“Throw her into the deep end,”
they said.
“She’ll learn to swim soon enough.”

Maybe she will,
but you know,
it won’t be easy
the tides will grasp her firm
and try to drag her under
her lungs will scream
she may wail
and desperately thrash
the tumultuous current will beat her down
her arms ache, so does her heart
she’ll sink once or twice,
wonder whether it’s worth the fight,
but with time
and I can’t say how much
she will gain strength
and slowly but surely
she will begin to swim against the current
claw her way back
to the shallow end
and she’ll be able
to look them all in the eye
scars bare, clothes torn
but a wicked smile.

I’m drowning and nobody can hear
I’m suffocating but nobody sees
I’m slowly dying
But not a soul is there to witness it
I’m alone
In a room full of people
My heart is shattered and strained
From loving too much
Love without reciprocation
They see me but they don’t see who I am
What I feel
I spent every wish and piece of luck
Wishing they wouldn’t leave me
Even though I’m drowning
And they’re not there to pull me out

I wish I could cry it out
but instead I cry inside
There tears are flowing
and they drown my mind.

L.C.

drowning 6.20.25 (3:39 / 15:39)
drowning drowning drowning
flailing failing failure to surface on an endless
sea
of sad dark and death it’s all in my head i think
i think yes i’m right for once
it’s all in my mind and nothing is real
except the dark

drowning drowning can’t breathe
i’m going to die
g a s p  of  a i r
it’s momentarily bright
and then i sink
back
under
the sea

Holding the smile on my face feels fake,
Talking about it only brings more hate,
I fear it might already be too late,
Outrunning time and tempting my fate.

They stand around me laughing at my mistake,
Not knowing what I'd do to just not be awake,
To not feeling as pointless as the poems I make.

Watching as it gets harder,
Drowning in the running water,
Hoping they turn the tap off at my offer,
But it brings them pleasure—to watch me suffer.

Laughing while i slip away,
Taking drugs to help the ache,
Taking pills like candy—with a smile on my face.

I fade away to only a whisper,
Watching life flicker.

The tap water is turning into a lake,
Slowly pulling me below the surface,
And all I do is hope to break.

But even drowning I still breathe,
Clinging to truths I half believe.

The mirrors cracked, but it doesn't lie,
It just tells half the truth, yet
There's still a fire beyond this cry.

The current pulls, but I don't cave,
Scars may flood, but I won’t drown—
This time, I swim in the lake. Barely not going down.

I am left yearning to drown,
When smothered in your love.
Breath, breath is optional,
I live off of your love.

Addiction, obsession, craving,
Need, you are need,
So I repeat the same words back to you,
Drown me.

No one needs to know what I’ve been through—  
My thoughts, my needs, my likes, my deeds.  
I race ahead, as fast as I can,  
Running far, as long as I stand.  

I feel like sinking, yet my world keeps spinning,  
Through hopeless times, I fight the feeling.  
I take a breath—deep, steady, slow—  
Only to drown in the undertow.  

I reach, I grasp, I fight for air,  
Struggling hard, but caught in despair.  
I shout, I scream—I beg for aid,  
Yet find myself in the trap I made.

Held deep inside my gut, it chokes but not quite
It’s more like a firm pressure, I can’t place it
It’s like having your head underwater, in a pool
But not in a warm feeling, in a way that makes me feel like a fool
It’s like drowning, drowning in the silence of my own words
The quietness and stillness of my bedroom once brought comfort
Now it irks me along with the little things that **** me off
“It’s fine”, I say over and over again to the same old tune, masking it with a cough
But only I know how the multiple scenarios play into my head.
“It’s fine” are the words that tumble out of my mouth as I yell at myself
I figure that ‘it’s fine’ becomes a mere escape to the mess in my head
Those same words ring out like a broken radio, even if I imagine what would happen
What would be everyone’s reaction if I let out those drowning words?
Head up in the air, that’s the only way I can try to hold myself up not to drown
Sometimes late at night when I can’t sleep,
It ends with the same old conflict.
A pair of squeezing hands, I shout them to stop
I can’t breathe, my own words die on my tongue
With watery eyes, my surroundings fade
But something grounds me– something I can’t name to keep me brave
“Nobody is coming to save you, so get up” rings softly.
The pressure lifts, it leaves a scar but I can’t breathe
It was never the water that made me feel like drowning
Nor that nagging pressure on my throat that made me feel like dying
All along, I was dying by my own unsaid words
Who came from my heart, was directed in a scenario to my brain, but died slashed mercilessly on the sharp blade of my tongue.
Alexithymia, the inability to describe emotions in a verbal manner
Maybe that’s why my fingers have etches of endless typing, I let myself choke on my own words
The winner is never the heart or mind, but the spilt invisible blood of my killed words
And the loud screeching of my own soul
Maybe that’s why they say poets sit in darkness and warm their solitude with their own sweet sounds.
Because they are a clump of words of what was left unsaid but never quite left.
But even then, I know I’ll always nearly drown in my unsaid words
And spit them out in a clump later in what poetry is formed.