look different I know, but I feel different. 
I know it's not healthy but maybe one more day. 
One more day and you might like me. 
One more day and you might like me the way you like her. 
The tall thin one. 
I won't eat
Because you didn't know how much it killed me when you looked at her the way I looked at you. 
Maybe next time you see me you'll ask, "how did you do it? What happened?"
 And I will simply reply,
I won't eat.

i am lying on my stomach
starring at the blue elephant prints on this duvet
i got from Sri Lanka last year. and there's
a small voice in my head
that says to me, do not fall in love again.

but i do it it anyway.


-- Eleanor

I was red wine,
You were blueberry.

I was robust and full-bodied
Maybe the only one
As unpredictably
rich as you

And much worse
At concealing it

We joined in
Meals where we only
Discussed
What we were hungry for.

But in our starvation
We confused eachother

For food
And we tore
Ourselves
Apart

Imagine Breakfast
Lunch, and Dinner

Smiling across
at you
From the other side of
Your pillow

Because we
Weren’t after sustenance

It was never your taste
That satisfied
but still I had been licking
The salt off of your skin

Somehow, I was the one
That felt raw in the morning

But we were new to
The institution
Munchies were to be
Expected

But our empty calories
Created blockages around my heart

Only the basic needs
Slipped through
Reminding me of
The hunger I was stifling

We boiled over
And looked elsewhere for feed

You had broken
Your diet lifestyle
Not seeing how
Emaciated it had made you

You indulged yourself
On the richness of being filled

And you threw it up
Silently in the bathroom
Flushing away
The burning

So no one
Would ever know

But I saw the color
Return to your cheeks
As we set our table
For the meal we would

Never eat.

I was born a medical debacle.
Bowel movements consistently irritable,
Inflammation causing an abundance of distress,
Have my fears of leaving the house to ******.

Help me as my insides are bursting in pain.
I’d rather have my head repeatedly slammed in car door.
Scenarios created within my own psyche,
I am left with great despair for my future as a man.

Failing  to do so little as sitting in a classroom,
With unfamiliar eyes that could easily be drawn to me,
I hear a gurgling sound coming from my intestines,
And I am stranded on an island of panic.

Unable to leave the room,
As the instructor ceases trips to the bathroom,
I’m crying on the inside in agony,
And my colon is screaming traumatically.

The mental tormenting has gone seventeen years too long,
With this ailment I have yet to rid myself of.
I am a slave to this known syndrome,
As many people are of this day,
And I have genetics to be thankful for of this disease,
That is literally and figuratively,
eating me up inside.

I am told that I am meant to get
Rumbles in my stomach from all the butterflies that materialize when
I think of you.
Well honey, this is an earthquake.

I have been in love, before --
I think
.
.
.

The kind of love where
Your heart
squeezes
in your Chest
and you
Feel like you're exploding
From the inside out and
You cannot hear
Anything,
Anything at all/but them


and it was real--
I tell myself.
My friends tell me.
They told me.

As real as being young could
Be...
The kind of real you get from sobbing and laughing
While your stomach melts your
Heart and your brain fries to
Bits
.
.
.
From their smile..,
Or their frown.
:(


But
I don't remember crying--
Just forgetting
.
.
.

How
one day my lungs were back to
Normal size and
My brain no longer
Screamed...

And (how) they weren't
in the obituary section
of the news.

When you eat yourself fat it makes you lose your appetite
so you get a job and it makes you think too much
So then you "forget" to eat
My life changed forever the first time I skipped dinner
Now my stomach isn't growling
It's cheering me on
Come on girl this is a sign that you are strong
Do you want hip bones or food?
I want to hear people behind say "look how skinny she is"
Because all I hear is skinny
Forget the skittles and lollipops
We want to feel comfortable enough to go out in a tank top
I wake up and my head is light like a feather
I want to be picked up bride style
And it's embarrassing when you're too heavy
Think light thoughts
Like the wind and sun rays fluttering around the world
Leaves slowly falling from trees
We want Photoshop in real life
People ask "have you been eating?"
That's a sign its working
One day I won't have to **** in
Hollow is good
Less space to take up

undermy stormy eyes
filled with sorrow and pain
standing drenched in tears
falling like silver sheets of metal
like a hawk in the night I'm listening
to the sound of my pounding heart
tasting my own salty tears

pressing my face against my mirror studding
all the possibilities of what was wrong
closed my eyes silently like the shutters
that hung over my bed room windows
then very gently, I took another look
alone in this glass world wanting to scream
but I can't because every wall was easy to break

mind was struggling to escape from this darkness
it felt like a tightened noose around my throat
fighting for air I could feel my body falling
this is madness, insanity, I'm so confused and lost
all I feel is the pain like a fist in my stomach
I just stood there staring at the floor with tears in my eyes
I never thought my heart would break because I guarded is so well