Can we become better that what we are?
We dream of better future.
But we become worse, become bitter
every time our life runs into our worst dreams.
We hope to forget, we hope to let go.
But become restless, become hollow
looking at the parts we are missing
the parts we took from each other
that we have fed to our ego.
Can we become better that what we are?

For me, every moment of contentment
is often followed by the realization
of having a lack of either ambition
or the means or ability to achieve it.
And though I can live with the lack of both.
I often wonder
why do we feel the need to be validated
by some measure,
by some reason,
to belong in one of the circles
that the world is divided into.
When we end up questioning our self,
“Who would be actually there for me
if not for the pieces of me
that I am feeding them everyday?”

Tears                      
Run down her soft gentle face
Fears          
Racing in her big sad eyes                                           Staring me back                
In her embrace
                Stuck in that place
It breaks me to see her cry
                                We both know i wont lie
"Please dont leave me"            
Forcing my frown upside down
I promise one day ill stay                              
It was so hard to go      
                Again beside you I'll lay
Everything will be okay

To any who'd reads,sees,watch,listen&run tell THIS: I'M at A Place IN MY LIFE WHERE I AIN'T CHANGING FOR U & NO one else. Ppl You don't change for anybody else and if you can't or WONT rock with how I am then don't ******* rock with me for anything else! Deal with me how I am not for what you "think& thought" you could change me into. I got kids grown *** and not so grown *** kids and grandkids babies, I got bills u don't pay & don't care nothing about.I got mental issues on top of some other ******* issues and some more ****; SO IF MY *** TRYING TO SHOW U IM A GO AND GROW WITH U & FIGHTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU & I'M IN THE TRENCHES WITH YOU, WHILE HELPING yo *** CULTIVATE THIS ****- WE CALL FRIENDSHIP ROMANTIC OR PLATONIC ETC- then yo *** better not ever a day in yo life use me or try to run game on me! I'm going to love you regardless if YOURE RIGHT OR WRONG. IM A TELL U WHEN YA WRONG & yo u better tell me { NOT IN PUBLIC} EVEN THEN I GOT U BOO, BUT IF U KEEP UP THAT ******* AND IT AFFECTS ME OR MY KIDS AND all of OUR WAY OF LIVING OR hinders me from"MAKING A LIVING"; I will definitely DISASSOCIATE MYSELF FROM YO LIFE 100 %. EVERYONE knows me knows; I DON'T DO DRUGS & don't go round no one WHO does, not judging & I don't think I'm better THAN anyone too flawed to even ever compete... MY ONLY SO CALLED HABIT IS CIGARETTES, OF WHICH I GOT THE PATCHES FOR & SOMETIMES I LIKE TO DRINK MY WINE & WATCH NETFLIX- CHILL WITH whomever, BUT MAINLY BY MY GOT **** SELF. WHICH TOO, MOST KNOW I DON'T EVER REALLY MIND BEING OR DOING STUFF ON MY OWN! SOME PPL AIN'T GOT TO HAVE ME CUZ IM GONNA ALWAYS HAVE ME MYSELF AND I! I WAS BORN ALONE, IM GOING TO DIE ALONE &IT MIGHT BE NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE HOLD MY HAND AS I GO WHEN I GO. BUT BABY if you think or thought  I'd change for you this is your ******* wake up call! Listen; I've been in and out of foster care& group homes and in them; I was SEVERELY ABUSED, put down assulted and defamed etc. This ain't no sob story; been married a whole heep of times and went through similar **** like foster care etc with them so called men & was talked about like a dog & sometimes worse from so called family wether foster or blood etc. Ppl turned on me ,  believed lies & gave up our long standing FRIENDSHIP. I have been homeless and well off ; never rich{money wise} and have known struggles. I am sure many have similar stories; but this here is mines, I've danced on a pole and I'm not ashamed, I've worked in what I considered so called "Cooperate American", nursing& legal FIELD'S too
(white collard,blue,pink throw ups & more) lol and been to college many times. Im told by a a few psychiatrist that I'm a borderline genius but even Einstein couldn't tie his shoe without help! I have PTSD plus much more.SEEN DEATH &LOOKED IT RIGHT IN ITS FACE . WATCHED THOSE I LOVE&LOVED GO HOME TO GLORY - SOME OF EM WERE FROM MY WOMB.BEEN jumped stabbed shot at etc; I don't ******* scare easy baby and yo race don't mean **** to me unless it's you of whatever race color & Creed that's trying to do an injustice towards ME!So take me as I am or ******* delete me block me and or cut me off & outta yo life;CUZ I AINT CHANGING FOR YOU & NO one else!