I tell myself that this is it,
when the day is done.
When I wake I'll start anew,
but tomorrow never comes.

Tomorrow becomes today
more quickly than the last,
more quickly than the bottles empty
more weeks and months go past.

I buy the drink, the drink buys me
another day to run.
The demons waiting patiently
for when the day is done.

Tomorrow becomes today;
I waste it like before,
I waste it getting wasted,
but I'm wasting so much more

My friends, my health, my family
and those I cherish most;
watch the boy they used to love,
becoming just a ghost.

Tomorrow becomes today,
I may have missed it all,
I may have missed the last chance
just to never miss last call

I tell myself that this is it
when the day is done,
but the circle remains unbroken
and tomorrow never comes.

This time of year, I often hear of new beginnings
A slate wiped clean, a "do over"
All mistakes forgiven and all debts pardoned
But no wrong is right without effort
Effort is futile without a plan
And a plan is not justified without practice
This time of the year I reflect on my preparation
This time of year I reflect on my presentation
This time of the year I don't wipe my slate clean
I look for the catalyst of the mess I've made
Because this isn't a new beginning
It's a continued effort, to one day, get it right

We celebrate annually a time of new.
Like time itself is a new concept.
Millions of people celebrating one moment
to hold the rest in our sweet memories
As if this one party could capture life's wrath
and life's breath in one glimpse.
Why celebrate now?
When every gasp of breath
is a feat in itself worthy of kings.
When time ticks every other precious moment
we mope around and wait till time ends
for us to spill out our gratitude for what was.
In the end of time, we list what we could fix about the past
when the past has gone into the void of the nothing.
I challenge you to a new resolution,
a revolution of tradition
worthy of breaking.
Embrace each hour
each minute and second
with the same exuberance
as the first, the middle, and last
like no other moment before.
With all the moments you breath;
as the sun rises and sets
and loved ones descend into the darkness.
Do not wait till next year.
Party like no other celebration ever to come,
for no celebration is inevitable.

i'm baffled by his kindness and patience,
realizing with each compassionate smile he sends my way
that i'm really bad at being a buddhist

i'm hyperventilating in my car,
and it's pouring outside,
and i can't drive home like this

his duvet calls my name,
and i get eyeliner all over his pillow case,
and all he does is stroke my tangled hair

i tell him to date other people,
i try to set him up with my friends,
and i know i'm confusing him
but i need to back track

we don't talk about the messes i leave behind
i don't let our fingers lock
i break the stare if it feels too long

he meets someone else,
and it hurts
because it's the first and last thing i wanted

i don't reach out again,
but when we see each other,
his arms are still open,
just like his mind and heart
they always have been

she's grabbing her coat from inside,
and i don't take a step closer

he meets me more than halfway

he knows
some people push you away with hands that say
please don't go
*please don't go

On the coming new year,  I won't make resolutions
No more promises that don't happen because of hesitation
No more plans that need too much time and attention
For resolutions are just a cause of failure and depression

This new year,  I will just dress the way I always do
Enjoy the company of the precious people like you
Accept that some things may go though some stay and stick like glue
Some questions can be answered but you needed a clue

I won't make promises that could cloud my day
Like what others do to me when on new year they go away

This year:*

(for those with brave hearts)
I hope you find the strength to make your choices and fight for the life that you want.
I hope you look up from all your hard work and realize how much you've grown.
I hope you find yourself saved sometimes.
I hope you find time to get lost, in your head, in the wilderness, to explore forests, and gaze into rivers.
I hope you find your best self looking back at you. I hope you know you're always growing.
I hope you feel challenged.
I hope you never stop believing in the view from the top of the mountain.
I hope you get there. I hope you find it was worth it.

(for the softhearted)
I hope you find more time to laugh.
With your friends, at yourself, or at the world for ever thinking it could hurt you.
I hope you can take the pain and say "thank you."
i hope you realize it has only made you all the more good, all the more beautiful.
I hope you start looking less at the mirror, start believing more in who you are in other people's eyes, what you know you are in your heart.
I hope life gets sweeter, hope you wake up with your head in the clouds, your soul flying.
I hope you finally find what you're looking for.
I hope you find yourself smiling.

(for those with big hearts)
i hope you realize how important you are, how you make people feel appreciated and loved.
i hope you realize that the world wouldn't be the same if you weren't trying so hard to make it a better place.
i hope the world tucks you into bed, proud of its little soldier.
i hope you appreciate yourself for your efforts.
i hope you never get tired of being a champion of the things people say no longer exist - so much kindness, goodness, love, peace.
i hope that you find fulfillment in the little things because sometimes, that's all we get.
little things like knowing you made someone smile, or that the people you love are doing fine, doing better.
i hope you realize that's all you need.
i hope your heart is proud of itself.
i hope the love that burns in you always keeps you warm.

(for the fainthearted)*
I hope you realize there's so much more to your life than you thought there was.
I hope you find moments that make your breath catch, a million things to marvel at.
I hope life surprises you. I hope you surprise yourself.
I hope you find your horizons expanding, and see that it's not as bad as you thought.
I hope your dreams take you places; I hope you travel paths that you never knew existed, but where you feel you belong.
I hope you discover your longings, what your heart would sing for, what you didn't know you wanted all along.
I hope you get up and chase it.

Her leaving suited her
Better than her arrival,
Her returning
Better than her going.