I have been lost since;
since he left me;
left me for her.
it has felt like forever...
a time well waited.
My thoughts lost almost every midnight, thoughts wonder into throughts never spoken.
Their happiness is a thieves form my depression.
It feeds off my sorrows.
until it takes the last of me.

You, my sister,
are the one friend
who has known me
all my life
and
I've known you most of yours
less
three years before I came to be
and
a few for which
I have no memory

I wish
I could recall

when I was new
did you lift me?
or stroke
my forehead?
did you sing
to me?

did you gaze
at tiny feet
and
hands
in wonder
and
amazement?

were we pals
even then?
even before my eyes
could focus
on your face
to see you
to know you?

did our spirits
know each other
and
bond in some mysterious way?
planning even then
their escapades
of
running
bare-chested, barefooted
in blazing summer sun
circling our tree
so "far" from home?
our adventures

did they see
the time ahead
when the fog would come
and
confuse?
when we'd each
be alone to struggle
with who we are?

did they know
we'd find our way
back again
never completely losing sight
of our special bond?
a bond temporarily
blurred by life
by grown up sorrows
deaths
separations

grim details
of life

like a broken branch
on a tree that hangs
by not more
than a thread
hangs on through
all the storms
clinging with all
its energy

finally
growing anew
connecting fully

better
than before

She was like the sky,
A scheduled light with the blessed glow from the sun
A huge change, one that showed me darkness can come from light
Like how day can become night

She was like the sky,
A clear blue of sadness and sorrow
They focused on the flaws that clouded her beauty,
But I noticed the millions of stars that shone within her

She was like the sky,
Everyone wants to be the master of the heavens
But she was heaven herself
She was a sky full of so much hope

She was like the sky,
They hated seeing her constantly shine,
Constantly reflect her happy light,
They loved it when she shed,
They took her tears for fulfilling rain,
They prayed for her to cry, to stop all the shine
In order to supply for their desires and pride

She was like the sky,
And now she's more like an endless stream.

I never meant to hurt you
With words poured from my heart
I am scared my careless thoughts
Will drive you to depart

My poetry brings pain to your eyes
All I want to see there is joy
The world hidden deep inside my head
Is a home you do not enjoy

You have no way of knowing
Which parts are pretty lines
And which are ugly truths
How can you with no signs?

Some places the exaggerations
And honest feelings overlap
Then split apart and scatter
To the four corners of this paper map

When my brain gets filled to the brim
The ideas begin to overflow
Start leaping out onto blank pages
No other dwelling exists where they can go

I write to lift the heavy weights
Of resentment and hurt bearing down
It seems unfair that in doing so
I also curse your face with a frown

I am sorry for causing you pain
Wrapping your mind in unease
It was never my intention
To force your peace to cease

I apologize, but can't say I will change
That is a promise I am too weak to keep
It kills my heart but I need to release
Sorrows though they cut your soul deep

I wish I wasn't still in love
With the person I believed you were
I wish I remembered our time
Clearly instead of merged into a blur

I wish I could happen upon
A picture of us without feeling sick
I wish I was able to outrun
My pain, I tried, but it's too quick

I wish I was capable of
Saying your name without tears leaking out
I wish I had some control over
The honest chaotic words I spout

I wish I was better at apologies
I am sorry for causing you pain
I wish I was worse at forgiveness
My trust is too easy to regain

I wish I didn't miss your touch
And the way you hugged me
I wish I was able to talk
About us without saying "we"

I wish I was able to forget
How your face looks when your heart is sore
I wish I could listen to our song
And not crumble to bits on the floor

I wish I would have deleted your texts
So I would not reread them all day
I wish I had a magic wand
To turn our skies blue instead of grey

I wish I didn't fake a smile
In every picture I post
I wish I was brave enough
To exorcise your stubborn ghost

I wish I could escape the ropes
Of silence wrapped around my heart
I wish I wouldn't of bared my
Whole soul when you shared only a part

I wish I didn't see your image
In my mind each time I close my eyes
I wish I could forget the feeling
Of your fingertips dancing on my thighs

I wish I dreamed of something else
Besides your smile every night
I wish I could bury my hurt
Deep below the surface; out of sight

I wish I was an important enough
reason for you to change
I wish I could spin you like a
Rubiks Cube until you rearrange

