we had been mopping
the kitchen floor all day
and the dirt never
stopped coming back

and earlier we had sprayed
the entire front porch
down with the garden hose
and now it was still wet
which made it feel as if
it had recently rained when in fact
the grass was a crunchy
brown carpet of regrets.

the night before we had
drunk orange smoothies
laced with lime and something
aged sleek and dark

(i think it must have been
the reason we couldn't
sleep that night
lay awake in my parents bed
and i told you why i
wouldn't go swimming
until the sun rose
the dog barked
the birds screamed
their morning songs
and my body stopped its
nightly spasms of fear.)

and the next evening
we put on a miranda lambert song
(the one we drank to
in your mother's van last winter)
sat on the wet
porch swing
and cracked open
our first beers

they were
really bad
i gagged
because it tasted
like carbonated
banana bread with
too much stale
baking soda
and we poured half of them
into the flower beds

the next morning
was sunday
and we had milk and muffins
in the kitchen with
simon and garfunkel
then went back out to the porch
drank iced coffee in the
eleven o'clock sunlight
and you said
"if this were a normal sunday
i would have been up at six
at church by eight
and done teaching my first
sunday school class by ten."

(is beer as much
of an acquired taste
as coffee is?
because i can't ever
remember not liking it
i used to think it was
bitter but i always
liked it anyway.)

i didn't say anything
because i didn't want to
say what was on the tip
of my tongue
that this kind of sunday
had become my normalcy
and our variety of saturday night
no longer felt like underage
drinking and more like
the way i was meant to be.

Dear reader,

We have lost faith,

If ignorance is bliss,  

is feeling bliss in moments like these, also ignorant?

It is the barrier towards change.

Without fire;

there is  no hone towards retaliation.

Without water;

There is no grievance for what we are losing,

for what we have already lost.



If we have one shred of hope left in this world

it is to rise,

as if we already haven’t become to the invisible shackles,

that make us turn a blind eye,

while keeping us moving on schedule,

so that we don’t witness the truth.

if we haven’t succumbed to the temptation;

We shall accept,

not what we have been told,

or what they want us to believe.

We shall accept our emotions, on the premise that;

Yes we have lost control,

but we will get it back.



The Domino Effect needs to ignite,

like a match to a flame.

With one collective cry of righteousness,

others may view with open eyes,

that will travel past the layer of superficial distraction,

and see the real motive

to what causes such pain in the world.



Dear reader,

Think deeper,

care unconditionally around you,

and try to change what is wrong.

The people who are meant to,

have failed us.

It is up to you to fight against it,

to gain the control that has been taken,

and make it not an illusion but a reality.

To grasp the freedom that is deserved, not just given sparingly.

We shall be a humanity.

We do not speak
Of what happened in the woods.

It was a
Smashing good
Night
Smashing good
Show
Simply
Smashing.

I brandished a golf club
And the remnants of
My self-respect
But didn't we all?

We do not speak
Of what happened in the woods.

Three wine glasses
One mug
Three jars
A house fan
Two buckets
A glass globe
Half a tent
A milk jug
And a lawn chair
Met their demise
At the hands of a string
Of curse words.

I doubt that you could
Break the five of us apart
Now that we've shattered
This glass together.

And I'll start checking off
Those daring
Squares on my
Bucket list.

But we do not speak
No, we never
Ever speak
Of what happened in the woods.

You're about to reach terminal velocity
With the biggest grin on your face
Symbolically giving your dad the ultimate *******.
The only way you know how,
Plummeting to the earth like a raindrop

I mean, after all,
You are the rain.

But there you go
No fear, no anxiety,
Just weightlessness
For a few seconds, maybe more
How should I know,
I've never jumped out of a plane before.

If I know you at all,
You'll be thinking of him the whole way down.
Wish I could be there.
You'll be truly happy, if only for a moment
Because I know,
This is the last way to feel close to him anymore,
To flirt with death,
To peek through the curtains to the underworld,
To try to catch a glimpse, or maybe a shiver,
An impression of his essence, his soul.

You might even judge yourself for humoring such whimsy.
But don't you remember,
Those who shun the whimsy of things
Will experience rigor mortis before death.
So flirt with death if you must.
Do every stupid thing,
But please promise to come back.

Fight.
Purgatory was never meant to be your home.
Escape.
Don't relent when the maze locks you in.
Fight of your demons, love,
In whatever ways you deem necessary.
Live.

Wander back
And flash me that tortured half-grin.

*What do I think of that?
I think it could make the world a better place.

I can't breath, I can't breath!!!
But because I'm big and black they continued to terrorise me
Choking me until I seized to gasp for my final breathe
Now I'm dead
Looking down from the heavens wondering how could this be
How could this be?
So let me get this straight
I died for so called selling illegally
And you would think it was at least **** I was selling
I was selling the american dream of creating
Creating a profit..
To take care of my family
Then they shot me
And I couldn't stop it
I saw death as clear as the time
What is this

And if that's not a crime
Then what is...

I told him I had a gun
Even asked him if I could get my license from my pocket
He said sure why not
But as I proceeded to reach for my pocket he shot me anyways
Now I'm dead
Looking down from the heavens wondering what did I do
What did I do?
Why am I looking at myself stained red
I got pulled over for a taillight but ended up satisfying someone's bloodlust
There wasn't even a fuss
But look at me now
Dead six feet under

And if that's not a crime
Then what is...

Can't you see
They're picking us off one by one
Getting off scott free by saying they feared for their lives
What about our lives
Shouldn't we be the ones panicking behinds our guns
We can't even take a jog down the street without being accused of something
Don't we have rights
Last time I checked we're human too
Not animals who deserves to be stuffed in cages
And poked with sticks like they did back in the ages
So how do we evade this
Better yet...
How are we supposed to survive this
Black lives matter
How many times do we have to say this