brown painted walls,
chipped in random spaces.
the tv turned to something he would never watch.
the sound of his snores occupying the room.
the only other sound is the faint beeping
from the machines in other rooms.
each nurse checking in every few minutes.
not that it mattered.
he wasn't getting better.
we were sitting ducks while he sat in pain.
I hate this place.
Written on the last day I saw my Grandfather awake. I accidentally found this hidden in a journal I've been keeping for the past few years. Feeling sad, but it is what it is.
I recently went to a party
while my boyfriend was at work
Reconnecting with old classmates
and friends lost with time
They ask all about my life
what I'm up to and where things are going
The first thing to roll off my tongue
is the name of the man that I love
Immediately my heart begins to race
and a million stories rush to my mind
Do I tell them how charming you've always been?
How charismatic you are?
Or do I tell them about all the butterflies
that float around all me when you call me "baby"
Can any story truly tell someone
how amazing a person can be,
without actually meeting them?
The words roll off my tongue
and it's as if I can never stop
I could tell a million stories
and unique in its own way
about all the things
that make my lover
the only one for me
the first time I was able to talk about you to the kids I went to high school with.
I hope you all receive and understand
What unconditional love is
at least once in your love
The kind of love that powers you
The kind of love that protects you
From your worst fears,
perhaps even yourself
The kind of love that teaches you
To love yourself as much as
the other person loves you
The kind of love that follows you
Into the darkest corners and
the deepest abysses
The kind of love
That could never be replaced
An unconditional love
that makes you truly understand
For the one person that has taught me to love. I love you.
I let go of the memories we're supposed to keep
Knowing they hold more sentiment than I like
Because one day I could be just sitting at home
When suddenly I hear a song that reminds me of you
And then the rest of the memories flood in
Without any warning I'll start to reminisce
About what could have been
That are now just old memories
I hate that I can't forget you
There are many ways to deal with anxiety
A lot of people fidget with their hands
Bounce their legs up and down
Chew a lot of gum
Stay in the solitude of their own room
Bite their hair or nails
While there's me
I used you to ease my anxiety
You were my nervous tick
Going to you was the easiest thing I could have done
Because you made me so calm
Now I wish you never left
I have separation anxiety now because of you
I dream of you in secret
Not because I'm ashamed
But because we aren't how we used to be
So I dream of the you that I knew
The you that made my head spin
Whenever our hands touched
Or my stomach flutter
When you said my name
I dream of you
In hopes you'll return back home
You make me stay awake at night
It's a strange feeling
When you lose someone
Whether they die or walk away
It's all part of the same heartbreak
I'm losing too many people and I don't know how much more I can take