All I ever wanted was to be a part of you life.

To be able to call you on the phone just to hear your voice.
You never answered the call.

To send you random, long and rambling text messages of my Love.
You never replied.

All I wanted was to be able to spend time basking in the glow your presence.  
You kept me in the dark.

I wanted hear your warm, rich laughter and be held close by your side.
You left me alone in the cold.

But what did you want of me?

You wanted to give me just enough food to keep my love alive.
My love died anyway.

You wanted to hold me as an emotional hostage beholden only to you.
The ransom was my heart.

You wanted To leave me entombed in a pergatory
from which I’d never be able to escape.
My soul ached for release.

You wanted to dangle happiness in front of me with no intention of ever letting me grasp it.
I fell into an abyss void of all hope.

The rose bushes are issuing their consistent melody,
With such unbearable benevolence.
I crave surprising him with their petals, the harmonizing scent blending with the vintage lingerie and a picnic basket full of sweets, freshly cut flowers and writing he inspired.
My life, my soul, the man I love more than I did two seconds ago.

One moment, you're on the top of your own little world
You can see the people that you love,
They are like ants under your feet

But as you're soaring to the sun,
The wings beneath you seem to melt
Wave after wave of burning wax
Cover you until you drown.

And just like that, I find myself underwater
Unable to breach for air
I find my will to care
Slip away

I just want to sleep all day

I don't want to think
Don't want to stop and create

I want to sleep all day

Everything I took for granted
Seems to fall to pieces
The higher I try to climb.

Friends I love are floating away,
Pulled in four directions-
But none of them are going my way.

It's hard to trust myself these days,
How could I lay my foundation on ground when I don't
know if that ground will be right here tomorrow?

I open my laptop I sigh,
I open my bank account, I cry
I open my eyes in the morning and wonder:

Wouldn't it be better to let it all go?

Wouldn't it be better not to know the things that I
Won't ever know?

Don't want to try, cause if I don't try I won't fail,
Won't feel pain if I don't care.

I don't want to care.
I don't want to wake up and check to see if you'll be there

When I don't even know if I'll be there.

i often find myself
devoid of the moment...
    ((( this moment )))
momentary in its passing
yet nearly fatal in its crashing

when did it become so difficult
to avoid an escape?
an exit from reality
from which we disconnect so easily

is anything real?
we're all searching
for a new way to feel
something
                      else

You were in my dream last night.

I was quietly sat on a small blue moon enviously gazing at the faraway stars.
When you softly whispered in my ear let’s capture some and put them into little silver jars.

I said, sure why not.
And across the perfect night sky we both flew.
You held the star catcher and I held the jars, and together our precious collection grew.

One by one the brightest of the light faded and the darkest of the night set in,
We were truly happy for a moment, but that was shaded when the utter darkness crawled over our colourless skin.

I said this is wrong.
You said it was my doing.
I said I’m sorry I ever came along.
You said that the stars and I are not worth pursuing.

Then I was suddenly and frightfully alone, with stark emptiness all around.
I screamed your name in all directions, but nothingness has no sound.

I pressed my trembling knees to my cold pounding chest,
wrapping my hopeless arms around the rest and wishing you’d never left.

Now I have nothing.
Just all these stars in these little stupid silver jars,
and reopened wounds that should’ve stayed as scars.

I am Jimmy

Inaudible, inaudible,
Completely, unfortunately intolerable.
A disruption of said audio,
Has saddened us and all we know.

Pessimistic, pessimistic,
Completely, unfortunately pathetic.
Too bad for us,
We cannot resist it.

Inaudible, inaudible,
Disordered so very long ago.
Lugubrious, so spiritless,
We cannot be saved from this.

He said “There is no love.”


I only get to see beautiful women as they walk on by.
I do not get to fall in love;
Nobody will ever be on my side.
Mine to adore, to love and much more,
My girlfriend, my lover, my never a chore;
My only ever, pleasure forever after.
I wait for a sign or reason to carry on,
But there is no hope…no love…no one.


My heart is empty of someone to love,
So I will give it up, it takes too much.
My heart and soul I would give to be loved,
But I cannot even see a way that is up.
That is what’s up.  Forever down, by my own depression,
I never learn any lessons.
I just fail, leave them guessing,
Never actually show a piece of me; there is nothing to see.


The music video ‘Just’ is in my head today,
Because if they all had my empathy, they would all stop
And lay down next to me.
I am unmoving, going nowhere fast; no sympathy, please.
No kiss or hug is heading my way,
Because I am an island covered in rain.
Who would want to go on a holiday there?
(Even temporarily)

…I do not care…


(C)2017 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

A fire is burning
The foundations are breaking
The walls are falling
The smoke is asphyxiating
You are the building
My heart
The arsonist