let's lose sleep
thinking about how hungry we are, craving for each other,
hands rushing towards each other like waves,
greedily filling each other's void, fingers intertwined.

let's lose sleep over
thinking about the endless possibilities,
the world, even; almost anything, really,
as we lay there, the silence engulfing us.

let's lose sleep over
feeling the cold breeze of the night,
a tint of alcohol and blush on your rose dusted cheeks,
as we struggle to feel each other's warmth and heat.

let's lose sleep over
the fact that
this will only happen
in my dreams.

Its not the ideal definition.
Its however all I can think of now.
Your soft touch, almost cold, almost too soft.....
Its the kind you think you imagined, but you know you didn't.

How are you?
I'm not fine..... I didn't see you all day.....

The love of my life is from....
I look at you and smile.....
you are smiling too.... with your eyes too.....

It reminds me of one of our first conversations
It makes me realize you were listening.

Hello, my name is Brenda.
I want to say......

I want to stop the staring that never says anything
I know you are looking
I know because I cant stop looking too

Hello......
I want to know you like me.

Today autumn arrived
I watched it creep into my room
through an open window

In my bones a familiar feeling thrived
I watched the leafs fall around noon
from the trees below

Coldness came to greet me anew
a comfort of sorts
and I felt so very calm

Warmth came to meet me too
the rooms of one's own turn into charming resorts
candles, tea and a blanket become a weary soul's balm

With it came nostalgia
it slowly made its way under my skin
while colors change the outside

Do you know of this certain cardialgia
your heart is heavy but light but also filled to the brim
while memories of distant winters reach far and wide

Welcome my chilling beloved
my cold season of frozen solid dreams
I was eagerly waiting for your return

For you I ready my coat, already half gloved
I give myself to you by all means
and underneath my halcyon flesh I will quietly yearn

maybe it's there, in the crevice of his hard heart, that he heard the soft echo of light.

maybe, if the wound really is where the light enters you, it's in the heavy handed claps or in that gruff way men tell their sons, when it seems like the right thing to do, that they love them,

and then it's gone,

vanished into the cold nothingness, behind

rough hands and hearty laughter and the slow descending numbness of duty and honor and being a man.

it's faded, worn over, rusted old coppers,
until there comes along a boy who'll tuck the rough love away, who won't stand startled but rather perplexed,

who'll keep it boxed safe like pressed flowers between thin brown paper.

and then maybe, maybe that sweet boy will spread a few more, until his love is no longer a coarse and dying brittle sea air but nourishing, sustaining,

and maybe then he can start over.

i've written this poem a thousand times
and it's never the same
but it's always about you