It makes me look weak,            
                        My tears leaks…      
                My eyes are sore          
        My heart is a bore          
  and My body repeats a painful encore.              

                  I dust away the sad memories,                                        
but it comes along like it’s my adversaries.                  

I hate sadness
It shakes my reality, a piercing faithfulness
                towards my soulful unhappiness.

I don’t need help,
    but in truth I am lying to myself.

You’ll never know, what comes and goes
    yet I am stuck between my toes.

I hunger for that light
    but all that comes is my arresting night.

Perhaps I am doom with my own gloominess.
Starvation and Weariness
                  is a consolation of my messiness
~ a choice with laziness,
         to ponder and wonder
                    to the world’s unending sadness.



*© Pax  September, 2013

I have to move.
I have to get up and brush myself off and start over, again.
I need to feel the energy surging through me,
pulsing, throbbing.
I need a sensation that is merely a distant memory,
feeling alive.

I know I will eventually move.
Sometime, soon, maybe.

I have to move,
Get up and go -
travel, run, explore.

I need to live again.

I identify with the folks on a TV screen because we both share a secret; that we are both entertaining and that people want to watch us on a daily. We turn blank in an instant, no more flashing images or language. Maybe now there's a shadow from a light in the background as you sit down. To flip on a channel means getting up but you're too tired to pay attention

understand me
see..
the curve of my cheekbones underskin
the relax of my shoulders
as I exhale and..
I don't ask for perfection.
but try..

It's 12:29.
I'm thinking about the moon.
It's one of those "Sufjan Stevens" nights.
His music always manages to perfectly translate my befuddling feelings and thoughts into rhythm and beat.
If I rest now I will miss out on what the night has to offer.

It's 1:07
I'm lying in bed.
I hear my mom on the phone with grandma.
They always manage to keep the conversation fresh and perpetual despite the 8,096 mile distance.
If I let my eyes close now morning and work will arrive faster.

It's 2:03
I give up on homework.
I open the laptop to watch Netflix.
I re-watch a show I've seen a dozen times.
If I escape to dreamland, this sense of knowing of what is to come will be stolen by the uncertainty of the subconscious.

It's 4:32
I'm filled with sadness.
I have procrastinated badly.
I abruptly jump out of bed and head downstairs to brew coffee.
If I go to sleep, I will regret it in the morning when I will face the consequences of my laziness and late night reasoning.

Milk!
MILK!
THERE IS NO MILK!
well I'm not
getting out of my pyjamas,
so the cat will have to go
..........
One p.m, a week's ***** dishes in the sink
mind like a bog
.....

& the new radio
doesn't work
.........
MILK!
THERE IS NO MILK!
.....

& I want my coffee
but my purse
has had enough
of spending sprees
a POUND it says?
YOU WANNA SPEND
A QUID?
You *****!
You *****!
Forget all about that!
You spent everything
on coffee yesterday, remember?
hanging out in posh cafes
& all for what?
There is no milk!

To create poetry or flash fiction in one hundred and forty characters. What a truly modern art form. Composing, like a symphony, my laziness