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Nomkhumbulwa Sep 2018
Who am I?

This is how it feels,
Total solitude;
I dont know who I am,
My body wants no food.

What have I done?
I must have done something;
Everyone and everything gone,
I must have done something.

Something terrible, something wrong,
For why would I be so alone?
It seems like so long,
Since I have felt “at home”.

I dont know where home is,
Where do I belong?
Home is where the heart is,
What did I do wrong?

I have let people down,
And not just one or two,
I have let people down
Here and in the South Atlantic too.

How can there be so many,
And now no one?
The fog seems very thick,
Everyone has gone.

How can you belong
When you dont fit in?
How can you forgive,
When you know not what you’re forgiving?

Was it me or was it them?
Now we shall never know;
I never meant to harm them,
I did no wrong....but even so...

When they are so many,
And your memories not so clear,
How can you even trust yourself?
With a mind filled with fear?

I know them,
Do they know me?
How can it be possible
That they cannot see?

I must have done wrong,
I must have deserved this;
There can be no other reason,
I must have deserved this.

I feel evil and cruel,
Never meant anyone harm,
But it seems I must have done,
Ive caused so much alarm.

How do I trust my memories
If there is nobody left?
Why dont I know what is real?
How can there be no one left?

My earlier writing met silence,
I heard from not a single one;
It seems no one wants to know,
I feel they blame me for what I “have done”

If it was my fault afterall,
How do I ever put things right?
Is he dead because of me?
A dead man cannot fight.

Nothing makes any sense,
What is right or wrong,
Just a mass of confusion
About where I “should belong”

Are the things in my head real?
Can they be trusted?
Or have I caused so many lives
To be completely shattered?

There were people on my side,
Yes, only a few;
But now where have they gone?
I wish somebody knew.

I am tired and confused,
I dont know if I was abused,
How can I ever know for sure?
When im so confused.

The world is no longer real,
I dont know who I am;
How can anyone heal?
If I dont know who I am?

The world now scares me a lot,
I dont want it to see me;
Im hiding in this “internal place”
Yet at the same time wanting to flee.

Everything is disturbing,
Nothing is how it was;
I want to hide from everyone,
And I have no answers.

But I am being called,
And the calling is so strong;
There are people I DO trust,
A place where we are...”at one”.

Some may think im mad,
But for me I have to go;
I left my soul in Africa,
I left it in Soweto.

I have to go back and find it,
To find myself as well;
And perhaps bring it back this time..
Only time will tell...

Its going to be a mission,
Im taking gifts for many;
The postal system’s ****,
But the people are worth every penny.

Please Mandela let my brain function,
So I can help those who need me;
As all the time i’ve spent with them....
....i’ve never felt so free.

UNkulunkulu akubusise Soweto ❤️
A poem I forgot I had written some time back  I think its fairly along the lines of my others :(
loveinquandary Sep 2018
get hurt, learn from it & forgive. they say people make mistakes and its up to us to decide if their mistake or our love for them is bigger. and my love knows no limits. it is endless.
Talia Sep 2018
I'm filled with anger and resentment for what you did to me.
The cheating, lies, and betrayal even after you got down on one knee
you used to be my everything, day in and day out
now we're nothing but strangers with memories, without a doubt.
you've been the source of my suffering all this time
you led me on, pulled me in, only to break me again once you hit your prime
I told you that I'd never forgive you
But I find that it's the only way for me to forget you too.
I fell in love with a person, granted he was only my boyfriend for six months before he broke it off around May, because he didn't want me to "see him fall into a pit of depression." I forgave him the first time, but then he knowingly led me on all summer telling me that  "I still love you, I'm just lost" and then saying he didn't anymore. This happened over and over until we finally got back together, only for him to cheat on me.
No matter how much you think you love someone, always recognize their toxicity.
LadyM Sep 2018
A little girl
half like me and half like them-
Born in the year
When my childhood would end

On the other side of the world,
somewhere far away,
in a place I've never even heard of-
She sleeps every night.

Parents of different cultures,
Nothing alike,
She shares the traits of both:
Caramel skin and chocolate eyes.

A family I've never met,
My family, my closest ones,
Across the ocean,
Out of sight.

She doesn't know me.
Half of them don't.
But the other half,
they just pretend
that they do.

But they don't really know me,
I guess, they never did,
For all my childhood years
who was I and who were they?

