there's a little spot i go to sometimes
where the air is a little cooler than usual
underneath a tall old tree
with branches like fingers reaching for the sun
casting shadows on my face.

there's a little feeling i get,
a sinking in my stomach
with no sign of relief
it plunges deeper and deeper
and all i feel is empty.

i guess all i'm doing now
is waiting around to escape-
to get away from here,
and find refuge somewhere much, much farther.

my heart is a little empty
and alone.
all i ask is that you hear it,
and figure out
the irregular beat.
that calls for you.

It squeezes my head...

I'm pulled aside,
I'm left alone,
I'm left with company.
It squeezes my head.

No other place left to go,
nothing else left to see.
It squeezes my head.

Nothing else left to say,
no one else left to talk to.
It squeezes my head.

If it could hear me,
I'd say it's squeezing my head.

It wouldn't matter though...
It'll continue squeezing my head.

Visual delusions:

Scrutinizing the acuity of
            what is visualized.
But sight is only validated
by the morality glazed over.
Until narratives are edited
to mimic a reality of self delusion.

Oral formalization

Dictation versed within syllable
            delusions, never sounding
the reflection of thought to breath.
But sour exhalation collects on
vacant windows, spelling other
          than what is breathed outwards.

Auditory silence

Auditions drummed within,
echoing on shallow walls,
           nothing wrote within
A tirade of failures woven with
three perceptions. Collective ignorance.

Haven’t written in a while,
The reason or reasons seem jumbled in my head,
I know what I want to say but I question if it wrong if I feel a certain way,

Lying in dread,
From these thoughts, I try to escape,
Lies I remind myself,
Feelings are lies,
Allowing yourself to hide is the greatest gift you could give,
Keep on tryin to believe you're alright,
But at night it’s like the light can’t even help

You’re fine,
There’s nothing wrong,
Well, nothing significant,

Roof over head,
Bread in tummy,
Plates to parents,
Air to heat,
Sheets to shoes,
All it is mind over matter,
As long as you don’t mind it won’t matter,

I mind,
Does my mind matter?
Do all the thoughts I think matter?
Is it wrong to feel what I feel?
Is it wrong to believe what I believe?
What’s right?
Why’d I stoping writing?
Why'd I try to silence myself?

Is it the thought that my voice is meant for silence,
That I should be the girl in crowded hallways who bears her soul inside the books, walking quietly,
Smiling at strangers, trying to remember no one sees the chaos in my brain,
That it’s all tall tales I tell myself,

So I’ll sit and type the feelings I feel,
Allowing the silence to fill the voids of speaking,
knowing I’ll be judged for them,
Believing my life is meant for more  keeps me going,
And one day showing the respect of a voice that just wants to feel heard,

Silence is deafening,
Let me know if you can hear it too?

I am sorry if I've turned into a mess
You're so strong, you cannot break
I have my fair share of sins to admit
My well-being is at stake.

Your girl was all I wanted to be
Do I ever let you down?
I am not sure if I have it in me
To turn that beautiful smile into a frown.

You say all the special things I wanna hear
Words I've never been told
But it is time to admit I fear
This romance is starting to grow..

old

I've witnessed a beauty
I can't describe
That speaks to my soul
As it swims through my eyes
The silent sounds
Sneak into my mind
The taste lingers on
Leaving sweetness behind
The scent creeps up
To slowly remind
Of the touch that once felt
Makes all else fade
Til only your beauty
Pure beauty remains

There's nothing else
Your beauty remains

i’m afraid that i’m losing you,
and that is the last thing i want.
i’m not sure what’s wrong,
for the first time ever,
and i can’t even get to you.
but We are fading.

I held onto you
for as long as I could
It doesn’t last long
When you live in the hood

Came from the sticks
I came from the woods
Rolling ******
Down the backroads
Of these backwoods
Rolling up backwoods
Bumping Rolling Stones
I never was that good

Of keeping within reach
Of the ones closest to me
Sometimes feel
Like I wish I didn’t have to
Feel at all

Had a ball
It didn’t last too long
Xanax and Adderall
Falling down the hall

But you were always there
To pick me up