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ren Dec 2018
to another sleepless night,
i whisper ever so duly,
returning back to my tossing and turning.
the night is lonesome and quiet sinister
in my eyes at least
but to others,
the night is beautiful and tranquil,
for they can sleep
as i struggle to close my eyes.
the night was once precious to me,
i had always waited for it to come
but now the darkness suffocates me,
the silence plays back all the memories
and their full of regret
or something i wish to never feel again.
when i manage to close my eyes,
i appear in even more darkness than before
and it swallows me–
for it is my thoughts,
they won’t stop
and i feel as if my head is spinning,
my heart were racing,
my breathing beginning to become uneven.
the night is what i fear,
it is when no one is here
when no one can hear my cries
or if i were to die.
it is inevitable,
something i can never escape
and even with knowing this,
the night i will forever fear.
Tori Jones Dec 2018
You call me shy
And mock my every move
You make me fight
Just to prove myself to you...
Thoughts

You tell me lies
And trap me inside
You make me cry
Leaving me sleep deprived...
Isolation

You tell me I'm not wanted
And pierce my flesh with your impurities
Until I've gone too far
Killing me along with my insecurities...
Depression

You make my heart beat fast
Whenever someone walks past
You make me feel
Like everyone's judging me...
Anxiety

You remind me of everything I've done
Telling me I'll never be good enough
That I'll never be loved
Because I've done too much...
Regret

You lock me to the ground
Placing chains all around
You make me want to hide
From the world outside...
Fear

You take everything from me
Leaving me broken and hopeless
You drain my energy
And leave me restless
You make me nervous and anxious
Over absolutely nothing
You let me feel nothing but pain and suffering...
Life
Sienna Dec 2018
Adrenaline pumping into my heart
False hallucinations in the dark
Dread and haunt fills the air
What is that over there?
Half asleep, I can't stay awake
My eyes should've for my sake
My dreams take me by the hand
And throw me into a horrific land
The fear built on possibilities
And instilled in realities
Sleep paralysis joins in too
I'd rather be sleep deprived completely, wouldn't you?
BeautyinChaos Feb 2018
My phone battery lasts longer without your name popping up
But I can barely make it 3 hours without begging for a moment to recharge
It's a painful reminder that something so beautiful had to end
Leaving a void on the screen that once blinked and shone bright

It takes me twenty times longer to get things done
My mind will drag me off to a corner and replay videos of playful feet touching under a dinner table
And secret looks shared between passionate eyes

My stuffed animals miss you
That's what they tell me since I have no one to hold at night but them
They whisper and caress my hair until I fall asleep
Or was that another dream of what we should have had

You lied to me
Stop trying to redeem yourself, or justify the facade
I gave you more than three chances to tell me the truth
And it broke my heart that you never once did

I know its easier for you to blame me
So I said I didn't love you like I used to. I spared you the pain that you put me through
but you truly dug the knife in my love

I don't know how to be happy in this eerie place called loneliness
The sun was blocked out along with your laugh and the freckles that painted your cheeks
How does one become happy again, happy when you're all alone

I love you
But you'll never hear those words again because you broke my trust
You broke my heart
And you broke me
I hope that I can face you again one day
But these are the Things I'll Never Say
Iqra Sheikh May 2017
It was the door, it was my mind.
My heart is bounding, my voice became blinding.
My jaw is the numbest
No one, not even the rain could've heard me.
Could I have even spoken to myself?
I tried, I tried, I swear I tried.
My voice was not loud enough.
I became aimless.
All I hear is the silence, it is so loud and eager.
My ears tingle with static, my tongue hides in fear.
The shutting of my eyes hurt, it's almost unbelievable how awake I was.
I can not close my eyes
Deisphorios Jun 2016
Physically, I am alone.

During the day,
My father,
mother,
and brother,
all work.

While I am still young,
without a car or a job;
unable to leave the house.

The days feel long,
Paranoia makes it impossible to sleep in,
As it makes it impossible to fall asleep.
“Summer is the perfect time to regulate your sleep schedule!”
That's not what's happening, as much as I may wish.

During the day,
I will draw,
I will write,
I will play music on the stereo so loud that it could be heard from outside,
Just to keep my thoughts from going astray.

It’s no better when my parents get home either,
I still end up avoiding them.
I've never had a close connection with them anyways.

. . .

Mentally, I feel alone.

My parents have never understood me,
Nor have they ever tried.
I know my brother cares,
But I’ve realized that he doesn’t understand either.
I know that my friends care,
And I'm sure that a few of them understand too.
But when they ask me what's wrong...

I have nothing to say.

Maybe there are so many things going wrong that I don't know what to say.

Maybe there is absolutely nothing...

    *Maybe I'm fine...
                                                         ­     
                                                                ­                   Maybe I'm hiding it all...

I feel I'll never truly know,
Maybe I'll even believe in my own lies so much,
that they end up becoming truths.

So...
I'll stay alone,
I honestly don't mind.

It's never bothered me,
I've always been this way,
It's just another year this way.

Loneliness is not always a bad thing,
I feel fine by myself,
Away from others with no expectations.

*I enjoy being alone;
As much as it breaks me down.
c Ashrah
another rant i suppose. that's all this is.
that's all these ever are.
i should really try to branch out one of these days...
and i have many, good friends..
but these thoughts have never left
i thought, maybe if i wrote them down, it would make my thoughts quieter.
Viji Suresh May 2016
Insomnia: a rejection of a proposition between eyes and brain,  if otherwise may have ended up curled in bed sleeping together.
Vista Apr 2016
23w
it's 4 am and i'm still up
in the city of the half-dead
alone with my racing thoughts
insomniac nights are the best
I'm pretty sure I posted this last night.
give me that meaningless *******
sweet nothing nonsense
sonneting on & off & on again.  
everyday, all day
we were softer shades of comet spitting stars across the cosmos

I feel awful about feeling awful this morning. we were alone together in the dark
lost for the most part.

the sound of lights                
of day & of night inspire me
& I'd like to try to fly even though I'm
really really tired
&I; know I'd end up this
amorphous red inkblot
of blood & chunks of flesh
on the sidewalk.

just an absolute mess.

the fever broke then settled in &
I went the way
of the sugar rush instead.

I like you to death.
Just kidding.
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