I hear them all laugh
in front of me,
for this that I am.
Is it possible
that I could be so unsure of myself?
Though I am not really there,
I see everything.
Immersed in profound water ,
I feel everything.
And I can't change nothing.
I wait someone to get me out of the water
telling me:
"It was just a bad dream,"-
but who ever comes ,enjoys my sorrow
and joins the crowd
And than I see ,
a girl stare at me.
She looks exactly as me .
Staring she smiles with purity
and says to me:
"Listen.
Listen to the birds sing.
Its indeed a beautiful morning. "
At that very moment I feel
instead of my heart , I have ice.
Ice that is only kept frozen by staying in that water.
And I can do nothing.

in order to make it home safely,
i need to reach the end of this hallway.

in order for me to move forward,
i need to reach the end of this hallway.

in order for me to become a better person,
i need to reach the end of this hallway.

in order for me to understand myself,
i need to reach the end of this hallway.

in order for me to do just about anything, really,
i need to reach the end of this hallway.

but i never do.
in fact, the most i've ever managed
is just a few steps
before i freeze in my tracks, unable to keep going.

it confused me at first,
but like anything else in life,
all i had to do was connect the dots
to realize why i always get stuck there.

if only you'd move.
if only you wouldn't take residence
at the end of this hallway,
staring at me quietly from the opposite side.
if only you'd turn around,
even if just for a moment,
so that i might dash forth before you look at me again,
as if it were a game of "red light, green light."

but you don't.

you never move.
you never turn around.
you simply observe me from afar,
waiting for the day where i'll be able to move
forward
on my own
even in your presence.

sorry to say, but
i'm not quite sure when
or if
that day will ever come.

My heart is motivated by
Power,
Relationships,
Peace,
Play.
It protects itself with a
Stone wall.
A foot thick,
Five feet tall,
Nothing gets through,
Nothing gets out.

I am alone.

Alone and abandoned
I stay.
Not wanting to give up,
I get up,
Treading my feet
Up the numbing frozen slopes.
Why do all hearts break in
December?
The cold intensifies
With every step I take.
When will this frostbitten winter thaw?

Can’t catch this hue of you
I’m a scathing black in the midnight blues
An overcast sky, blanketing blister-paced eyes
Hangs right above my neck

I’ve brewed restless ache
It settles deep in the space
Between my lusts and restraints
Scared to death either way

I’ve let the blood in my skin
Sink into bones and teeth
Crimson flush under limbs
Stiffer than death

I’m all I lack

I want to be welded to you like the tongue of a curious child freezes to a poll when it's below zero outside.