I enter to see perfect smiling faces by themselves, with others, with places and things
Here is shiny and there is new with an underlining endless hum of energy
Scrolling is breathing; I can only stop it for so long before I’m gasping
I find myself competing with the perpetual perfection;
Wondering how their waist is so small, their teeth so white and their life so golden
as I sit in the shadow of my own depression.

You must pray for the fickle and weak.
As we all need to make it through the heat.
Your whiskey neat burns down the branches of your chest as you speak.
Expand into a balloon, the crowd won’t bow but shake their heads.
They can not believe this tale you live, the life in a comfy castle cove.
The girls back home cry, denying all this fallacy.
Really it can not be like this, this isn’t reality.
This can not be like you or me.
We aren’t merely copies, are we?
They cry tears in the shape of rapids that carve rivers down your cheeks.
To take her to the moon will settle, remedy this pain.
So give me a few years and I’ll get you there.
For now pray for the fickle and weak as they aren’t lost, but free.

"You smile too much," they say
So I stop
"Why aren't you smiling?"
"You should smile."
I'm confused
Do I smile or do I not?

Tell me, and I'll do it
Whatever pleases you
I'll smile, even if it's see-through
Even if you know it's a lie
I'll smile, even if I want to cry

If you want me to stop, I will
Your wish I will fulfill
If my smile is annoying
I'll understand
I apologize if I seem bland

But I can't seem to make you happy
You're always so snappy
I come home and wish to leave
I try, and I try so hard
But all you do is disregard

So I'm sorry, I guess I'll try harder
I'll do as you want
I'll be who you want
Just please notice
If my smile is true or not

some people feel anxious a lot
some people feel overly tired all the time
some people have anger issues
some people enjoy life
some people are happy, or sad, or mad
but i am numb

when i wake up, i am numb
i stay in my room because i feel numb
i cry to try and feel something, anything
but i suddenly stop because feelings are exhausting

i hate going to school because my friends give me ****
i already get enough at home, i dont need it here too

its like everyone has their place in this school and im floating around groups
its hard to be happy when you work so hard to make everyone else happy
its hard to laugh when youre always making sure everyone else is laughing

they dont realize how easy it is to fake a smile
to tell a lie for the sake of their feelings
to act like you are just fine

they dont realize that when i look the happiest is when i feel the numbest

I sit upon my throne and stare
Looking at the empty hall with no care
Memories of cheers and excitement
And then I only had indictment
They blamed me for the faults that occurred
Traitors amongst my ranks who had it stirred
The price I have to pay for those I trust
Keep their words they must.
But no, they don’t. I see them running out
My Kingdom a Blaze and I’m with no doubt
And for whoever wants to be the king
Be prepared for what troubles those who say they’re loyal will bring

Do you know what it's like
Not knowing what's fake
And what's real
Sitting all alone in a dark room
Shaking
Having creatures tear open your skin
Yet not having a mark on you
Hearing voices screaming
Pounding on the walls
Yet being in complete and utter silence
No you don't
So shut the **** up

I step out into the streets,
Ready to mimic the actions of those I’ve learnt from.

I do not understand the gleeful tones and beats
So I adapt another one’s joyful flow.

But I wonder how far this fake peace
Stretches across the land of our one and all.

Am I mimicking the mask of another mime?
I worry for the number who are stuck in a rhyme...

Never abandon
yourself in order to keep
the affinity

11:24 PM
27/11/20

Does anyone see?
The grimace on my face
The showing of my teeth
In attempt to replicate the look
On everyone else's face

So wait
Is my replication faulty...
....or is it the way everyone else is too?