Lord, I want my life to show
What it's like when You have control
And I want others to know
That I'm wholly and completely Yours.

You say you're there for anybody
& only a phone call away

But where were you at 3am
When I couldn't breathe
& held that blade to my wrist

You care for everyone else
Except the one person who needed you
I needed you

You did nothing
Walked by me crying in the halls like I was a ghost
& if I choose to put this blade
To my neck instead of my wrist
& end it all tonight

I'm sure you'd laugh
& be perfectly ok
With the fact the ****** ***** is gone

So don't say you care
When you've made it obvious you don't

.
     Lord, help my unbelief
     Lord, help me to see
The way You're holding me
     Lord, take away my pride
     Lord, please use my life
To be Your shining light.

     God, I'm trying to be
     Just what you want of me
But it's Your grace I need
     God, I'm striving so hard
     To stop worrying, and start
Letting You be who You are.

     Father, I want to come home
     Father, yes, I know
You'll never leave me on my own
     Father, help me understand
     That Your great plan
Has meaning, and will firmly stand.

Every time you say "Hi"
I want to throw you through a wall.
Because you have no idea how I hurt,
You cannot feel the chemical burn
That leaks through my heart and drips onto my brain.

Purple veins, draining the pain
But veins only lead back to the heart.

Swallow your words.
they are sharp
and cut your throat
like glass shards.

Glass from a broken bottle
that once had a note
written by a shaky hand
that read, "help me."

The weight was too much:
I despaired until I saw
I was meant to fail.
For when I try carrying,
I cannot lift as You can.

I'm. Fine.

Grow me in Your way
I know I have rough patches
I just need to know
Will it be gentle, or
Will you have to break me down?