We cling and attach to anyone who stabilizes; sway in the wind wistfully high as dandelion seeds carry. We plant ourselves in the ground for survival, but some make the mistake of planting into others. Our survival relies on those we feed on. Dependent and Fastened. My skin adhered to the thick of your heart.
Why do we deem it necessary to grab fistfuls of each others flesh? Our instinct reminds us that we are grains of sand when not connected in tandem with one another. We rather starve than feel alone.
Id rather starve and strain every cell of myself. Breathing seems difficult as your absence weighs heavily on my chest. I cant tell if i'm a lost grain of sand floating along seeding dandelions or if i'm rooted and heaving. Either way seems unbearable without you.
But in your absence, instead of clinging onto flesh, instead of treating myself as adhesive and surviving for the sake of your breath;
Warm sunshine beating on my back. Green vines dancing the width of a tree trunk. Trickling streams fall off mossy rocks, like tiny diamonds, absorbed into the river of glass. Will I shatter the river? Could my body perfectly absorb and flow with the glaceing current? I haven't decided.
Weakly I stumble through my day. awkward. stiff. far from smoothness of solid stone.
My adjustment to you changed everything. I am undone. I spill for you, every inch of me willingly liquefies at your disposal. like an overfilling cup of gasoline, it fuels and ignites the fire. I am no longer material, only an element that blends with you. That is only in your company.
Independence has difficulty becoming its stone form. Why cant I be solid? I stand alone, I tremble. I stand with you, my dependence grows.
But I realize that being without you wont solve anything. Being with you is certainty not the problem.
I was never solid to begin with. And I never plan to become a strong cold statue. but because you and I feel the mutual burn, ignited with every touch and spoken word, I shouldn't have to solidify without you, but through you. The components and elements the same, but more strength in ourselves and each other.
I'm afraid that the spark is dying. thinking about you isn't the same. feeling you isn't what I remember. but loving you has always been constant. I have fallen in, which is what I was once scared of but I'm truly afraid of falling out.
The horizon is laid out like a flat dead line. An end with no push or pull. I don't remember when it used to be this way. Decided. It seemed as if the land could stretch the volume of the sphere it claims to be, like the soft sheet of a bed. Now, all that can be seen by the ***** eye is the invisible aggressive gate, weighing its prisoners trapped. The key thrown in space. How could I attempt to find this key? The action will only be useless. I will only swim through blurry haze , never finding the solid ground I once knew. Decided. The more I fill with unbearable ending, the further the lifeless horizon appears; every last bit of hope disintegrating into star dust. One day the gate will unlock and reveal how far the horizon can go. Dancing fields that fold into mountains. Inspiring sights and dreams glazing your finger tips. But I will stay in my dead end. the horizon will stay decided. my worth will always be questioned.