I always say I feel free
when no one knows my name.
But after a year here, it gets old.
Now I say summers for love.
Love for the vinyl on my turntable,
for silent nights,
for frolicking in fields of grass,
for hair flowing in the wind,
and for myself.
I’ll head into summer alone
and find happiness alone.

In the blistering Texas sun
metal rods will burn skin
and drops of sweat
will spoil bare vanilla perfume.
Friends will leave
while kids play in the street.
But who can grow without pain?
my heart will never allow me
to grow without it.

So when that final bell rings
marking the end of our time,
I’ll choose between staying
to watch strangers come and go,
love and leave, smile and forget
wishing that were me
hugging my friends farewell
or leave silently.
Letting the sway of my hips,
the rhythm of each step I take,
and the small smile on my lips
say my goodbye.
To trust summer's promise of freedom.

"Today I woke up like every morning,
the sea sounds angry at my window,
today I woke up longing to be loved.
But the wind only whispers emptiness,
and the waves embrace me with their cold.
Is love just a lost echo,
or a ship that has never sailed?"

I am having my very first heartbreak

Not the one gifted by my highschool sweetheart

Or crushes kissing someone else's,

Not to this extent they made me ache

faking my senses

To the point where I believe my existence is a mistake.


Who am i?


The person who i had to be to become more lovable,

More palatable

Their emotional punching bond,

mental spitting pond


Where am i?


within the vacuum of nothingness, bye,

I am swirling into the great rock bottom beyond,

Where my failures are calling me down to die,

But, Giving up my life to appease the devil can...not.


I am having my very first heartbreak

My parents don’t love me for who i really am

But for who they prefer me to wake

To the expense of my authentic self so i self harm

With an emotional and mental intake,

That keeps my realness locked up, so i  forsake

Because how can I enter this world without them behind my back?


Born to be ashamed, i am

Guilty of inadequacies so they request i parent them

Neglected, i abandon my inner child now orphaned

No place within to call home

Everywhere in my heart its cold, not warm

I crave this loss of love, I am ******!

So i lose my dignity to get as little love i can get, slam

i am having my first heartbreak

Because i am lame

A lovely she is..
I watch her all day.

From dawn to next day,
I wait in dismay.

Each sunset I stare,
My white window's view.

I can not find her.

Each night i spent,
And of each day's lament,
More i want to know,
The meaning of the white,
Window engraved.

This white wall ,
And the white window.

It's too shiny,
The bright coating.
Its viscous colour,
Dripping ,
drop by drop,

I can't seem to break by,
Halting and trying,
rock by rock.

I do have a chair to rest,
But I wait for her,
standing,
By window's view ,
& I wait.

I do have the other wall,
I do have another window,
But I can't seem to make myself
Break through the white wall,

While by the moonlight,
I stare her shadows engraved.

Why this white wall,
Seems a storm to the
Beautiful rainbow,
And if i all i could is wait
Then Why is this white window?

A lovely she is..
I watched her all day.

the blue start of the night
stares into my bones.
i’m torn at the seams;
the company i keep does not wish to keep me
and, if it does,
solely like a secret, something to be
hidden, unable to be uncovered.
if i share all of me, what will be
left to say
and who says you won’t leave, let
me disintegrate?
there’s nothing to keep;
the depths of what i love
is unreachable,
unattainable. the
lives of all bodies that traversed
into and completely out of my mind,
left behind a trace of emptiness
that i once interpreted
as love—
a beast that denies itself to those
who ache to touch it.
i’ll lay blank upon the grass,
counting the ghosts of those
who have left.
watching the footsteps of them
get lost in
the passage of time,
sand covering up the heels,
chasing away the memories
that once lived in the dents.

you left footsteps in me;
the funny thing is i’ve tried to
preserve them, in vain but,
i cannot love what is destined
to be left behind,
what is bound to be lost to time.

when you are alone
and you ve got more time
in your hands
minute stretches to hour
Dreaded weekends
time enhances loneliness
and you face infinity
on your own
when the Sunday sun sets
from loneliness
in your house you hide
but it creeps in with the dark
it setlles on your bed
a silent partner
who connects us all

He never left a single note.
Just rings on wood, the scent of smoke.
A door unlocked a room left bare.
A ghost still sunken in the chair.

The bottle stood, its duty done.
A quiet war that no one won.
No cries for help, no last refrain.
Just heavy air and dried-up pain.

The world still turned the clocks still kept,
No one knew how hard he wept.
And when they asked they swore he laughed
Yet all he left was hollowed glass.

If I can’t love like you
Won’t you love me too?
I don’t really know
how to show

That I care

That I want
To be
That person in your life

That makes you smile

That makes you laugh

That makes you feel

Better

But I can’t do much
But burn your
pretty skin

And break your
pretty heart

And wish I was
like you.

Here I sit
In my car
I didn't drive far
But my thoughts
Are gone

Gone somewhere nobody belongs
Desperation
Pain
An empty song

Nobody belongs
Nothing is real
We claim that since we feel
It's all real
But what's the deal

We live
Without knowing
We cry and beg for why
Never an answer from the sky
We all lie

Anyone who has faith
Anyone who feels in place
Anyone not afraid
Of death
They're all lying
To your face
To themselves
I can tell

I've lived some years now
I can see how
We all fight to forget
That time keeps ticking
And we all live in regret
Of existing

I can drive my car into another
Burn and crash
And die
And people would cry
They would ask why
Then say goodbye
And time will keep on

We do not belong
Where did we go wrong
Time keeps moving on
And soon I'll be gone
It won't be long
27 years gone by
All I can remember
Is me asking God why

Family members die
Tragedies go by
The world burns
And at every turn
We have all aged
And not one of us knows
******* why

I wish I could devolve
Become a sea creature
Or a dog
I don't want to think anymore
About who I am
Or what I'm for
I don't want this pain
Like a soaked disgusting stain
Never leaving
Baring my name
Since I was a child
Crying
And crying
Because I understood
The sick twisted game
That is
Life.

We strive
We try
We dance
We live
We cry
We get by
We all move on
Without knowing where we belong
Without knowing what happens when we go beyond
Into that grave
So we make songs
And act brave

They say heaven or hell
Or nothing at all
Honestly it's clear as day
If hell is real
We're already here
I can't think of anything more ******
Anything more cruel
Then existence without due
Without a clue
Giving us hope
Giving us love
Giving us beauty
And a possible God above

With no certainty
With no time
It's a sick crime
Yet we submit
We commit
To this life
Until we die
Nothing means anything
Everyone goes
And we just breathe in all of our woes
Then we go on
Singing meaningless songs

God never answers
Never says where we went wrong
We must have done wrong
We must have done evil
To have to live a life
So fleeting
So empty
No answers
Just plenty
Of misery
Suffering
Fighting
Wars
Giving it our all
Overcome in chores

Someone dies
And we pretend not to care why
Or where
They may be and if in despair
Because we are in despair
We are lost
Without anyone to care

If God was real why doesn't he tell us
Why doesn't he talk to us
Explain all this pain
I think if he did
We may all forgive
One another
And actually want to live
We all burn and ****
And hurt and spill
Because we're afraid
Of the nothingness
Headed our way