Blocked, caged in, suffocating smothered in pain
significant other feeling abandoned while in your presence
in your mental you're going insane
no love lost, because no love gained! thought after thought
living, but stuck in the past
show no emotions-because having emotions is what got you here
Finding a way back to the old you seems a far.
such a long distance from you
you know, the you that smiled alot whose face was once full of light
The you that cared and actually enjoyed caring
Soon those Deep Thoughts will make you realize what it is that you do
you make everyone feel lonely while connected to you.

My hair grows
Like patience
  drying
Baby's-breath
against my will
  behind my back
Past
yesterday's destiny
  Distanced
jungle long
in time for every
  sunrise and sunset.

Just thinking about it,
how simple this specific happiness is.
No obstacles or intricate riddles.
Just being able to look at happiness front and center, as if its an object that can be touched and obtained.
A material that stretches to skin and holds in place.
for a while it seemed beyond recognition; attempting to forwardly search the horizon, no able identification and completely hollow.
Now hands hold.
Many forms can be seen, whether its his, hers, or self.
It stretches miles, a face that can be memorized. Associate it with content things.

However, there are faces that shake the earth completely. Etchings that run deeper than they appear, stabbing pridefully; plunging over and over again with no remorse, even though their battle had nothing to do with it, a battle within themselves.
Thinking about it
and how irrelevant it all is. How ignorance threaded through enough to believe that their actions or acceptance actually meant anything.

See them front and center and feel nothing; association fleeting and less vivid than what used to be seen.
Now the vivid colors lie with what is important.
It took time, to understand its access.
thoughts too clouded to reach; thinking hands couldn't feel anything but emptiness.
Now they reach and feel warmth.

I always thought
to look to the future.
What job do I want?
What job can I survive off of?
Who will I marry?
Will I marry?
Can I find a job that I can enjoy and live off of?
What pet will I have?
How many pets will I have?
WIll I travel?
What type of house will I live in?
My wonderings go on and on.
I became so trapped within my mind
that I forgot to look where I was going.
I forgot to look at what I was doing.
Days passed, then weeks, then months, and years,
and I still have no answer to my questions.
But I do have a lot of scars and hurt.
I get stuck in my mind again,
this time trapped in my memories.
Why did I do that?
Why did I say that?
Why are they gone?
Will I ever see them again?
Why did I hurt them?
Why was I so stupid?
I was trapped.
Always somewhere,
with someone,
but never here.
Never in the moment.
My mind moves a million miles per hour,
never slowing,
never stopping,
never noticing what was right in front of me.
I can barely remember so many things
that I should.
All because I couldn't stop my mind.
Lately, I've begun to realize my mortality.
I've begun to ask the age-old question of,
"What is the meaning of life?"
"Why am I living?"
I've begun to realize that I don't know
how much time I have left.
So why would I trap myself within my memories?
Why would I trap myself withing my wonderings?
I have begun to force my mind
to slow down.
To take it easy.
To live in the moment.
It helps.
It really does.
I now know I am loved.
It is not some made-up fantasy or wondering
made in my mind.
I am wanted.
It is not some longing deep behind my walls.
I am needed.
It is not some hidden guilt somewhere.
I mean something to someone.
I can be someone.
I can make a difference.
I can help.
I can make it.
I can do it.
I can beat my mind.
I can overcome my depression.
But first,
I need to learn to live in the moment.
To not let my life pass me by.
To love and to be loved.
I can do this.
I can make it.
I can live in the moment.

You looked in my soul and saw
who I really was and could be,
So much potential and love to give
You were the one with eyes to see

-that there was strength in my soul
you took what was broken and made it whole
my love amplifies because of you everyday
the beginning of my life didn't take it's toll

-that there was pain in my soul
and you carefully mended and cared
it's been so long since I've been hurt
it's because of you that I've been spared

God sent me an Angel and it is you
After all these years you still hypnotize
I'm so happy to wake up next to you each morn'
And you still look at me with love in your eyes

With careless and wild eyes
you unleashed a big surprise
you didn't love me anymore,
I thought I knew what love was
but surely I didn't 'cause
I wasn't the one that you adored.
My mom cried more than i did
as I was the one that you got rid
leaving permanent emotional burns,
you used me for my looks
grasped in with your hooks
and yet for you I yearned.
You were just a bump in the road
to catch my prince I kissed a toad
I'm so grateful you set me free,
I know you're still alone now
karma works that way somehow
And now I have my own family

i wonder sometimes,
if ill ever be okay,
if this felling of sadness
will ever go away

if my smile would be real
and the gleamer in my eyes will return
if ill ever love myself again

is it too bad to hope for things to get better,
because they say that before the light comes the dark
is it okay to cry a little forever
i wish i knew what has been planed.

so ill hope for the best,
try and keep my hopes high,
fake a smile every day
till it becomes real at last.