it's hard to keep going
when i could just keep sleeping

i hate it when i have to sleep without you
but i can't tell you that
because i know that you do not feel the same  
you do not miss my skin as your blanket
as i do yours
nor my chest as your pillow
yet you are my favorite pillow
i miss when i can't see your face the moment that i awake
it always gives me the best start to my day
i know that you will awake and start your day just the same
with or without my bleary eyes and sleepy face

i hate it when i have to sleep without you
because of all these tiny things
but i can't tell you that, no ...
i can't

I searched hidden paths
in the dark forest for you,
cut my heart on thorns
wound around your sleeping soul,
but you, my love, never wake.

This sword is heavy
in my trembling hands, they ache
to let go as I
fight my fears, turn to face
the dragon you hide inside.

In the night I go to places  
my day self fears to tread,
Where secret aches and longings claim
their space inside my head.

Too easily I lose the fight  
Give up my self control,
Yield reason, faith and innocence
to yearnings of my soul.

In the night I steal past conscience  
to find my terror tree,
Pick a poisonous fruit that tastes
like life and death to me.

My closed eyes are forced to take in    
all that I fear to see,
I’m drowning, bleeding, burning the
frail bones of inner me.

The spell breaks when I awaken
fractured or still the same,
My mind revealing or hiding
what I can’t bear to name.

today
i am laying in bed
enveloped in my blue comforter
keeping company
with my bittersweet nostalgia

today
last year
you were eighteen
i was in love

birthday gifts consisting of
shy smiles and secret touches,
i wrapped my hand around yours
like a ribbon bow, and when you
blew out the candles, i wondered what
you were wishing for

today
last year
i was wishing for a future together

today
i am sleeping alone.

As I look down on you sleeping
Silent, peaceful, features fine
I have to ask this question
Are you really, truly, mine?
I can't believe we're partners
That we've been together all this time
But you know I have to ask you
Are you really truly mine?
My life is full of wonders
Full of troubles and of strife
But I must have hit the jackpot
To have you to be my wife
There's nights I wake up early
Just to check that you're still there
I have to see and touch you
Just to let you know I care
As I look down on you sleeping
Silent, peaceful, features fine
I have to ask this question
Are you really, truly, mine?
I can't believe we're partners
That we've been together all this time
But you know I have to ask you
Are you really truly mine?
I never knew I'd be so lucky
To find a person just like you
Who would love and stand beside me
No matter what I do
With you I just feel stronger
I am proud to be your spouse
For you make me so much better
Your the foundation to my house
As I look down on you sleeping
Silent, peaceful, features fine
I have to ask this question
Are you really, truly, mine?
I can't believe we're partners
That we've been together all this time
But you know I have to ask you
Are you really truly mine?
I don't know how I lived without you
you're what make my spirit whole
To make you proud each day is
My one and only goal
When I am out beside you
My heart just fills with pride
For I know that I am stronger
With you right by my side
Now as I lay beside you
And I listen to your snores
I'm glad that I am with you
And that I'm truly yours.

Waking up is hard,
But going to sleep is harder.
We don't like to fall asleep,
But if we do,
We love to.

Not eating is hard,
But eating is harder,
We don't like to put on weight,
But if we don't mind it,
We love to.

I wish I was still knocked
out
Having ****** up dreams
about
Talking curtains, purple fields and
murk
But the pills no longer
work
My body is way too
used
So resistant I can't even
snooze
Oh how I miss those
days
When I was lost in the
haze
The hallucinations reduced the
pain
The insomnia drives me
insane
Valiums and ***** has no
effect
It used to make me feel
perfect
Tonight when I go to
bed
With too many thoughts in my
head
I will swallow you
anyway
I will hope and I will
pray
That maybe this time I can
sleep
Until my alarm starts to
beep
Dear Stilnoct, this is my
plee
Knock me out and save
me