i feel selfish when i kiss you
do i love you for me
or is this love new?

i fear what i feel is fake
but if it were fake
would i be lying here with
thoughts of you keeping me awake?

someone please tell me
when is it the idea or the person
that you are in love with?

“Be yourself,”
But then they tell me to change.
“Be unique,”
But then they frown down on all my differences.
“Don’t conform,”
But then they force me to follow their standards.
“Always love yourself,”
But then they call me narcissist and arrogant.
“Be kind,”
But then they tell me to stop being fake.
“Just relax,”
But then they call me lazy.
“Work harder,”
But then they call me too uptight.
“Money can’t buy happiness,”
But then they laugh at me for not being rich.
“Weight doesn’t matter,”
But then they tell me I’m not skinny enough.
“Enjoy being young while you can,”
But then they tell me to grow up.
“It’s okay to be sad,”
But then they tell me other people have it worse.
“Do what you love,”
But then they tell me I’ll never be successful.
“You’ll be okay,”
But then they leave me for someone else.
“It will get better,”
But then they tell me that I’m being overdramatic.
“Be yourself,”
But I no longer know who that is.

My heart, her open palm.
Blinded by self hatred.
A fool who played me, no alarm.
Future never looked so sacred.
One blank stare.
One fake smile.
Left feeling...
She was never there.