I don't want to feel better.
If I could feel better then life would be beautiful.
But I don't deserve beauty,
Or love,
Or glory.
I lost the love of my father,
Watching it crumble away into nothingness,
And pleading "please don't go."

I'd give anything to miss you one last time.
If I could miss you then existing would be painless.
But I deserve pain,
And hate,
And suffering.
I lost the love of my mother,
Watching it melt between my frail fingers,
And screaming "please don't leave."

I don't want to feel better.
If I could feel better then life would have no meaning.
I don't deserve meaning,
Or words,
Or tears.
I lost the love of myself,
Watching it shatter into a million pieces,
And whispering "please, just go."

Shatter the mental snares that claim your mind solemnly,
Break free from the cycle of repetition that endlessly subjects you to karmic toil,
Cleanse your aura of sin to bask in radiance as your soul shines purely,
You are an essence from beyond.

I am glass

I’m sturdy
shiny
beautiful
till I crack
Then I shatter

don’t be fooled though
For even when I’m shattered
I’m still strong enough to hurt you
For when I shatter is when you bleed

So don’t push me

Or I might just crack

It is heavy—
the burden you carry.
Suffocating—
inside, you’re aching.
Will decreases—
you’re ready to shatter to pieces.

Yet, there’s fire.
Your eyes blaze with anger, desire.
Feel it burning—
all its power, deep, twisting and turning.
Let it out, then—
and escape from the weight of the burden.

Don't fall in love and your heart will thank you
when it doesn't shatter and break into
          two,
                        three,
                                          a thousand parts.

Two years ago today
Was our one month anniversary
Your father wouldn't let me come over
He never did approve of us.

Two years ago today
I loved you too much
I liked the feeling too much
I hated life too much

Two years ago today
I was surrounded by
Six half-full bottles of
Cymbalta.

Two years ago today
I emptied those pills
Into my heart and they
Infected my soul.

Two years ago today
I had a seizure in my bed
And lost all memory
Of the week leading up to it.

Two years ago today
I was rushed to the hospital
Lay shaking in the bed
Unable to lift my head.

Two years ago today
You visited me, eyes filled with
Something I'd never seen in them:
Dread.

Two years ago today
You climbed into my bed and
Held me like you thought
I would shatter.

Two years ago today
Was the very last day
I would ever have
You.

you might be wondering why it happened.
why they did this to you.
and they might even tell you it was a mistake.
they might even tell you they’re sorry.
they might even beg for a second chance.
but remember.
always remember.
that at that very moment.
they knew how much it was going to hurt you.
they knew how much it was going to shatter
your world and turn it on its head.
they know how empty and how hard it was
going to be on you.
and still, they chose to hurt you.
and still, they chose the other side.
they disrespected you.
and they took you for granted.
and please believe that, that was not a mistake.
that, that wasn’t an accident.
because during that moment they knew.
and that’s all you have to wonder about.
they knew.
and they weren’t sorry.
and during that time, they didn’t choose you.

You shatter the windows
and hold your hands
under the falling pieces
of my cracked heart.

How does it feel to feel
the millions of fragments
from every unlike window
of the once glowed heart.

How does it feel to feel
the pieces glowing now
to look at the reflection
of past, present and love.