I wanted to write you a poem
I wanted it to be sweet and full of light
But catch me alone with pen and some paper
And the vibe is everything but right.

The pen will start to wander,
Just as far as my head allows
And I'm trying to make it loving,
But my creativity doesn't know how.

I can describe the uneasiness,
The back and forth, or even the pain
But ask me for the sweetness
And it just isn't the same.

See when they ask me about love
I answer with words of heartbreak
It's hard to describe a feeling
When it's always been a mistake.

I could write a poem,
I could rhyme some words together
But would it really mean anything
If it was just small talk like the weather?

I wish I knew how to talk about it
Or what I even need to talk about
It's not that I'm avoiding
I just literally don't know how.

Words used to come easy,
I over shared and I was burned
And now I just observe my thoughts
And I swallow all the words.

It's hard to expose myself
I've done enough of that in the past
So I'm quieting the noise
But the silence doesn't last.

I find myself fighting to hang on
Some days it's easier said than done
But I'm answering all the calls
In hopes that you're the one.

I'm spending time alone
But don't think that I am lonely
I'm enjoying my peace
And just waiting for you to come hold me.

I watch the phone all day
I thought it was bad before
But I'm glued to my screen
In hopes I get to hear that voice some more.

I fell in love with the way you made me feel safe.
I fell in love with the way your arms made me feel small.
I fell in love with the way your laugh sounded with mine,
I even fell in love with the sadness, the roughness.. fell in love with it all.

But you don't make me feel safe,
You make me feel on edge.
And im in your arms
But im stuck in my head.

And im swimming in my own sadness now,
Because i can't help but playback our memories,
And even though most were good,
The name calling gets the best of me.

I've always done this thing,
Where i spell words inside my head
And usually at night
Im finding letters to lies that you had said.

Forgiving is easy,
But forgetting I cant.
I wish it were different,
Like what we first had.

I dont want to argue
And i dont want either of us broken hearted,
But sometimes fighting comes naturally
When my little heart is so guarded.

Its hard to see a future
When I cant see past next month.
With every fight I lose my faith,
And i dont know if love is enough.

I've spent a lot of time
wasting away my days
And i can't help but wonder
If this is just another case.

I never wanted perfect.
I wanted raw and real,
But now I dont even know what this is,
And i dont even know how to feel.

Its like before a bruise has healed,
Here comes another round of hurt.
And im trying to tend to the pain,
And then you give me just one more burn.

Its like I'm sliding down a rope
And my hands are burning on the way down
It would be easier to just let go,
But im scared to fall 10 inches to the ground.

I cant let go of the idea
That you planted at the start.
Yeah you keep on breaking it,
Why do you even have my heart.

I feel out of control.
Because you define my feelings more than I do.
And sometimes I try to take the reigns,
But my heart belongs to you.

I told myself a long time ago
I only write when something hurts me
Like the pain builds up inside my head
Until the words find a way to bleed.

I haven't written words in a while
I thought I finally closed my notes
And then I opened a new entry
And we know how this story goes.

I'm pouring every letter
That has been stuffed inside these days
And I can't stop even if I wanted
Because inspiration always has its way.

I wish I could finish a chapter
And finally close a book
But happy ever after
Hurts more than it looks.

Time consumes me most days
But nothing makes time more slow
Than stuffing the words and feelings
Inside where no one goes.

Pieces never came together
They would fit but only with force
And even when I think im close
I find more pieces on the floor.