Actions don't dictate my behavior
let me latch onto the next bottle
sitting across my vision
settled, calm

Let me drink and word *****
on your shoes
leaving a stench that will remind
you of the hazy days
spent, boozed up

Let me smoke till my lungs
beg for a molecule of oxygen
to freshen it's dank corners

Let me wobble on the sidewalk
reminding my feet which one goes first
let me sway, cursing whatever
injected my heart with a dose
of forbidden feelings

Leave my vision of tomorrow
the same, swallow the the changes
like an unwanted gag
drown it with that burning liquid

Let me be, as if the next encounter
is just seconds away
let me
be

new house
new view
new neighbors
new faces
but, the same me
nothings new about me
new roads
new twists and turns
but
i'm still the same

Where did they go?
Little girls,
They grew up and became clones.

4/4/16

I used to think I was different
special
weird
but I'm not
I read and paint
I sew and write poetry
I look after little kids
and I love
I'm a gay 15 year old with a girlfriend
I watch anime and read fanfic
I roleplay and cosplay
but so do my friends I am just like them
I'm not different
I am a cookie cutter
just like everybody else
and after telling myself I was weird for 15 years
its hard to be normal
I don't know what to do
I want to be different
but I'm not

We all look the
Same
When all the lights are
Out --
Headline -- evidence --
"Two Big Dark Looking Men" --
Objection --
Why Big?
Dark?
Men?
Overruled --
We all take on
Difference
When all the lights are
Out.

He's still new.
Sipping on the same soda from the same restaurant after two years
Wearing the same shirt, same colors, same car. Two years later.
He has a new job-- new watch.
But the same haircut.
The same drunken goodnight kiss on the same mattress we've slept on after going to all of the same bars.
Paying with the same credit card, ordering the same food.
Falling asleep the same way.
But after two years
Every good morning feels so new, every good night so wonderful
And he still looks at me like I'm brand new every time.

Here I am on this hamster wheel, I'm running so fast and getting nowhere
Going round and round, like a ******* nightmare
I'm starting to choke on all this despair

Every day is exactly the same
No wonder I'm not sane
Over and over I go again
This is so very far from zen

Any day I'm not hard to find
I'm just here amongst the grind
Forever running this rat race
Everyday it's always in my face

Running, and running on my wheel
Until one day over I just keel
Yes every day you'll find me here
Running on my hamster wheel

Here I am again standing in the gray
Lost in the sway
Lost in the fray
At times standing in my own way

When everything around you doesn't matter
People's voices become just chatter
It couldn't get much sadder
I've been lost in the scatter

Yet somethings remain the same
My soul is still aflame
With all that's insain
Nothing left to reclaim

Even though the winds of time have changed
I'm still here to the past chained
The smile that plays about on my face is constrained
As catastroph and sorrow on my head rained