i get mad sometimes
though i have no right to be

she doesn't notice the way he feels
and i think
does she not see?
that she is the cause
of his pain?

but none of it is her fault
absolutely none

love is not a choice
it would be far easier
to live in a world where feelings were nonexistent
and love wasn't so significant in our lives

but then the question arises

is a world like that
worth living in?

she gets a lover
proclaims her love
screams it at the top of her lungs
glee flooding her eyes
i'm happy for her

but why is it
that as she talks about her lover
i glance over at him
and watch as he smiles a
sad synthetic
smile

am i the only one
who can see his tears
threatening to spill

it's her birthday
i give her my gift and he does the same

but he steps forward with a certain
hesitance
a slight colour to his cheeks
he lets go a second too late
and she flashes a grin
he smiles too

but whilst red spread to the back of his neck
and the tips of his ears
and whilst he heard his heart

stop

she felt nothing but warmth blooming in her chest
for
a
friend

and i watched
while the spring breeze swayed the curtains
and a weak smile played on his lips
her eyes were closed
dark lashes fluttering gently
light snores escaping her mouth

he held her hand in his
and i couldn't help but to wonder
how could a love be so pure?

once you know something it's hard not to notice it
how his gaze seems to linger
how he hugs her as if he never wants to let go
how he stares just a little too long

how behind his smile
and in his eyes
for a fleeting moment
hopelessness
is all
you
see

You watched me grow,
my colors shined like diamonds,
but you forgot about me.

You forgot how fragile I can be,
now I have fallen at your feet,
yet you can’t see me.

My tides break, My shores quake,
and my coral fray
washing away with the waves.

Climate change can be a serious thing,
it’s up to you how it changes.

You think you’re so small?
You think you don’t cause change?
Oh how ignorant you are,
you are too blind to see,
you even effect me.

Just because you can’t see something
doesn’t change if that something is real.
Just because you can’t feel something
doesn’t make it less physical.

You think you are insignificant?
Then look closer at your life,
for even now you’re affecting
your surroundings just by being here.

Is that not the point to living;
to experience and grow with
those experiences?

Well I am serious
we need to make a change.

Our Earth needs us to wake up,
and take notice of what we need to do
to help her to keep growing
and stop life from dying.

We need to make the change
before the climate makes it for us.  

**© 2017 Amanda D Shelton

Don't go so fast
You forget to look at the stars
Again

Just as a heads up to any of you readers it may concern, I'm abandoning both projects in the header. The Drama of Miriam Marcus is something you may see pop up again, either in its original form, or perhaps as an entirely different project.

Dark Spells was a project born out of the recurrence of a common, deep depressive state that finds me time and time again, one you may notice without my saying. While I often romanticize themes of depression, anxiety, paranoia, self-loathing, and self-destruction, I must point out that I do so because I'm bound to these feelings regardless of stagnation, regardless of agitation. I romanticize my illness simply as a means to survive, as a means to still feel fulfilled as a human despite the haunting emptiness.

That said, recent developments in my personal life have unchained me suddenly, and I'm overwhelmed with the need to embrace the misplaced. Concepts like happiness, curiosity, and wonder are once again nearly tangible. As such, a project as thematically troubling as Dark Spells is not currently a possibility.



TL;DR:
Yo thx for reading. ****'s about to get a little lighter, a little softer, a little warmer. I succcc.