On that day which caused my voice to disappear,
All those around me rejoiced and had a feast, celebrating this moment
The words I say brought people tremor, fear or just pure hatred,
Everyone hated them the moment I moved my lips to convey along side them in hope to find someone who could become even a friend.
I was of course wrong all along, deserted for the reason that they found what I said in some sense weird or obscure, maybe irrational,
Was it my means or my purpose that scared them away ?
My looks or my style of conveying to appear more likable to them ?
In the end it didn't even matter for a second, as their false smiles carried the message of their fake friendship and intentions.
Maybe now that I won't have to converse with sound any further, those words of mine might reach someones heart and touch it instead,
But that is simply a distant dream, because everyone hates the words I say, perhaps it is meaningless to seek meaning in my useless self,
All I can do now is to heave in sobs,
Left behind, I can no longer even cry,

~ Umi

You've captured my attention
I'm slowly getting lost
Let's make our own adventure
Sit alone and share our thoughts
Enjoying all the laughter
And the chance to see you smile

i am better now,
but sometimes there are still blisters where i once had calluses,
and bruises still deep in my bones,
so please be patient with me.


― i am still a work in progress

Everything glows in light;
Getting up onto ten little
creatures moving happily
up and down on the floor

Three steps to open the glass
letting in fresh air; Little
gemstones sparkle on grass
and violets in the rising sun

The left ear hears church
ringing, deep and relaxing;
The right ear bird songs,
light and exiting

A little fluffy bumblebee
hums curiously around the
white frame; A robin perches
on the fence’s edge turning
her small head joyfully
towards the sun

Trees move slowly in the
warm breeze shaking away
the last tiredness

Arms stretch out releasing
big strong wings to fly into
the day

I've seen the sun,
It's shimmery glow,
And felt it's warmth too,
And yet,
I still swim deeper,
Without knowing why this
Is what I do.

i loved you. i loved you as naive people love when they believe heart's aren't made of glass & aren't meant to break. i loved you like a child would love something new they discovered & possesed you as one would possess a toy. I guess that's what happens when a punk rock boy with steady hands & raven black hair steals an innocent 15 year old girls heart.

but heart's break they burn they catch fire & they mold into something new. but even three years later molded casings are meant to break & maybe that's how you managed to creep & lock yourself into my new heart & it's foreign to you & to me. but your hands aren't steady & your heart is as unstable as a bridge that hasn't been crossed in years & maybe its a chance to cross it not knowing what lies at the bottom, but you make me feel so willing to cross it.





I've loved you. loved you with more than my entire being & I've told you what kind of hell it was to believe that you didn't care, but you did & i know I gave up to easily but i needed love. I needed a physical love,a few blocks apart, not 100 miles apart. I was selfish & I've never seen anything more beautifully heartbreaking than you with tears in your eyes begging me to stay & i was caught between my heart or my body & I chose my selfish needs & my heart was broken for months & i missed you & needed you to fix it. & I could never paint or write or sing about the way your eyes looked the last time I was brave enough to look into them; & I don't believe anyone could ever replicate anything so forlornly blue.





you're heart isn't a toy. & love isn't a game. we're both going blind in this gamble. i want to be yours for the night & maybe more & you with your words that paint dreams make it as tempting as pandoras box & I'm almost as willing to open it all. we're both betting high, too high, & I don't want you falling into vices & I don't want to lose you. it's always been a fight for who would win out & I don't want to lose. i don't. you made a home in my heart & my heart has molded it's way around you in perfect unison & yes it missed a couple of beats but they we're beats screaming your name & yearning for your acceptance & yes it stops when I believe you see me for who I really am & who I could be. I don't want you too.

I couldn't go anywhere if i tried, darling.


July 5th 2016

mea maxima culpa:

i am so much 
like a breadbox born.

bowing over time, as things do get

stale, my cracks christening
unwitting loaves with light

already risen.

i hear the newer ones 

come with their own condiments

and an irredeemable crust.

the bread, I mean. 

They don’t make we

breadboxes anymore.