I know it hurts to be alone,
wishing you had somebody
to call on the phone,
wondering if you missed out
on love in the past,
praying to God, doubting,
counting the times you've asked,
seems everybody's boo'ed up,
and youre silently mad sigh,
deny your pride and show a lil more thigh,
a little more chest and birds flock to your nest,
for a one night stand.
empty *** leaves you empty
and you can't understand...
Blind from teary eyes,
but you "got needs" so you "take what you can find"...
self-esteem gone, God sending texts,
conscience constantly calling but you don't even check.
Take another swig, **** another choke,
drag from the cig, slowly dying from the smoke

and all this really is, is you trying to cope,
with loneliness like a rope tied tight around your throat.

I know your heart is broke, some advice id like to give, why indulge in what could **** you when God died so you could live...

It's not about religion, it's knowing you're forgiven, that you're totally loved, no matter what you've done.

that there's a living God who sees you when you cry and if you believe in His promise, You'll never die, pain may last for a night, but hold on, Jesus is someone we can rely on.

I don't want to be alone anymore
I need someone to share with my dreams
someone who can see my invisible tears
one who'll hold my sweaty palms when am shaken
and drowning in volatile oceans of fears
Someone to remind me that hard times do not
mean by the world am forsaken
I need someone who'll hear my silent screams
who'll understand my emotions to the core
to remind me to stop on the second beer bottle
they say the moment's a picture so I need someone in my photo
someone to cheer my cause, as I can always lift the load
thrown at me by karma, I need someone to listen
to help me find every piece to my heart that's missing
I need a friend beyond the lines of proverbial friendship
for now I believe I can manage romantic kinship.
It doesn't have to be a fairy tale, 'long as it's a tale that's fair
all I crave is someone who'll try to always be here
You don't need to be perfect or as sleek as the dawn
I just want someone too... to call my own.*
Am free falling from the sky of desolation
and hoping yours are the arms that will catch me
because I want you to be in my future, my definition.

-I notice I'm a single singularity destined to be single with some regularity
-what? well when broken down I'm not one to be broken down for your reality
-why? I'm a single Hispanic male that notes your wrinkled pale panic rather easily
-how? I'm not one to kiss and tell but your windows have a tell; ever so slightly
-when? when you fail to comprehend that all the stories that we said aligned so naturally
-where? in the only place that matter most but ignored for someone less otherworldly

september 2016
four-and-a-half months of almost nothing besides the comforting grey fleece of yours that I ashamedly clung onto, foolishly thinking that would freeze everything between us that once was.
now I can't help but feel stupid when I look back that I missed the signs I was just playing your next victim.
**** it, it just felt nice to have someone who cared and you barely had to put any effort in but it was enough to keep me radiating with happiness.
and now I am sure that it is merely the idea of you that haunts me almost five months later, because the presence of present you sure as hell isn't the same version of the you that's stuck in my head.
you know that I wanted you and to do you good at that, but of course you had to push me away because who has time to care let alone be cared about?
ha, caring
not a thing about how it used to be makes sense in the now, but I know I'm just wasting my thoughts away thinking about that.
you're still playing this game though and I wish you would stop.
I'm playing this game back but we both know I don't stand a chance.
a simple "What are you doing" and "Come over?" and BAM, I'm all yours.
except, just this last time something was real different that I don't think I'm going to be able to shake.
ran around for an hour in the rain trying to meet up with you as I still didn't want to let you down despite all of your *******.
when my teeth- chattering, soaked from head-to toe self finally made it to you and laid beside you in bed, it felt just like old times for a split second or two.
it was then that I reminded you that I still had your hoodie.
you barely remembered that I still had it and acted as though you couldn't even remember why you let me borrow it in the first place.

december 2016**
**** it, another 3 months came and went and i never built up the nerve to throw your hoodie back at you and walk out of your life.
every time i went to do so you crept back in as though you had missed me, i knew better that you hadn't but i wanted so badly to believe it.
i don't understand why i can't shake the good times we've shared in the past and why i just can't seem to move on.
back in september i couldn't even sleep next to you because i barely recognized the version of you lying next to me. guilt consumed my entire being and i had to get up and leave your embrace. lying alone in my own bed had never seemed more appealing in my life. with that thought, i left your side at 5 am that crisp September morning and ran across town to my apartment and vowed to never put myself in that predicament again. that predicament, of course, being your faux caring embrace, your toxic kisses, and your complete naivety. i like to tell myself that you are just naive to how much hurt you have truly caused me, because otherwise some of what you have done (if intentional) should be a **** crime. it ***** feeling as though i am not enough for you, i don't know why i care but that's all i've wanted to be. as the weather got colder, i got weaker. although i promised to give you up, i still wanted you near me. after a few too many drinks, i seem to continue to become a mere thought in your mind. stupid me, i seem to always get this confused as you actually giving a flying **** about me. if i said that i want more than anything to leave you in the past, i'd unfortunately be lying to myself. i know this needs to be done, but all i can hope for now is that sooner rather than later- the flicker of hope that i still have extinguishes itself.

to be continued.........

Your kisses
are snowflakes
that fall on my skin
like delicate lace
and slowly melt
as my passion
heats
for
more

What could be more romantic
than the rain?
It whispers words of love
I longed to yearn.
Out-pours noises
secluding me away from time.
Runs these tingling sensations
like a lover on my side.

Whilst I grabbed
a cup of coffee,
I could travel my words
like music.
With every droplets,
the rain calls my name.
Sayin' love my dear
isn't made for free.

They're gone
She was crying this morning
It's like an apocalypse of love
Doesn't seem to be much hope

Then how can you still be here
In my peripheral vision
How are we expected to last
If no one else could