I used to have an issue with my body.
Three years ago. 2015. The year of horrors.
My weight was 60 kilograms and I don’t remember if I had a few grams more, but it doesn’t a matter. The issues is that I was a bit fat. I have never been fat. I was sad about it and I had a lot of problems more in that year.
My principal problem was that when all of my girlfriends developed their body, I had a little girl body. My body begins to develop and that was when I turned fat, I didn’t like myself, personal problems, more issues. I increased 15 kilograms. I was really depressed. I started hating me more.
Between 2016 and 2017, my body started changing. I lost weight, I hadn’t got issues with me anymore. That was really amazing.
End of 2017 and this year (2018), my body changed completely. I don’t have the body that I used to own in 2015. I am thin and happy, but sometimes when I look at myself in the mirror, unconsciously I see myself as I was in 2015, fat.
That kills me.
Kills me more knowing that I couldn’t talk with my mother about it, because she didn’t understand it. But I could talk with my best friend and with my auntie because they understand it. I’m thankful about it.
What more kills me is the fact that I know that my body it’s thin but my mind shows me another thing, which I hate and makes me sad.
But today, July 25, 2018. My weight is 48 kilograms. I see the real me. I see myself thin. Now my unconscious accepts that I’m thin again. I’m really happy now because that is the body that I had all my entire life, that is the body that I want and which I’m in love with. I’m glad that I got back what I always wanted.

Yes, I'm a girl and I'm not trying to justify my body language nor am I positioning the rights of a feminist on the top, but
Yes, I was questioned always, even when I was right.
Subservience was legitimized as my trait ever since I felt this world.
Every time when I was buckled under by his lecherous eyes, I was asked to adjust my dupatta well.
Every action of mine substantiated the height to which I'll hold the name of my family.
I was asked to cross legs while sitting, speak amicably, yet not solitously.
Every time I'd to hide my period stain like a ****** blot.
I was asked to gallop my cramps because letting it out is a bitter sin.
Yes, I get my body scanned by their lewd gaze day in and out even when I put my baggiest of clothes on.
Yes, I'm a girl, and I have beautiful synonyms, call me maal, patola, bomb, *****, *** or a girl? May be, let yourself decide.
Yes, I'm questioned on the extension of the Roti's that I make and the smiles that I couldn't fake.
Yes, I'm a girl and I'll stand, and question your authority if it calls for, call me stubborn. Okay!
Remember, I'm a girl, and if you accuse me of being a feminist if I know, and can raise my tone up and against your authority, humanism needs to be checked then.
-APARAJITA TRIPATHI

Gemini are notorious for having “split” personalities, and I am no different. I have two sides of me that are always at war within me.

Both the Devil and the Angel within me are trying to influence me, in the form of thoughts running through my head that makes it seem like i'm talking to myself.

I emphasizes on the fact that my character is composed into two parts, the ‘angel,’ the one that wants to do good not only for myself but also for others, and also the ‘devil,’ the selfish, more arrogant division in my persona that drives me to do things that’ll make me stray off the path of righteousness.

Elena and Katerina, which again connotes the incredible duality and polarity of my character. Even though it seems like they’re almost two different people, they’re most definitely one whole character.

My inner good realized what I am doing is dangerous, but my inner demons insist on coming out at night. When I say “not closing the curtains”, im showing the real dark half of myself.

my heart is so big
      because it was already broken
long ago,
      before I even knew what a whole heart could be.


                                   - thanks, dad

I can’t forget you.
The both of us share a face.
I can’t see myself.

Stagnant love
I don't know what we have ,is it something true,does it happen to have a definition.....

Is it more than just physical attraction....

Can I surrender my insecurities to you......

Will you accept my flaws.. Or will you push me away....

I'm not perfect I give what I can ... And remain rejected

I'm at a point in my life where I longed to be.....now I'm still sorrowful....

My emotions are misinterpreted .... And my efforts are the last to be noticed....

I'm tired of feeling sad and alone.......

I prayed for the moment we would share our feelings.....

Is it that we wanted something so bad that when we get it we forgot the reason why we longed for it....

I wonder if we are meant for each other......

Sometimes I'm torn ,depressed and confused....weary from over thinking......

So many things kept us apart ,but for some reason we are drawn to each other...

Like magnets our paths collide... Hanging on by the very thread of our curiosity...

Curious to be loved by you willing to share my darkest secrets but scared .....that you might reject me too....

I wish that I could make sense of my pain.....wish I can make you understand that this isn't infatuation...

And though we might never be together .....forever ....

I'll always have a place in my heart .....where your name is tattooed...

Just never forget that my every moment spent with you is all the best memories of my life.... Loved  and cherished......

I'll leave behind my smile to remind you that you were my joy and the reason for my happiness...

Its the wanting you.... never getting you... that keeps me wanting  you...

You inspire me and without you my world would be empty and lost ...


But you'd be fine without me because you're everything  I'm not my love....

A.Jackman

I want you to love me
Because your blood runs in my veins
And I’ve offered you my love
But you’ve only given me pain
So finally I hurt you
In return for hurting me
Yet I am left with guilt
I don’t feel better, nor do I feel free
Now I am left only with one question
Have you ever felt guilt
For hurting me

Does
all
That
Anger,

Calm
Your
Veins?

Doesn't
the
Attempt
To
be
Different,

End
All
The
Same?

.

It does...

Well, what can I say?
I played a show not long ago
And it’s been playing on my mind
You see what i love to do
remains true to me
and helps me to unwind

So Let’s be kind
and rewind just a little...

I have to remember I can’t please everyone
Sometimes I wish my heart wasn’t so tender
And I sometimes I wish I could
JUST
PLAY
DUMB

It’s on the tip of my tongue,
But I just can’t put my finger on it,
It’s like I’ve got an itch on my nose,
One that grows and grows,
and then again no one knows about it,
why I post such a negative thing on FakeBook,
Cos i’m so hooked on that one thought,
That’s brought me to my knees,
Posting on Stutterbook seems like my only release,
And then I think to myself...
Wait a minute!
THIS is MY way of life
No one else’s!
I am NOT doing this for them,
I am doing it for me
As long as I love writing
As long as I love producing
As long as I love performing
And even recording
And rehearsing

I now have a better understanding
of what hard work means
Blood, sweat and tears
Something that takes years and years
I’m happy to mention all my fears are fading,
Erasing all my doubts I had as an artist
well, I could’ve just said carthasis,
But I just had to look on google translate
so I can demonstrate to you
That I am always learning
Yearning to get better and better
Cos like I mentioned earlier
This Is
MY way of life