You haven’t spoken a single letter,
Yet your muted words have voiced
A thousand interesting stories full of beauty and mystery.

Hussein Dekmak

I wish I could just make myself into the person you want me to be.
Even though for some reason you keep telling me to be myself.
What if you don’t like her?
What if I don’t like her?
Because the person I’ve known to be me,
I don’t like.
I don’t like how she looks.
I don’t like how she talks.
But, no one hears that.
It’s all in my mind.
If I want change, why don’t I change?
These days it really feels as though I am truly going insane.

‪I wish I could cut my brain into pieces‬
‪and not as a last resort.‬
‪Cut out the sadness,‬
‪the bad memories, ‬
‪the part that never listens,‬
‪all of it. ‬
‪The person looking back in the mirror ‬
‪is more than willing ‬
‪to give up anything as a sacrifice.‬

‪-mD‬

‘I don’t know’.
That isn’t an excuse. That’s not the easy way out.
I genuinely do not know the answer to the question you’re asking.
Oh you’re frustrated?
Imagine how I feel!!
You just asked that question.
I have been asking that question my entire life.
“Why can’t you just..?”
I
             DON’T
                                   KNOW !
I want to scream,
to cry,
to be heard in some way !!
and not because I need the attention but because I genuinely have something to say..
Something worth hearing..
I’m scared of what’s in my mind.
I’m scared that I’m running out of time.
I’m scared to be alone because I don’t trust myself.
Not around scissors.
Not around pills.
Not around myself.
Do you know how that feels?
Do you know how it feels
to not trust yourself
around yourself?
I am at war.
   My mind
        vs
       Me
with my heart as a witness,
my soul as the prize
and my body, the battlefield.
I wonder..
Will I be a causality?

Muted..
I'm guessing its time for me..
To be on free.
Looking like its time..
I have no friends of crystal beauties.

Nothings Controlling this beauty.
Soulful MAHOGANY bouncing freely.
My dynasty holding back vocal assurances.
Some kind of circumstances.
The Blocking of chances.
No One speaks...
As I deny anything that'll excite me.
People are Muted.
Emotions are flowing so diluted..
I don't want to Mingle, If I'm muted.
I'll go hide my fences ..I'll go build more fences.
I'll get lost in starry far away skies..
Catch tears should they fail from eyes.
No messages, no replies, no mascara smearing my eyes.
water colored surprise..
Open wide these eyes...
Look for me.. she's this confused brown beauty.
UnMute me.
whispered Prayers for me.
No cavalry seeks.
Wells rushing at my feet, dry land separates me.
I'll turn to my praying wall.
I don't want to cause a downfall.
People I've set free, Heaven sooth me...
I'll turn to my praying wall.
I'll return to my praying wall.
Nothing here for me..
Nothing Here for me..
Mute Me from Misery...
Unmute me for my chosen destiny.
Hurry and come find.
Behind all I've been hiding.
Is this all naturally me..Growing rationality.
If Not release me, UnMute Me..Bless my destiny.

Don't take my heart's voice and make it your Starbucks review.
It may not be pretty, perfect, and cookie cutter constructed.
But I still feel something, and i'm sure you do too.
I'm not a dog and pony show.
I wish I felt it were true.

What's a poet to a writer?
Why are some valid and others not?
No reaction is a reaction after all.
But even alone, I must be a fighter.

I'm not a dog and pony show.
But I wonder if you'd ever know.
Because you choose our voices like you choose your candy.
You prefer what's sweet, and discard the sour.

My voice is a sweetart, what comes with it tingles.
Listen and react for it's story, not the speaker,
and you'll feel it deep inside your heart.