Then, she was born,
like nothing happened,
Nobody said anything,
everything stayed the same

Like we are not half the same,
Half related,
Half blood-connected,
Like we are nothing,
nothing at all.

She knows nothing yet,
But I do.
And they say I am too proud
To let go of the past,

But I am not proud
of me or them,
I tried to forgive
a long time ago.

I am not
Too proud
to let it go,
I just realised
They don't care
Too much
for me to try.
Life can take some crazy, unexpected turns. We can try to be the better person, but sometimes people don't care about that. It's sad when you have to accept the reality of the situation, knowing you could've made things better.
Lyn-Purcell Aug 2018
Forgiveness does not mean stupidity.
I forgive people for me ONLY because I won't let people
have that power over me.
Trust me, I know it's HARD to forgive, but it's worth it
because you will have a sense of peace.
Lyn ***
D Aug 2018
and even when I love you
I still hate you
for what you did to me

or do I just hate myself
for never being able to let it go
Salmabanu Hatim Aug 2018
He that gave me Faith,
Taught me the importance of prayers,
Showed me the humblest way to live.
In place of darkness, light he gave,
From him,I learned how to swallow my anger,
To forget and forgive.
He was my angel in disguise during my darkest hours,
He scared away the demons lurking in my nightmares,
He held me close when I needed him most.
He was kind and gentle but,firm and strict,
He was a stickler for cleanliness,
Spring cleaning was a groan,
Our allotted chores had to be ***** and span,
He checked to see they were done as he wanted.
You should see his face when we failed or skipped our homework,
He sat dejected in a corner crying his heart out,
Asking again and again where he had failed,
So we always tried our best to work hard.
His only weakness was to watch T.V. and play video games,
He also loved to pull mum's legs,
For us weekends were for outings after we had finished our chores and homework.
He was my very own special dad,
A wonderful human being I was lucky to get.
One of God  blessing was to have a father like him
Nomkhumbulwa Aug 2018
A poem to my People:

"I love you all dearly,
but I know that you have gone;
I see you all here daily,
but I know that you have gone.

I don’t blame you, I understand you,
And I know that I bring shame;
But I also understand,
that I was not to blame.

I know I won’t be welcome likely
ever there again,
And although you may not believe me
I don’t want to cause you pain.

I hope for your forgiveness,
Although I did no wrong;
I hope someday you'll understand
that I did no wrong.

I have tried to make contact,
but you never spoke again;
And because you are so many,
this causes so much pain.

But I guess that you have gone now,
and forever that may be,
If he only hadn’t hung himself,
you might have believed me.

But now that I know,
that I’m not the only one,
I understand the "dark side"
more than anyone.

I understand the culture,
its different where I live;
And although I hope for change for all,
I as yet can just forgive.

I hold nothing against you,
as I said - I understand;
but I hope that in the future,
heads won’t be buried in the sand.

I rarely write poetry,
but this is all I can do;
as a way to get my thoughts across
to so many of you.

I live here in Scotland,
I don’t need to be ashamed;
here on this "Isle of Arran",
I am never blamed.

I hope that St Helena
one day will see it too;
that "there is no excuse for abuse"
no matter "who is who".

It’s sad to lose the RMS,
the most loyal Saint of all,
but she is serving us still by
opening the island to the World.

Opinions might be questioned,
from cultures far and wide,
but with that I hope you'll see
that I have nothing to hide.

Through my bad experiences
I have gained a lot as well,
I have an understanding of
all the people put through hell.

I know I’m one of many,
I know I’m not alone;
together we share this deep connection
to a place that some call "home".

I hope one day you'll forgive me,
as I forgive you,
for treating me the only way
that you knew.

The RMS is serving us,
by opening up this land;
If she stayed forever-
you might never understand.

She may be just a ship to some,
but to me she’s so much more;
She has a soul, a personality,
she had to leave our shores.

We have a lot in common,
both feeling as if "disposed of";
but I do hope we won’t end up scrapped,
and still receive some love.

I'll love you all forever,
even if I hear nothing again;
and I don’t regret my visit,
even though I "caused you pain"

You may not understand just yet,
but I hope one day you will;
and with more education,
the Island will be better still.

I stand by the others,
as they have done for me;
and I’m forever grateful
to my "extra family".

I wish you well for now,
as I’m tired and can write no more;
and I just hope that one day
Such darkness shall leave these shores.”

Take care,
love **
A desperate plea to "my people" who never spoke again, after I was subjected to assault.  They disappeared from my life completely.
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