I wish I had an easier time
Dragging this body out of bed every day
I wish I didn't want to hide
Under covers and waste away

I wish I could make the sun shine
And light up my life once more
I wish I wasn't too delicate
To speak openly like before

I wish I still felt beautiful
The way I did when you stared at me
I wish I would have stopped handing you chances
After number 93

I wish I possessed the strength
To push myself off my knees
I wish I had the perfect plan
To save you from your deserved disease

I wish I lived in the present
Instead I am always stuck in the past
I wish I could slow down time
I'm powerless; it flies by too fast

I wish I could leave you behind
Move on, let go of this sunken ship
I wish I didn't let you drive
Each time we went on a guilt trip

I wish I could predict the future
What our outcome will be
I wish I had the ability
To write the ending to this story

I wish I lived somewhere new
So I wouldn't see your mom around
I wish I could ask how you are
And look anywhere else but the ground

I wish I could put my heart
Back together in one piece
I wish I was strong enough
To force these wants and needs to cease

I wish I hated you for putting
Me through all seven layers of Hell
I wish I didn't miss your kiss
The heaven I once thought I knew so well

I wish I was a heartless corpse
Incapable of love or emotion
I wish I would have my breath taken
Sorrows are waves and I drown in this ocean

Lie with me
on this ancient
ground and keep
me warm with
your lies about
a better tomorrow
where sorrows
die with the
remnants of my
common sense

(whence empty nest syndrome gnawed emotionally raw,
the tender sore gum chafing absence of lovely lasses –
on the straight and true – heading toward a horizon of their own chew zing.

That contractual obligation tubby selfless no longer applicable.

Stillness brings roaring back the routine activities, that seemed
to distort time by plodding along, until one day aye awake
to soundless of young girls mirth.

Because this papa doth love each offspring, the irony of parenthood
warrants forsaking being a vigilante.

They must needs go outward and upward, and such difficult
parting pained particularly poignant part and parcel of the role
of dutiful NON GMO gluten free fatherhood.
----------------------------------------------------------------­--
this then december twenty forth,
i felt an inner compunction
how tara became re: born
whereby this pop -
bleary eye lids ready to droop
with his tired bones snapping
and popping like jimmy crack corn
an immediate need to succumb to sleep

found me transfixed
how blessings did add horn
mine attention riveted at the then
early twenty something vanished self of mine

(where oh where did young Matthew Scott Harris go)?
stricken n fore lorn
though the hour well nigh
closing in on six in the morn
whereby the sage within mine psyche

waving a finger - tsk tsk - with mild scorn
for forgoing to bed, yet...
a powerful tsunami like force arose up
when viewing the account of how tara - blank -

became rent asunder and torn
from an terrible accident of fate -
though a miraculous recovery now worn.

an exercise regimen of running plus lifting weights -
perhaps so many reps of a curl
finds me applauding and praising efforts...
so you go girl
and hurl
with all inner strength pell mell into fitness -

testing your limits to the max
whether across busy urban streets or...
where landscape offers open space with pearl
jam skies - in outlying less populated tracts -
giving freedom 2 dance n twirl.

ye r so lucky tubby alive
cuz immediate family, friends, relatives
and now...this stranger gives u high five
without asking anything in return -
since inspiration courses thru me

inducing thyself 2 strive
and/ or if when fate decrees,
thee will make an awesome counterpart
who this older papa bloke would envy
as ye possess inxs of strength to re:vive.
----------------------------------
blessing for sound health ™

upon waking every morning I offer silent benediction
for the ability to revel with full faculty of this aging body
still going strong where ability enjoying simple pleasures
available thru ****** senses plus cavorting via memories
with daughters in my nonsensical mien worth more than
money can buy, yet of course if I did happen to be a lucky
lottery winner that could definitely relief anxiety and allow
me to breathe easy yet could never do justice pitted against
sear ring roe buck body, mind and spirit triage.

This rain
Washes my pain
Cools my head
Hydrates my brain
Dilutes my tears
And drains my fears
We no longer together
It's been many years
Suddenly he shows up
With his coffee cup
And my scars open
To bleed with sorrow
As if there's no tomorrow
I walked away unrecognized
In the rain, I disguised
He followed to apologize
But I failed to recognise
This rain helped me
To let go of my past
From where it all began
Time just went too fast*

©sim